Have you ever dated someone who would lift you so high that you thought you could fly, just so he could cut down your wings and bring you to your lowest lows after some time?
Has he had emotions so extreme that you felt like there are two completely different sides to him?
Well, that’s just a small part of dating someone with borderline personality disorder, better known as BPD.
What is BDP exactly?
It is a mental health disorder that impacts the way person perceives themselves and others, which essentially makes them unable to properly function in everyday life.
It is primarily characterized by:
- unstable intense relationships;
- distorted self-image;
- extreme emotions;
- impulsiveness.
BPD affects how a person feels about themselves, their relationships with others, and their behavior in general.
Symptoms of BDP you might recognize in your significant other:
1. Extreme mood swings
One day he is over the moon and the next he is depressed, irritated, or angry. At one moment, you are the light of his life, and the next, you are the sole cause of all his problems.
It’s not just about you all the time; the world has conspired against him, nobody loves him, and all of his friends are not really his friends, etc. until the next day or week when everything is great again and he is loved and appreciated by everyone.
His self-image and his view on the world, your relationship, and other people in his life is changing by the minute.
2. Excessive behavior
Accompanied by the aforementioned mood swings, one more indicator of BPD is impulsiveness.
Ask yourself if your partner has a habit of doing things that are sudden and unexpected. Does he disappear from the map for days and then come back with some lame excuse? Is he confident one day and the other talks about losing his purpose in life?
If he doesn’t get help in time and recognize that he has a problem, he might engage in a number of destructive behaviors, from gambling away his or your money, to adultery, to substance abuse and similar or worse things.
3. Abandonment issues
He hates when you don’t pick up right away when he calls. He calls if you don’t text him back immediately. He demands an explanation of your whereabouts when you are running late. He feels hurt and abandoned. You are making him waste his time and his nerves.
If any of these sentences ring a bell, you are dealing with somebody who clearly has abandonment issues and it’s one more surefire symptom of BPD.
4. Going to extremes
With him, everything is black or white; there are no gray areas. When you do something nice for him, you are the greatest there is. When you do something that’s in his opinion wrong, you are worst of them all.
He lacks balance in his behaviour and he shifts from one extreme to another.
According to Roger Melton, M.A. there are three relationship phases you go through when you are dating someone who suffers from borderline personality disorder.
1. The Vulnerable Seducer Phase
He will start by relying on your empathic side. He will tell you how much he suffered in their previous relationships and life in general, and how you are the only one who gets him.
By masterfully playing the victim, he will make you feel needed and loved in a special way. You will feel like you are the center of his universe.
You won’t build a relationship step by step; you will jump through it. Everything will move too quickly and it will all be overly intense.
2. The Clinger Phase
The more attached he gets, the more he’ll change. At first, it’ll be barely noticeable, but as time goes by, it’ll become more evident.
You will still feel like you are important to him, but the things you care about will become less important and it will be more about what he wants and what he needs.
zhe will intentionally draw your attention by using his physical and emotional ailments. Mood swings will get more frequent. At one moment, he will be bursting with happiness and the other, he will be down and distant.
He’ll still think you can save them, though, and use this to keep an emotional tether to you, putting his entire emotional and physical well-being in your hands.
3. The Hater Phase
While in the first two phases he will try to be at his best behavior, this phase is the one in which the chaos starts.
As the relationship progresses, he will show his true colors. He’ll be agitated by the smallest things – the way you look at him, things you say, the way you smile at or touch him…
Before you know it, he will place the blame on you for everything and he will once again play the victim. This time it won’t be to provoke your empathy, but to put you down the self-blame route. You will also start looking for the main culprit in yourself.
If your partner has borderline personality disorder, you will recognize it in these signs and go through three relationship phases.
If your partner can’t accept his problem. he will create problems for you. Even though your partner is unaware of his condition, he is emotionally hurting you.
BPD is treatable and your partner should seek professional help. If he doesn’t, things are only going to get worse. The only thing you will be able to do is to leave before you suffer all of the consequences of his BPD.
