I know you’re not going to. And it’s fine. Really. It’s your life. As your friend, I admit, it’s a little painful to watch but I can’t live it for you. In any case, I thought you should have a list that you can keep handy in case you ever need a little nudge.

1. It’s going to hurt now, or it’s going to hurt later. Rip the Band-Aid off.

The benefit of doing it now is that when later rolls around you will be well over it. A wise friend once told me you can get over anything in nine months; if you can create and grow an entire human in that time it stands to reason you should be able to overcome any obstacle in the same amount of time. I mean, it’s a total fallacy but since it seems you are already hurting, you might as well put a deadline on it. But, of course, if you want to prolong your own agony, by all means hurt now, AND later. Peel that Band-Aid off nice and slow—see where that leaves you.

2. Your friends are tired of hearing you complain about the same things for the last, oh I don’t know, forever?!

You are not happy, you haven’t been in so long you can’t even remember what it feels like. You have become so entrenched in your shitty situation that it seems like there is no other way. There is. Get out of your shitty relationship and get back to the awesome person you were before you became blinded by your own misery.

3. You can do better for yourself, by yourself.

Maybe you’ve forgotten who you were before you became locked in a dungeon, but you were absolutely a kick-ass chick. You did not need anyone or anything to validate you. I know you thought you found the one, and he was for awhile. But for a long time now, I want to say he’s been bringing you down, but I don’t think that’s fair to him, he’s just being who he is… and you are just being who he wants you to be because it’s easier to placate him than to express yourself. If the before him you could see you now, she would be very disappointed that you’ve fallen prey to such a misogynist.

4. Your parents don’t like him.

It’s all fun and games to rebel when you’re a teenager, and to date someone to piss off your pops, but we’re grown now and our priorities have changed. You want to have a partner you can have around your family because you like your family and you spend a lot of time with them. You have to know that at this point in life your parents only want what is best for you and they want to see you happy. If they don’t like your partner, it’s probably because he’s a fucking douche.

5. You know what? I’m gonna go ahead and say it. Your friends don’t like him either.

They don’t mind him as a person, to have a conversation with in passing, but they don’t like him for you. He doesn’t bring out your best self and that is what a partner is supposed to do, or at the very least not bring out your worst with little provocation. Do you even like who you are with him? Have you ever asked yourself that? Perhaps it’s time you did.

6. It’s not going to get any easier.

The longer you wait, the worse it will get. You have been doing this thing where you keep waiting for something to change and it doesn’t. It won’t. He doesn’t even want to change and he’s pretty much told you that flat out. It’s not going to get any better than it is now, it does not make sense to wait for it to get worse.

7. Being unhappy is a good enough reason to leave.

And really, from the sound of it, he’s not any happier than you are. Do you both a favor and put yourselves back on the market to find partners with whom you will be more compatible.