I always believed being loyal to a fault was my greatest virtue when it came to relationships.
Honestly, I couldn’t think of anything more desirable in a partner than being loyal to the one they love. I was so proud of being someone a person could always count on, no matter what.
What happened to change that? Well, you came into my life.
I fell in love so deeply and I gave you everything I had, the whole package, loyalty included.
Whenever you needed anything, I was there. Whenever you were sick, I was there. Whenever something was troubling you, I was there for you.
Do you remember all those times you were afraid and I was there to hold your hand?
Do you remember the nights I came tired from work and you felt like you needed a long conversation so I stayed with you for hours, analyzing every little detail of what happened to you?
I remember.
There were so many opportunities for me to break your trust but I never did. I proudly turned down any guy who would come on to me, no matter how cute, hot or interesting they seemed.
This is what being loyal is all about, I told myself.
Staying honest and emotionally open to one another was going to make our relationship healthy, strong and amazing. It made sense, right?
There’s one thing I didn’t account for. There was one nasty surprise that threw me off my feet and completely changed the game.
You were never a loyal man.
I was so sure that the person I was trying to be was going to make our relationship amazing. A committed, involved, honest lover who gave their everything to keep their partner happy, that’s who I was to you.
I never even stopped to think that you might be someone completely different from who I expected you to be. I never even thought about how your indiscretions and your demeaning behavior might ruin us for good.
Soon enough, you made me see everything clearly.
You lifted the cloud that was over my eyes when you pushed it too far, when you pushed your awful behavior on to me to the point of no recovery.
Somehow, I still blamed myself. Now I can’t even remember what kind of thought stream got me to think that way but I remember it had a lot to do with me thinking I was too loyal to you.
I got myself to believe that I was too trusting and naive and that’s why you had a chance to break me and lower my self-esteem but… no.
I’m not the one to blame, you are. I can’t be responsible for how you decided to treat me.
I’m not you. I didn’t give you a motive, I didn’t push you away with too much attention or whatever crap they’ve been telling girls who get lied to and cheated on.
I was being myself. I was being loyal, open and trusting because that’s who I am and because I thought you deserved it. I loved you, I wanted to treat you the best possible way.
Back then, I told myself that I should be more careful about who I trust and that’s something I still do believe.
Being more careful never hurt anyone, but when someone intentionally tries to fool you, there’s hardly anything you can do about that.
It doesn’t matter how smart, strong or empowered you are.
When you come from the point of view that people who love each other should treat each other with respect, kindness and honesty, it’s hard for you to assume someone would do anything but that.
I now know I don’t need to minimize my loyalty or become a bitch in order to match immature, selfish men who know nothing about love.
The truth is, I get to be who I want to be, I get to be who I am: a girl who loves passionately and gives every little bit of herself to the one she chooses.
I’m not the one who should change. The only thing that needs to be changed in my life is a man who doesn’t know how to appreciate me.
Honestly, having a good-hearted woman who chooses to be loyal to you to the death and only to you is a true blessing. The thing is, it takes a true man to realize that.
