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Blinded By Love: My Domestic Abusive Relationship

Blinded By Love: My Domestic Abusive Relationship

Girls, has your man ever done something to upset you? Well, of course he has! He’s human, you’re human, we’re all human! But what happens when he starts to hurt you mentally and physically on a regular basis. How do you walk away for good?

This was my situation; my boyfriend had anger issues. He would throw things, punch walls and doors, and shout. It was never a problem when I wasn’t on the receiving end of it. Less than 12 months into the relationship did I then encounter his unpredictable anger. He shouted in my face, told me to shut up, saying that it wasn’t always about me. This made me cry and I was ready to leave him.

But aren’t they clever? He twisted the situation and ended up making me feel like the guilty one. So I stayed. He promised he’d never act that way again. Domestic abusers will never change!

They want to control your life, but they tell you it’s because they love you. They’re control freaks in the worst form. They take you away from things you love! For me, this was my career as an international flight attendant. He’d always be calling me, always needing to know where I was and who I was with. This then kick-started the anxiety. I became quiet at work; I didn’t see or speak to my friends.

Then one day, I got my wake up call. I found messages on his laptop and social media account of him flirting with other girls. He said it was a stupid ego boost for him and that it was a mistake. I was so angry and hurt, I got out my suitcase and was ready to leave until he physically assaulted me. I was shocked and terrified.

This is when it finally dawned on me… Do I want to feel like this for the rest of my life? Do I want him controlling me for the rest of my life? But most importantly, do I want to be physically harmed for the rest of my life by the man who’s MEANT to love me?

It was hard to walk away because I was madly in love with him. But I knew what he was capable of. I knew he had issues. I thought I could be the one to save him. But the only person who needed saving was myself! From the man that said he’d never hurt me, never betray me, and always protect me.

You were handsome, smart, and funny, but all those things didn’t make up for how you made me feel in those moments. You made me feel so small and like I wasn’t good enough.

You made me depend on you; you made me feel like I’d always need you. I guess this is what abusers do to stop you from ever leaving them.

I’ve realised I was a victim, but I am NOT ashamed! You’re the one that’s lost someone who would’ve done anything for you and loved you, which other girls will find hard, believe me.

You don’t get to put your insecurities onto me anymore. You don’t get to control my life anymore. I make my own decisions now. I refuse to give up on myself. I’ve got a lot of love to give, but I’m saving it for the right man.

I still love and care for you, but actions have consequences and you’ll face those soon enough. It may bring you shame with your family and your career. But in that second you decided to raise your hand to me, you will have to live with it.

This is bigger than me now! This is about all the girls before me and all the ones that could be after me. You underestimated my strength and courage. It’s in us all. We just have to find it.

If someone truly loves you, they will never, ever lay a finger on you.

They will never make you feel like you’re not good enough. They will never lose their temper with you.

They will never try to change who you are.

They will never make you feel guilty about spending time with friends or family!

I thought you were the best I could do. Turns out you were the WORST.

I’ve always read stories about women getting into and being in these relationships. I never thought it would be me that would be sharing my story to create awareness on this issue.

We as young women CANNOT let a man define who we are. We cannot let men change what we want to be and our dreams. So girls, there’s ALWAYS something or someone better for you out there. There is a light at the end of that tunnel. Don’t let a monster have your pretty little heart. Save it for your true Prince Charming. Know your worth.

by Charlotte Andrews