Ending a relationship is never easy, and the days, weeks, or even months leading up to letting go can be pretty rough. Some situations are easier to break free from than others, but if you’ve been with someone for a long time and your heart is invested, it’s never simple.
However, even if you have been with this person for a long time, sometimes you feel like it’s headed south or there’s just no future, and you just know it’s time to cut your losses. After all, your soulmate may be waiting once you make it to the other side!
So, how do you go about doing that anyway? How can you walk away from a relationship gracefully?
While you probably won’t walk away without some strife, there are certain things you can do to make things go a bit more smoothly. Here’s some tips for letting go.
Mind your words. We’ve all heard the sticks and stones saying, but words can cut deep. And, once they leave your lips, there’s no turning back.
If you want to make a separation go as smoothly as possible, don’t stoop so low that you end up saying things you don’t mean or will regret later on. Even if you feel a certain way about someone and what you think of them is hurtful, it’s best to keep it to yourself. Inciting a verbal battle with someone will only complicate the situation.
But, stand your ground. Even if you take the high road, there’s no telling what the other person will do. We can only control our own actions and reactions.
So, if your soon-to-be-ex starts verbally diminishing you, be the bigger person. Stand firm, let them know that you don’t appreciate how they’re handling things, and refuse to reciprocate. If your partner insists on belittling you, this should only further justify your decision to sever ties.
Don’t lose control. Minding your words and refusing to provoke an argument are much easier said than done. And, holding in pain and resentment is not going tough—it’s unhealthy.
But you’ll have to learn how to take out any anger in a positive way. Hit the gym, journal, meditate, or go out with friends and chat all you want about your situation.
Just don’t lose control and start tossing out his things, burning pictures, or doing anything else so extreme it will come back to haunt you.
Let them be. If you are choosing to end a relationship, you’ll have to give the other person some space. This shouldn’t be a game, and neither of you should treat it like one. If you are living together and they want to move out, let them.
Go spend some time with friends or family while they gather their things. Or, you could choose to hit the road yourself, depending on your specific situation. If they stop communicating, don’t desperately pick up the phone. It’s hard, but you’ll have to resist, and let the break-up run its course.
It’s also probably best to stop communicating altogether for a while to give things a chance to cool off even if you two decide to remain friends.
There are some post-break-up stages you’ll likely want to go through on your own, particularly if either of you decided to enter into a new romance. You have to reconnect with yourself first.
Never compare yourself. If you find out your ex is dating someone new, remember, it’s someone new. Don’t compare yourself to her, because she will never be you and vice versa.
Everyone is different, no one is perfect, and the worst thing you can do is start to analyze every little thing about this new bond, trying to determine what she has that you don’t. It’s simply a waste of time. Focus on yourself and getting to the point where you want to be before moving forward.
Breaking up with someone, no matter how much time you’ve spent together, is never easy. Make sure you surround yourself with a supportive network of friends and family, and spend time healing from the inside out.
Make sure you focus enough time on yourself, quietly self-reflecting on where you’ve been, where you are, and where you’re headed before jumping into a new partnership. Be good to yourself, stay true to your values, and know – this too shall pass.