When my husband suggested it would be best if I stayed at home raising our kids until they started school, I immediately agreed. At that time I thought why not, staying at home with the kids would be great. Also, I had a rough time at work and a career break seemed like the perfect idea.
Almost all of my friends did the same when they got kids and all I could hear was “It’s the best thing to do when your kids are infants or toddlers.” or “You’ll get to watch them grow and witness all of their milestones.”
Overall enthusiasm did not prepare me for the stark reality – being a stay-at-home mom is an uphill battle.
And in my experience, these are the 15 downsides of being a stay-at-home mom:
1. “I realized SAHM is a full-time job”
Be aware – it’s not only playing, hugging, and kissing little noses and fingers. Besides babysitting, it also includes housekeeping, cooking, cleaning, getting the groceries, driving them to the doctors, and managing general home and family needs.
At least it did for me, but be more clever and make a plan to split all the household chores between you and your hubby.
2. “I felt lonely and isolated”
Lack of social interaction carries weight and influences your mood. Being with the kids all the time, unable to have a proper adult talk except with your husband, can make you feel lonely.
Days will revolve around satisfying kids’ needs and there will be no room for any other activity. You’ll lose touch with your friends and family, and when you recall occasional chats you enjoyed in the office it will seem like a completely different life.
So, go meet your best friend at least twice a month. Don’t make excuses, hubby can replace you for an hour.
3. “Being SO tired I was easily irritated and would often lose my temper”
Hectic days make you feel drained and overwhelmed, and you may startle easily. Also, you might get angry and shout at your kids.
After the emotional storm, you feel bad and helpless, without the idea of how to handle the burden and make it all work. Feeling trapped is also very common among stay-at-home moms. Sometimes we don’t leave the house for days!
Try to stay calm, and remember to breathe!
4. “I was incapable to ask for help”
I usually feel rattled when I’m under the time pressure and there’s a lot to do. I rush myself, become more nervous, and then I drop things, damage the door, or scratch the car.
No matter how many things I do, there’s always more. It’s a never-ending cycle, and you never catch a break.
Many women fail to notice that it’s all too much and they need to ask for help. Ask your hubby to give you a hand with the household duties! I know he has a full-time job, but so do you. After 5 pm all duties must be shared between the two of you.
5. “I was stuck in the routine loop”
You feel as if you’re in an endless routine loop that gets repeated over and over again. Every day feels the same, often you’re not sure if it’s Wednesday or Thursday.
You keep feeding the kids, changing diapers, washing clothes, ironing, cleaning the dishes, picking up toys, etc. Of course it’s exhausting. As if you’re a rat in a wheel.
So hack the routine and take the kids for lunch outside. Or take them on a picnic!
6. “My days were tedious and dull”
The repetitive nature of your daily schedule makes you feel dull sometimes. Everlasting hard work leaves you feeling depressed and your life seems senseless. You lose motivation and forget to take care of yourself.
Remember, mommy needs a break sometimes! Ask your husband to watch the kids while you go out. A simple walk can do wonders!
7. “I felt worthless without a ‘real’ job”
While your career is on hold, even though you’re very busy with childcare, you still see yourself as unemployed. This can give you a feeling of worthlessness, can have a serious impact on your self-esteem, and may evoke anxiety.
That’s why I keep repeating – SAHM is a real job, more difficult than the one you’re being paid for. Give yourself credit and make sure to thrive in your new “tenure”!
After all, I’m glad I’ve spent a few years being a stay-at-home mom, but I wish I was prepared for all the drawbacks of this role. It would be much easier for me if my friends had shared this useful advice. So please take notes!
8. “I missed having a personal identity”
When you dedicate all your time and energy to your family, it’s easy to lose sight of who you are outside of being a mom. Your hobbies, interests, and ambitions may take a backseat, leaving you feeling like you’ve lost a part of yourself.
Find ways to reconnect with your identity. Pick up an old hobby, join a class, or set aside time for personal growth. Even small efforts can help you rediscover your sense of self and remind you that you’re more than just a mom.
9. “I struggled with societal expectations”
Society often has conflicting views about stay-at-home moms. On one hand, you’re praised for dedicating yourself to your family. On the other, you might feel judged for not contributing financially. These mixed messages can be hard to navigate.
Ignore the noise and focus on what works best for your family. Everyone’s journey is different, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. Surround yourself with supportive people who understand and respect your choices.
10. “I battled guilt over self-care”
Taking time for yourself can sometimes feel selfish when you’re a stay-at-home mom. But self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. When you’re well-rested and happy, you’re better equipped to care for your family.
Start small. Take 30 minutes a day to do something you love. Whether it’s reading, exercising, or simply relaxing, prioritize your needs. Remember, taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your family.
11. “I worried about reentering the workforce”
Taking a career break can make you anxious about returning to work. Will your skills be outdated? Will employers overlook you? These fears are common but shouldn’t hold you back.
Stay connected to your industry through networking or online courses. Update your resume regularly and highlight the skills you’ve developed as a stay-at-home mom, like multitasking, problem-solving, and time management. These are valuable in any workplace.
12. “I felt invisible”
Stay-at-home moms often feel unappreciated and overlooked. The work you do isn’t always visible, and it’s easy to feel like your efforts go unnoticed.
Communicate your feelings with your family and remind them of the value you bring to their lives. Celebrate small wins, and don’t be afraid to seek validation from yourself and others.
13. “I struggled with my mental health”
The challenges of being a stay-at-home mom can take a toll on your mental health. Feelings of loneliness, frustration, and inadequacy can build up over time.
Don’t hesitate to seek support. Talk to a therapist or join a support group for moms. Remember, you’re not alone in your struggles, and help is available.
14. “I missed adult company”
Spending all day with children can make you crave adult interaction. While your kids are wonderful, they can’t replace the connection and stimulation you get from talking to other adults.
Make an effort to socialize. Join a book club, attend community events, or simply catch up with friends. Adult company can provide a refreshing change of pace.
15. “I learned to appreciate the little things”
Despite all the challenges, being a stay-at-home mom taught me to find joy in the small moments. A giggle, a hug, or a simple “Thank you, Mommy” can make all the hard work feel worthwhile.
Cherish these moments. They’re fleeting but precious, and they remind you why you chose this path in the first place.