I used to believe there was a perfect man out there just for me and when I find him everything will magically fall into place. Then I met him, or so I thought, but it didn’t work. He was all I ever wanted, but life had other plans and we broke up.
We’ve all grown up on fairy tales about finding “the one” or our “soulmate” and falling in love at first sight. Since childhood, we’re led to believe that our perfect man is destined by fate.
Being pre-decided for each other, the relationship with that man must be smooth sailing. We just need to find him and that’s all. The rest is to live happily ever after.
But let’s be real: not everyone buys into the soulmate hype.
When it comes to love and relationships there are two types of people: those who believe in soulmates and those who believe that relationships require effort, couples therapy, and a sprinkle of luck to succeed.
Are you Team Soulmate or Team Effort?
For fairytale believers, the idea of soulmates is deeply romantic.
Initially, these people often experience a high level of satisfaction in their relationships. The magic and excitement of finding “the one” can lead to a blissful start. But what happens after the infatuation stage?
On the flip side, effort advocates believe that a successful partnership isn’t just about finding a perfect match but about working together to overcome challenges and grow stronger.
They probably won’t experience the same initial euphoria as the soulmate believers, but what will happen with their satisfaction over time?
Which approach will lead to more successful relationships?
Believing in “meant to be” or believing in effort?
Researchers dove into this question and shared their findings in the European Journal of Personality.
The study tracked more than 900 couples from Germany, Switzerland, and Austria for two years and they were asked about their beliefs about love and relationship satisfaction. Researchers looked at whether beliefs in destiny or growth influenced relationship satisfaction.
Participants with a “destiny” mindset felt that finding a compatible partner was the key, while those with a “growth” mindset believed in resolving conflicts to build a successful relationship.
Initially, the study found that couples who believed they were “meant to be” were happier during the first two years. The thrill of finding their destined partner gave them a significant boost. But, as time went on, their satisfaction tended to decrease.
On the other hand, couples with growth beliefs experienced a less dramatic decline in satisfaction, suggesting that the “love grows with effort” mindset might have some serious staying power!
It’s their belief in working through problems together that helps them maintain a more consistent level of happiness.
In relationships, perception is everything
The results showed how satisfaction in relationships declines so for a large number of couples it gets worse over time. But there are exceptions, of course, some couples succeed in increasing their relationship satisfaction.
The happiest couples had stronger growth beliefs, creating a positive cycle that strengthened their bond.
In the end, the study showed that a couple’s perception plays a big role in their relationship’s success. Just like a garden, relationships need care and effort to thrive. If you want your love to grow, put in some effort and satisfaction will develop over time.
Understanding these dynamics can help you navigate your own relationship more effectively. If you lean towards the soulmate belief, it might be beneficial to adopt some growth-oriented practices to sustain your relationship’s happiness.
Destiny might give you a great start but the growth mindset will keep the love alive for the long haul.
For those already focused on effort, keep it up! Your approach is likely to pay off in the long run.