6 consejos para aprender a ser soltero después de una relación abusiva
Aunque alejarse de una relación abusiva es sin duda una de las cosas más valientes que podrías hacer, la verdad es que, tristemente, tus pesadillas no terminan en el momento en que dejas a tu agresor.
De hecho, cuando esto ocurre, necesitas un tiempo para aprender a continuar con tu vida.
You need a survival guide on how to be single again and this is exactly what you’re about to get!
1. Remember that you’re more than someone’s ex-novia
El primer paso para volver a tomar tu vida en tus manos es mirarte al espejo y ver que eres lo suficientemente fuerte como para salir adelante por ti misma, a pesar de lo que este hombre haya intentado convencerte.
This might sound like a cliché, but before taking any concrete action, you really have to remind yourself that you’re not put on this earth just to be part of a couple.
You’re much more than someone’s (ex) girlfriend. You’re an individual and a woman who is in charge of her own happiness.
Tu ex puso mucho empeño en hacerte creer que nunca podrías salir adelante sin él.
Lo hizo porque era la mejor manera de manipularte para que te quedaras con él y ni siquiera intentaras marcharte.
Después de un tiempo, te guste o no, empezaste a creerle.
Well, now it’s time to prove both of you wrong, to show everyone that you’re a complete person on your own and that you don’t need “your other half” (which was clearly not him) to keep on living.
2. Focus on other relationships in your life…
Once you have all of this figured out, it’s time to refocus all the energy you keep giving to this guy to all the other people in your life.
Durante mucho tiempo, este hombre fue el centro de tu mundo y alguien en torno a quien giraba cada día.
This is exactly what he wanted – to isolate you from everyone else so it’s easier for him to brainwash you into thinking that your relationship was perfectly normal and healthy.
Para atarte a él haciéndote perder a todas las demás personas de tu vida.
However, now, all of a sudden, you have so much time on your hands, and you don’t know what to do with yourself.
Pues bien, éste es el momento perfecto para que reavives algunas de tus viejas amistades y des más de ti a tu familia.
You might be embarrassed to ask the people whom you’ve forgotten all about because of your ex-relationship to accept you once again, but give it a try!
Te aseguro que la mayoría de ellos comprenderán tu sinceridad y te ayudarán a recuperarte.
3. …and especially on the relationship you have with yourself
No obstante, la relación más importante en la que debes centrarte es la que tienes contigo mismo because that’s the most precious one.
It’s time to start taking care of yourself the same way you took care of him and to start believing in yourself the way you believed in him.
Y lo que es más importante, este es el momento en el que tienes que aprender a quererte a ti misma con la misma intensidad con la que le querías a él.
Time to finally put yourself in the place that you deserve and shower yourself with all the affection and attention you’ve been giving away to this wrong guy.
Es hora de mimarse y empezar por fin a tratarse como la princesa que es.
Trust me, after going through abuse and being convinced that you’re not worthy of your own self-love, this is exactly what your mental and emotional health need in order to recover.
4. Toma tiempo para curarse
Another thing you need to do when you’re single after getting out of an abusive relationship is to give yourself enough time to heal.
Instead of repressing your emotions, get in touch with them – this is the only way to deal with them in a healthy way.
If you feel like crying, cry, and if you feel like screaming, scream at the top of your lungs. Don’t worry, nobody will think you’re a lunatic.
After all, you’ve been through some serious trauma and it’s perfectly natural that you can’t get rid of all this pain, resentment, anger, and fear in a blink of an eye.
Just don’t call your ex in these times of despair.
Don’t think that going back to him would ease your pain because, trust me, it would only make things worse.
5. Don’t do anything you’re not ready for
The most important rule about learning to be single again is only to do the things you’re ready for, not those that others expect you to do or that would make your ex jealous.
Esto se aplica especialmente a tu vuelta a la piscina de las citas.
Recuerda que seguir adelante es mucho más que lanzarse a una nueva relación.
There isn’t a deadline by which you have to find someone new.
Es perfectamente normal que tengas profundos problemas de confianza después de todo lo que has vivido.
Es perfectamente normal que necesites tiempo para abrirte a un nuevo hombre y estar preparada para dejarle entrar hasta el final.
So, if you don’t feel like dating just yet, don’t do it. If you don’t feel like going on blind dates your friends are trying to set you up on, don’t go.
It’s as simple as that: Do only the things you’re comfortable with doing and don’t let anyone dictate your pace because nobody’s walked a mile in your shoes.
6. But start doing everything you’ve always wanted to do
Sin embargo, también es el momento de hacer realidad todos sus sueños.
Durante años, como víctima de malos tratos, tuviste que hacer todo lo posible para hacer feliz a tu ex, sin pensar nunca en tus propios deseos.
Era el dominante y el que tomaba más decisiones.
Nevertheless, now, all of that is a part of the past. Now you’re on your own, and you can do whatever you want, however you want, whenever you want.
Remember that road trip you’ve dreamt of taking for so long, but your ex preferred taking a flight?
That new language you’ve wanted to start learning, but you were afraid you wouldn’t have enough time to see him if you did?
¿Y cosas más pequeñas y tontas?
That girl’s TV show you planned on binge-watching, but you two always ended up watching something he liked?
The way you wanted to paint your bedroom walls pink, but he wouldn’t hear of it?
Well, now’s the time to do all of those things and enjoy each one of them! You deserve it!
