Cómo piensan los infieles (y por qué nunca deberías volver con ellos)

No nos engañemos. Encontrar una pareja fiel se ha convertido en algo parecido a encontrar un unicornio.

At first, they are all nice and trustworthy and, after some time, they become something you’d never imagine – cheaters.

No, I’m not saying that the entire male and female population are a bunch of cheaters, but this cheating trend is definitely on the rise.

Más de la mitad de mis amigos han sido engañados en algún momento de su vida, y yo no soy una excepción.

La pregunta del millón es: ¿Por qué la gente hace trampas?

Is cheating a decision made in a split second or a process that consists of many underlying issues in a relationship? What exactly happens in a cheater’s mind?

I’m not one of those people who take sides and blame one party for being bad or glorify the other for being victims.

I believe that there’s a reason for every action, and yes, cheating sucks and cannot be justified no matter how sorry the person is (if they’re sorry at all).

Dentro de la mente de un tramposo

Hay muchas razones por las que alguien decide engañar a su pareja.

They might be bored with their current relationship, want attention, or not know what they want (that’s the most confusing reason of all).

Sea cual sea la razón, una cosa es segura: People usually decide to cheat on their partner because they crave something that’s missing in their current relationship.

Puede ser cualquier cosa (falta de esfuerzo, de atención, de afecto, de espontaneidad, etc.).

The biggest mistake of cheating individuals is refusing to talk to their partner about how they could improve their relationship (there’s a reason for that too).

The main reason they “refuse” to talk to their partner about what’s missing in their relationship is that they’re not even aware of it (that something’s missing) until they find it in another person.

This may sound like a vicious cycle, but it is nothing that can’t be solved with regular open and honest communication, which is the basis of every healthy and happy relationship.

To help you better understand what’s really going on inside a cheating person’s head and the whole process of it, here are some interesting HECHOS sobre el engaño y cosas que todas las parejas infieles tienen en común:

• Every cheater is overly protective of their cell phone

• Men cheat more than women (sorry guys)

• (Most) cheaters feel insecure in their current relationship

• Cheating partners tend to flirt with everyone around them

• A lack of intimacy is the first señal de que su pareja podría estar engañándole en ti

• Cheating partners don’t think the affair partner is ‘better’ but instead ‘different’ than their current partner

• Narcissistic individuals are more likely to cheat

• Criticizing you is their way of trying to draw attention away from their bad behavior

• Cheating happens mostly when drunk

• Unhappy marriages and relationships lead to cheating

De todos los datos anteriores sobre parejas infieles...tengo la necesidad de llamar la atención sobre éste: Cheating partners don’t think the affair partner is ‘better’ than their current partner.

Esto es lo que piensan la mayoría de las parejas que han sido engañadas.

Pierden la confianza en sí mismos y se convencen de que su pareja piensa que no son lo suficientemente buenos y que el compañero sentimental es mejor que ellos en todos los aspectos.

This is not true at all. Cheating partners don’t think that their affair partner is better than you, but they see them as different from you.

There’s a huge difference between the two.

Sé que esto no es muy reconfortante, pero saberlo seguro que es beneficioso para tu autoestima.

Puede que te engañen, pero nunca dejes que destruyan tu confianza.

Culpar a otros es su juego favorito.

The basis of understanding a cheater’s nature is knowing their coping mechanisms after their sinful act.

Culpar a los demás es sin duda su juego favorito.

Rarely will you see a cheater admitting that they’ve made a mistake (if it can even be called so) and that they’re sorry for it.

Normalmente, siguen siendo infieles mientras tú no sepas nada.

Once you confront them about their cheating nature, they enter blame-shifting mode, or they pretend that nothing is going on and you’re just being paranoid.

This can be really confusing and frustrating, but that’s just how their mind operates when you start suspecting that they’re doing something behind your back or when you have proof of them being unfaithful.

Instead of admitting that they’re guilty of cheating, they will focus on finding ways to make you feel at fault instead.

Lo hacen para evitar ser el centro de atención. Quieren desesperadamente que la atención se centre en ti y no en ellos.

Éstos son algunos cosas frustrantes que dicen los infieles cuando se les confrontaacompañado de mis humildes comentarios entre paréntesis:

“You don’t trust me!” (Hell, no.)

“Fue algo puntual.” (Yeah, sure.)

“It didn’t mean anything to me.” (That still doesn’t change the fact that you’re a cheater.)

“It’s not what it looks like.” (I’m pretty sure that all these calls and texts are not from your grandma and that constantly staying late at work is not a pure coincidence.)

“I’m not happy anymore.” (Well, you could have said that earlier.)

“I did it because we weren’t having enough sex.” (Well, you could have addressed the issue earlier.)

“¡Se me insinuó!” (A stranger on the street also came on to me, but that didn’t mean I needed to follow them into their apartment.)

“Eso ocurrió hace mucho tiempo. Ahora las cosas son diferentes.” (Even if it happened five years ago, it still doesn’t change the fact that you’re a cheater.)

“I didn’t want to hurt you.” (Too late for that now, wouldn’t you agree?)

Tratar con un infiel que se hace la víctima

Otro juego favorito de los tramposos es hacerse la víctima.

It’s when they are so desperate to present themselves as poor creatures who didn’t know what they were doing or who were bewitched by their affair partner.

Tratar con un infiel que se hace la víctima puede ser un reto, pero como todo, es algo que se puede dominar.

Aquí están los mejores formas de tratar a un infiel que se hace la víctima:

• Make sure they know that nothing justifies cheating.

Just because they were feeling bored at the time doesn’t mean that cheating was the right option.

Or just because they were lacking something in your relationship doesn’t mean it was okay to cheat on you.

Nada justifica las trampas, porque hay muchas formas de resolver los problemas sin trampas.

• Tell them how you feel about this whole thing.

Often cheaters don’t even know how you’re feeling about the whole thing until you tell them.

Así que hazles saber cómo te han hecho sentir sus engaños.

• Ask them how they would feel if you were the one cheating on them.

Para ayudarles a comprender las consecuencias de sus actos, haz que tu pareja infiel invierta sus papeles.

Pregúntales cómo se sentirían si estuvieran en tu lugar. Su respuesta podría sorprenderte.

• Let them see the evidence (if you have any).

The moment they are faced with evidence, cheaters automatically stop playing the victim because there’s nothing they can do or lie about to justify their behavior.

I call this ‘the priceless moment of truth.’

Véase también: ¿Cómo se sienten los infieles consigo mismos? 17 respuestas y mitos desmentidos

¿Deberías volver con un infiel (o NO)?

Now that you know so much about a cheater’s nature, there’s one last thing you need to think about, and that is: Should you get back together with a cheater or not?

I will not tell you whether you should or shouldn’t because it’s a decision that everyone has to make for themselves.

Pero lo que puedo hacer es ayudarte a tomar la decisión correcta.

Dicho esto, he aquí algunos datos legítimos razones por las que nunca debes volver con un infiel:

• Chances are high that they will do it again

• They might not love you enough (as you love them)

• It’s impossible to forget their cheating act

• Trust issues are a real challenge in a relationship

• You deserve better

Si cree que estas razones no son suficientes, no dude en darles una segunda oportunidad.

But, if you don’t think that taking them back will make you happy, then you know what you ought to do.

When it comes to making the right decision regarding a cheater, it’s important that you think about yourself. Is reuniting with them a good idea?

¿Todavía les quieres? ¿Estáis los dos dispuestos a trabajar para mejorar vuestra relación?

Si sólo uno de los miembros de la pareja está dispuesto a trabajar en su comportamiento y en la relación, no funcionará.

Ambas partes deben estar igualmente comprometidas y dispuestas a trabajar juntas.

All in all, I’m sure you’ll make the right choice for both you and your partner.

Just don’t rush into anything and take some time to think about it. Good luck.