Come pensano i traditori (e perché non dovresti mai riprenderli)

Non prendiamoci in giro. Trovare un partner fedele è diventato come trovare un unicorno.

At first, they are all nice and trustworthy and, after some time, they become something you’d never imagine – cheaters.

No, I’m not saying that the entire male and female population are a bunch of cheaters, but this cheating trend is definitely on the rise.

Più della metà dei miei amici sono stati traditi a un certo punto della loro vita, e io stessa non faccio eccezione.

La domanda da un milione di dollari è: Perché le persone tradiscono?

Is cheating a decision made in a split second or a process that consists of many underlying issues in a relationship? What exactly happens in a cheater’s mind?

I’m not one of those people who take sides and blame one party for being bad or glorify the other for being victims.

I believe that there’s a reason for every action, and yes, cheating sucks and cannot be justified no matter how sorry the person is (if they’re sorry at all).

La mente di un traditore

Ci sono molte ragioni per cui qualcuno decide di tradire il proprio partner.

They might be bored with their current relationship, want attention, or not know what they want (that’s the most confusing reason of all).

Qualunque sia il motivo, una cosa è certa: People usually decide to cheat on their partner because they crave something that’s missing in their current relationship.

Potrebbe trattarsi di qualsiasi cosa (mancanza di impegno, attenzione, affetto, spontaneità, ecc.).

The biggest mistake of cheating individuals is refusing to talk to their partner about how they could improve their relationship (there’s a reason for that too).

The main reason they “refuse” to talk to their partner about what’s missing in their relationship is that they’re not even aware of it (that something’s missing) until they find it in another person.

This may sound like a vicious cycle, but it is nothing that can’t be solved with regular open and honest communication, which is the basis of every healthy and happy relationship.

To help you better understand what’s really going on inside a cheating person’s head and the whole process of it, here are some interesting I FATTI sull'imbroglio e Le cose che tutti i partner che tradiscono hanno in comune:

• Every cheater is overly protective of their cell phone

• Men cheat more than women (sorry guys)

• (Most) cheaters feel insecure in their current relationship

• Cheating partners tend to flirt with everyone around them

• A lack of intimacy is the first segno che il vostro partner potrebbe tradirvi su di te

• Cheating partners don’t think the affair partner is ‘better’ but instead ‘different’ than their current partner

• Narcissistic individuals are more likely to cheat

• Criticizing you is their way of trying to draw attention away from their bad behavior

• Cheating happens mostly when drunk

• Unhappy marriages and relationships lead to cheating

Di tutti i fatti sopra citati su partner traditoriHo l'urgenza di richiamare l'attenzione su questo: Cheating partners don’t think the affair partner is ‘better’ than their current partner.

Questa è la cosa che pensa la maggior parte dei partner che sono stati traditi.

Perdono la fiducia in se stessi e si convincono che il partner pensa di non essere all'altezza e che il partner della relazione è migliore di loro in ogni aspetto.

This is not true at all. Cheating partners don’t think that their affair partner is better than you, but they see them as different from you.

There’s a huge difference between the two.

So che questo non è molto confortante, ma saperlo è sicuramente utile per la vostra autostima.

Potrebbero tradirvi, ma non lasciate che distruggano la vostra fiducia.

Lo scaricabarile è il loro gioco preferito.

The basis of understanding a cheater’s nature is knowing their coping mechanisms after their sinful act.

Lo scaricabarile è sicuramente il loro gioco preferito.

Rarely will you see a cheater admitting that they’ve made a mistake (if it can even be called so) and that they’re sorry for it.

Di solito, continuano a essere infedeli per tutto il tempo in cui voi non ne sapete nulla.

Once you confront them about their cheating nature, they enter blame-shifting mode, or they pretend that nothing is going on and you’re just being paranoid.

This can be really confusing and frustrating, but that’s just how their mind operates when you start suspecting that they’re doing something behind your back or when you have proof of them being unfaithful.

Instead of admitting that they’re guilty of cheating, they will focus on finding ways to make you feel at fault instead.

Lo fanno per evitare di essere al centro dell'attenzione. Vogliono disperatamente che l'attenzione si concentri su di voi invece che su di loro.

Ecco alcuni Le cose frustranti che i traditori dicono quando vengono affrontati, accompagnata dai miei umili commenti tra le parentesi:

"You don’t trust me!” (Hell, no.)

"È stato solo un caso isolato.” (Yeah, sure.)

"It didn’t mean anything to me.” (That still doesn’t change the fact that you’re a cheater.)

"It’s not what it looks like.” (I’m pretty sure that all these calls and texts are not from your grandma and that constantly staying late at work is not a pure coincidence.)

"I’m not happy anymore.” (Well, you could have said that earlier.)

"I did it because we weren’t having enough sex.” (Well, you could have addressed the issue earlier.)

"Lui/lei ci ha provato con me!” (A stranger on the street also came on to me, but that didn’t mean I needed to follow them into their apartment.)

"È successo molto tempo fa. Ora le cose sono diverse.” (Even if it happened five years ago, it still doesn’t change the fact that you’re a cheater.)

"I didn’t want to hurt you.” (Too late for that now, wouldn’t you agree?)

Trattare con un traditore che fa la vittima

Un altro gioco preferito dagli imbroglioni è quello di fare la vittima.

It’s when they are so desperate to present themselves as poor creatures who didn’t know what they were doing or who were bewitched by their affair partner.

Affrontare un traditore che fa la vittima può essere impegnativo, ma come per ogni altra cosa, è qualcosa che si può dominare.

Ecco i migliori modi per affrontare un traditore che fa la vittima:

• Make sure they know that nothing justifies cheating.

Just because they were feeling bored at the time doesn’t mean that cheating was the right option.

Or just because they were lacking something in your relationship doesn’t mean it was okay to cheat on you.

Nulla giustifica l'imbroglio, perché ci sono molti modi diversi dall'imbroglio per affrontare i problemi.

• Tell them how you feel about this whole thing.

Often cheaters don’t even know how you’re feeling about the whole thing until you tell them.

Quindi, fategli sapere come vi ha fatto sentire il loro tradimento.

• Ask them how they would feel if you were the one cheating on them.

Per aiutarli a capire le conseguenze delle loro azioni, presentate al vostro partner traditore un'inversione di ruolo.

Chiedete loro come si sentirebbero se fossero nei vostri panni. La loro risposta potrebbe sorprendervi.

• Let them see the evidence (if you have any).

The moment they are faced with evidence, cheaters automatically stop playing the victim because there’s nothing they can do or lie about to justify their behavior.

I call this ‘the priceless moment of truth.’

Vedi anche: Come si sentono i traditori? 17 risposte e miti sfatati

Dovreste riprendervi un traditore (o no)?

Now that you know so much about a cheater’s nature, there’s one last thing you need to think about, and that is: Should you get back together with a cheater or not?

I will not tell you whether you should or shouldn’t because it’s a decision that everyone has to make for themselves.

Ma quello che posso fare è aiutarvi a fare la scelta giusta.

Detto questo, ecco alcuni esempi legittimi di I motivi per cui non dovreste mai riprendervi un traditore:

• Chances are high that they will do it again

• They might not love you enough (as you love them)

• It’s impossible to forget their cheating act

• Trust issues are a real challenge in a relationship

• You deserve better

Se pensate che questi motivi non siano sufficienti, non esitate a dare loro una seconda possibilità.

But, if you don’t think that taking them back will make you happy, then you know what you ought to do.

When it comes to making the right decision regarding a cheater, it’s important that you think about yourself. Is reuniting with them a good idea?

Li amate ancora? Siete entrambi disposti a lavorare per migliorare la vostra relazione?

Se solo uno dei due partner è disposto a lavorare sul proprio comportamento e sulla relazione, non funzionerà.

Entrambi i partner devono essere ugualmente impegnati e disposti a lavorare insieme.

All in all, I’m sure you’ll make the right choice for both you and your partner.

Just don’t rush into anything and take some time to think about it. Good luck.