Detectar y detener el abuso narcisista

Estar involucrado con un narcisista es el infierno en la tierra. Tarde o temprano, la persona más cercana a ellos cae en la trampa de su narcisista ciclo de abuso que parece imposible salir.

Ellos gaslight y manipulan a sus víctimas. Devalúan su valía y los aíslan del resto del mundo.

And that’s not even the beginning of it. The truth is that juegan contigo de diferentes maneras. Pero if you’ve ever dealt with a narcissist, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Well, I’m here to give you hope and to tell you that there is hope for your salvation. I’m here to give you instructions on how to identify narcissistic abuse, how to escape it, and, finally, how to heal from it.

¿Qué es el abuso narcisista?

El abuso narcisista es cualquier forma de maltrato realizado por un individuo que sufre un trastorno narcisista de la personalidad. What’s crucial here is to understand that not only physical violence counts as abuse.

Existen otras formas de abuso narcisista, como el abuso emocional o verbal, que son igualmente perjudiciales para la víctima.

¿Cuáles son los síntomas del abuso narcisista?

Identificar el abuso narcisista is the hardest part of the entire process. The victim is not sure whether they’re exaggerating, imagining things, or really being abused.

That’s why I’ve compiled all the signs of narcissistic abuse and explained them in detail. I promise that after reading this, you’ll be able to detectar a un narcisista en la primera cita!

1. Chantaje emocional

Según la definición, chantaje emocional significa cuando alguien utiliza literalmente tus emociones en tu contra. It’s a form of manipulation people with narcissistic personality disorder frequently use against their victims.

The abuser knows you very well, and they’re aware they’re your weak spot. So whenever you try to leave them, they pasar la aspiradoraPueden amenazar con suicidarse o hacerte daño de cualquier otra forma.

Éste es sólo uno de los muchos ejemplos de chantaje emocional. Básicamente, tu pareja narcisista hace diferentes demandas para conseguir lo que quiere de ti.

Otro caso común de chantaje emocional es la situación en la que tu pareja reacciona negativamente a tus decisiones.

For example, if you do something they don’t like, they’ll pretend to be the victim. They will threaten to leave you or to be depressed just so you feel remorse and, eventually, start behaving the way they want.

Esta es sólo una de las formas en que los narcisistas obtienen poder y control sobre sus víctimas.

2. Luz de gas

Almost all victims of narcissistic abuse have been subjected to gaslighting – a very powerful narcissistic technique and form of psychological abuse.

Básicamente, cuando narcisistas gaslight ustedlos sociópatas distorsionan tu sentido de la realidad. Juegan con tu cordura hasta que, con el tiempo, empiezas a cuestionarte todo lo que te rodea.

Simplemente dicho, el gaslighting es una forma de abuso mental donde la otra persona miente, te engaña y tergiversa la verdad.

He aquí un ejemplo. Sabes muy bien cómo se desarrolló cierta discusión entre tu pareja narcisista y tú. Sin embargo, al cabo de un tiempo, cuando sacas el tema a colación, ellos afirman que tuvo lugar una versión totalmente diferente de los hechos.

And the worst part is that they’re so sure about it to the point where you wonder if you’re going mad. Of course, you have no idea that they’re actually trying to gaslight usted.

Esto suele ocurrir en relación con el maltrato físico. Por ejemplo, recuerdas que tu pareja te pegó o hizo algo abusivo.

Sin embargo, al cabo de un tiempo, niegan que haya ocurrido. Niegan haberte insultado o haber hecho algo que pudiera herir tus sentimientos.

Sometimes, it goes as far as hiding things from you or claiming that they saw you at a place you know you’ve never been to.

3. Devaluar su valor

Tienes que ser consciente de una cosa: todos los narcisistas luchan contra la inseguridad y la baja autoestima. Al mismo tiempo, saben lo digno que eres, así que no tienen más remedio que rebajarte a su nivel.

That’s why they’ll do everything in their power to destroy your mental health. After all, that’s the only way for them to feel superior and manipulate you in different ways.

The main goal of psychological manipulation is to reduce your worth. A narcissistic person will find ways to get inside your head and make you feel like you’re not enough.

Puede que lo intenten insultándote, mientras que otros te hacen cumplidos por la espalda. Otros narcisistas inventarán historias sobre tus seres queridos hablando a tus espaldas y comentando tus defectos.

Even though they might use different tactics, at the end of the day, the result is the same. They want you to get the impression they’re the only ones you can trust. And when they achieve that, they can control you like a puppet and get you to do whatever they want.

4. Egocentrismo

When you’re in a romantic relationship with a narcissist, everything revolves around them. Even though they hide it extremely well at the beginning, you see how selfish they actually are later on.

In fact, people who suffer from NPD are egomaniacs in most cases. They’re preoccupied with themselves, and their ego becomes the only thing they care about.

In some cases, they’re unable to see the other person’s point of view, while in other cases, they’re capable of doing so but consciously refuse to.

They constantly act like you’re beneath them in every way possible. They have a sense of entitlement and that they basically have the right to do whatever they want. At the same time, terms like ‘equality’ and ‘equity’ don’t exist in their dictionary.

But a narcissist doesn’t only act like they’re better than everyone else. That’s actually what they keep telling themselves.

At the same time, things are actually completely opposite. They’re dealing with deeply rooted insecurities and serious self-esteem problems that they try to resolve by putting everyone else down.

5. Falta de empatía

The best way to spot someone’s egocentrism is through their lack of empathy (beware that this is also quite common for psychopaths). Actually, that might be one of the reasons atraen a los empáticos en primer lugar.

When you’re involved in a narcissistic relationship, the other person never puts any effort into walking a mile in your shoes.

They have no compassion for their victims at all. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be treating them this way constantly.

When a narcissist hurts you, they don’t think about how their actions will make you feel. They don’t think about the consequences their behavior leaves on other people.

They don’t care what happens to you, and they never take your emotions into consideration. All they can think about is how the situation will affect them, which is, again, a sign of egocentrism as well.

6. Bombardeo amoroso

If you ever feel guilty for falling for a narcissist, it’s clear that you’re not familiar with the term bombardeo de amor.

En realidad, el término lo dice todo: el bombardeo amoroso se produce cuando una persona narcisista te bombardea con amor, atención y afecto.

If you look closely, you’ll notice the first signs of this manipulation technique in the initial stages of your relationship.

This is when you’ll think you’ve finally met your soulmate after all the failures. You’ll meet a person who tells you they love you right away, a person who has no trouble labeling your relationship, and who talks about the future from day one.

At first, you’ll wonder if they’re too good to be true. Well, sadly, nothing they show you is real.

Esto es lo que la gente con rasgos narcisistas para atraer a sus víctimas. Te colman de cumplidos, te colman de regalos caros, explotan tu teléfono con textos and calls…

Before you know it, your sense of self-worth is determined by the amount of attention they give you. Once they realize they’ve made it, that’s when signs of narcissistic abuse start.

Their behavior completely changes, and they take away all the love they’ve been giving you. Consequently, you try your best to get the person from the beginning of the story back.

And that’s how you get stuck in this kind of toxic relationship without being aware of that.

7. Mentiras y engaños

People who suffer from narcissism never show you their true selves. Why? Because deep down, they know they’re not enough.

Así que en su lugar, muestran esta versión maquillada de sí mismos. Te presentan la persona que quieren ser.

It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about narcissistic parents, co-workers, or romantic partners – every relationship with a narcissist is filled with mentiras y engaños.

The problem with these people is that they actually lie to themselves. They’re not honest when they look at themselves in the mirror, so they can’t be honest with you either.

They are actually generating their sense of self-worth from your reaction. That’s why they convince you that they’re much better versions of their true selves.

The biggest problem here is that they’re extremely skilled liars. They are capable of inventing an entire fake life, backed up with social media accounts, degrees, jobs…

Al igual que los que padecen el trastorno límite de la personalidad, los narcisistas también tienen un fuerte miedo al abandono.

Even though this doesn’t justify their behavior, the truth is that they lie because they’re convinced nobody would ever accept them for who they really are.

8. Víctima jugando

Pase lo que pase en tu relación romántica, de alguna manera, tú resultas ser el villano. Al mismo tiempo, tu pareja se hace la víctima.

But if you look at things objectively, it’s actually quite the opposite. They’re the violent ones, the ones who manipulate you, insult you, and put you through other forms of abuse.

Sin embargo, de algún modo, consiguen darle la vuelta a la tortilla y hacerle quedar como el malo de la película en todos los escenarios.

Even if they literally hit you, they’ll blame you. They’ll start crying and accusing you that you provoked them.

You end up being responsible for every argument you two have. You’re guilty of everything wrong in your relationship.

Sounds familiar? Well, it looks like you’re dealing with a person who suffers from NPD.

When this happens, please keep in mind that you’re the one being subjected to physical, emotional, and verbal abuse in this relationship. You’re the victim of your partner’s narcissistic behavior; it’s not the other way around.

9. Aislamiento social

A healthy relationship gives you enough space to be yourself outside of the romance. But when you’re involved with a narcissist, they want you all to themselves.

At first, you may even find it cute. They’re obviously so in love with you that they can’t spend a minute without you around.

Pero cuidado, porque en realidad se trata de otra forma de abuso emocional. It’s clear that your partner wants to isolate you from your loved ones.

Why? Well, because it’s easier for them to manipulate you that way.

Wouldn’t your best friend or a family member warn you that you’re in an abusive relationship? Wouldn’t they try to tell you that your partner hitting you is not normal and that you’re actually going through domestic violence?

Wouldn’t they do their best to take off your rose-tinted glasses and help you see the truth?

Por supuesto que sí, y tu pareja narcisista es perfectamente consciente de ello. Por eso, hace todo lo que está en su mano para que dejes de lado a todos los demás.

Empiezan siendo demasiado necesitados. Inventan actividades para ocupar tu tiempo e impiden que contactes con nadie más.

After that, they start planting seeds of doubt in your mind. They keep telling you that your best friend doesn’t have your best interest at heart or that your parents have always loved your siblings more than you.

Empieza con tonterías, pero al final, empiezas a evitar a los más cercanos.

If that doesn’t work, they proceed in making you jealous. They become possessive and emotionally blackmail you into never spending time with anyone besides them.

Véase también: 13 etapas del divorcio de un narcisista y cómo superarlas

¿Cuáles son los 9 rasgos de un narcisista?

Según el DSM (Manual diagnóstico y estadístico de los trastornos mentales), el NPD está clasificado como uno de los diez trastornos de la personalidad. Esto es lo que dicen los 9 rasgos narcisistas más comunes son:

1. Grandiosidad

2. Necesidad excesiva de admiración

3. Relaciones superficiales y de explotación

4. 4. Falta de empatía

5. Alteración de la identidad

6. Dificultad con el apego y la dependencia

7. Sentimientos crónicos de vacío y aburrimiento

8. Vulnerabilidad a las transiciones vitales

9. Factores de riesgo de suicidio y intentos de suicidio.

Ciclo del abuso narcisista

No todos los narcisistas son iguales. Algunos padecen otras enfermedades mentales, algunos son sociópatasAlgunos son psicópatas, otros padecen un trastorno límite de la personalidad y otros sólo tienen... rasgos narcisistas.

A pesar de eso, hay un cierto patrón de comportamiento que todos siguen después de encontrar una nueva víctima. It’s called a narcissistic abuse cycle, and here is how it usually goes.

1. Idealización

Al principio, un maltratador narcisista idealiza a su víctima. Los ponen en un pedestal y los ven como su salvación.

They refuse to notice their victim’s flaws. For them, this is not just an ordinary human being – they’re the closest thing to perfection.

Por supuesto, a esta idealización le sigue el bombardeo amoroso. Siguen convenciendo a su víctima de que ambos son almas gemelas destinadas a pasar la eternidad juntos.

This is more than love they’re experiencing. This is a destiny and a once-in-a-lifetime kind of connection.

El principal problema es que casi todas las víctimas lo confunden con la fase de luna de miel, habitual en la mayoría de las nuevas relaciones.

Pero hay una diferencia crucial: el bombardeo amoroso y la idealización pretenden crear dependencia emocional, poder y control. En cambio, en la fase de luna de miel todo son mariposas.

2. Devaluación

In a healthy relationship, things don’t change much after the honeymoon stage. Yes, the butterflies fly away, but most couples keep on loving and respecting each other. The worst thing that can happen here is falling into a rut.

Nevertheless, this is where a narcissistic relationship is different. This is when victims of narcissistic abuse see their partner’s true colors for the first time.

Esta es la fase del ciclo en la que el narcisista devalúa a su víctima. Destruye su autoestima y su sentido de la propia valía.

Aquí es donde comienzan los insultos, el maltrato físico y las diferentes formas de manipulación.

3. Rechazo

Finally, the third phase begins once the narcissist has fulfilled all of their twisted needs. They’re aware they’ve managed to ruin their victim but don’t feel sorry about it due to their lack of empathy.

Es entonces cuando la persona que padece el trastorno narcisista de la personalidad comienza a alejar a su víctima. Their job is done here, and they’re ready to move on to the next person they’ll also break.

Trucos y consejos para la recuperación del abuso narcisista

Sobrevivir a este tipo de abusos and coming out of it stronger is doable. Nevertheless, it’s easier with the help of this step-by-step guide.

1. Desapego emocional

Before actually leaving your narcissist, it’s more important to desapegarse emocionalmente de ellos. ¿Qué significa eso?

Alejarse de un maltratador no siempre es fácil. De hecho, en la mayoría de los casos, puede ser potencialmente peligroso.

Now that you know who you’re dealing with, you can’t just walk out the door. You need an exit strategy and a support system.

What about your relationship? Start with reducing all the communication with your partner. Even when you have to talk to them, always be aware of what they’re doing.

Don’t argue with them. But when they try to manipulate you, identify their tactics in your head.

You don’t have to tell them that you’ve figured them out. It’s enough to mentally tell yourself: They’re trying to gaslight me now. I am aware of it, and I won’t fall into that trap.

Don’t fall for their false promises, and kill all hopes that things will change.

2. Ningún contacto

Después de que finalmente los dejes, tu narcisista hará todo lo que esté en su poder para recuperarte. They’ll bargain, pedirte que sigamos siendo amigos, beg, shower you with love, make false promises… They’ll basically become the person you once fell in love with.

This is a trap! They won’t ever change. They just want you back so they can go back to their old ways the moment they see they’ve managed to capture you once again.

But that doesn’t mean you won’t hesitate to ride into the sunset with them. Well, that’s why you have to take all precautionary measures to prevent this.

Lo que quiero que hagas es ir sin contacto. ¡Córtalos por completo y para siempre!

Block their number, block their social media accounts, stop talking to anyone who’ll give you information about them, stop showing up wherever you could encounter them… Desaparece de su vida y ruega a Dios que ellos también desaparezcan de la tuya.

3. 3. Sistema de apoyo

I mentioned earlier the importance of a support system. Let’s make it clear: pasar por todo este proceso solo lo hará todo mucho más difícil.

That’s why you must turn to people you trust. Yes, I know that you’ve probably ignored them while you were in the relationship.

You never returned your best friend’s calls, and you even cut ties with most of your family.

Pero bueno, esta es tu gente. Entienden perfectamente todo por lo que estabas pasando, y te prometo que te acogerán con brazos abiertos.

Así que ármate de valor y llámales. Diles que quieres salir y pídeles ayuda.

First of all, they’ll give you much-needed emotional support. But not only that – they can also help you get by after you leave.

What if you don’t have anyone to turn to? Ask your healthcare provider to give you information on where you can seek help.

There are numerous support groups for victims of narcissistic abuse. You’ll get the guidance you need there.

4. Autocuidado

Lo que la mayoría de las víctimas olvidan en todo este lío es aprender a amarse a sí mismos de nuevo. You’re so focused on getting out of this abusive relationship alive that you completely forget the importance of self-care.

Please, use this time to spoil yourself. Use it to remember how much you deserve. Use it to remember that you’re worthy of self-love. At last, use it to regain your sense of self-worth.

Véase también: El arte de reflejar a un narcisista

5 etapas de la curación del abuso narcisista

Healing from narcissistic abuse doesn’t end the moment you leave the relationship. It’s an undertaking that dura mucho más de lo que crees.

A decir verdad, cada víctima se cura a su propio ritmo. Sin embargo, todas tienen algo en común: pasan por las mismas etapas de superar a un narcisista.

1. Denegación

Al principio, todas las víctimas lo niegan. They refuse to accept that their partner has a severe mental health condition and that they’re their victim.

It’s not possible that this is happening to me. They were so loving and kind.

I’ve finally found my true soulmate. This is just a phase. It will go away.

Maybe it’s something I’ve done. They will go back to their old ways before I know it.

If these and similar thoughts are going through your head, you’re definitely in denial. But that doesn’t have to be so bad. After all, it is the first step of healing.

2. Vergüenza y culpa

Maybe it’s something I’ve done. They will go back to their old ways.

My family can never find out about this! I don’t want them to look at my partner differently! I don’t want people to think they don’t love me!

Let me cover up this bruise! I guess they’re right – I really did provoke them to hit me.

These are all common thoughts every victim of narcissistic abuse thinks. This isn’t strange for victims of emotional abuse as well as for ones who go through domestic violence.

If you can relate to this, please let me tell you that you’re not to blame. There is nothing to be ashamed of – your abuser is the only one responsible for this, and they’re the one who should be ashamed.

But this is exactly what they want. They count on your feelings of self-blame. After all, they’ve implanted it inside your brain.

En lugar de ocultar las cosas a tus allegados, busca tu grupo de apoyo. Ábrete a alguien y deja que te dé su punto de vista.

3. Ira

Esta es la etapa en la que empiezas a odiar a tu agresor. Y con razón.

Quieres destruirlos a toda costa. Quieres que paguen por cada lágrima que lloraste.

So you try to get even. You try to hurt them without being aware that you’re just sinking deeper.

Créeme: la única manera de interpretar a un narcisista es ignorarlos. Nunca se puede ser más listo que ellos when it comes to manipulation because you have something they don’t possess: empathy.

4. Depresión

Después de que desaparezcan los sentimientos de ira, la depresión llama a tu puerta. En realidad, es la primera vez que consigues ver tu situación con objetividad.

It’s the first time you realize everything you’ve been through. La primera vez que la realidad te golpea con fuerza en la cabeza.

And it’s perfectly normal for you not to be happy about it.

Instead, you feel like your narcissist has taken away your desire to live. You’ve moved on from them physically up to now, but your mind is still trapped in darkness.

No tienes motivación para volver a tu antigua vida. Todo lo que ves son nubes tormentosas sin ningún rayo de sol.

Mira, no hay nada raro en sentirse así. But if your depression lasts longer than a couple of weeks, maybe it’s time to talk to a healthcare professional.

There are mental health professionals who’ll help you drag yourself out of this abyss you’ve fallen into. Please, ask for help if you see that this is more than you can handle by yourself!

5. Curación

Finally, you start to slowly accept everything that went on. Not only that – you also accept that none of it was your fault.

Después de algún tiempo, incluso perdona a tus narcisistas. You don’t forget what they did to you, nor do you justify their behavior, but somehow, you let the anger go.

You have no trouble talking about your experience anymore. On the contrary, you’re more than willing to help other victims going through the same thing.

Maybe you’re still not ready for a new relationship, but you know that, eventually, you’ll get there. Your traumas haven’t magically faded away, but things are getting better.

Congratulations, you’ve healed!

C-TEPT Abuso Narcisista

C-PTSD son las siglas de Complex Trastorno de estrés postraumático. Esta condición puede ser una consecuencia del abuso narcisista.

Sometimes, people don’t overcome everything they’ve experienced in their abusive relationships the moment they escape it.

Instead, they develop a trauma that haunts them long after the relationship ends. Of course, this is highly treatable, but it’s important for the victim to identify their post-traumatic stress disorder and ask for help in time.

Síntomas del TEPT-C

Si sientes alguno de estos síntomas a pesar de haberte alejado de tu relación narcisista hace tiempo, considera la posibilidad de buscar ayuda:

1. Impotencia

2. Miedo

3. Ira abrumadora

4. Vergüenza

5. Flashbacks

¿Qué es el abuso narcisista? Ejemplos:

Some of the most common examples of narcissistic abuse are physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse (insulting, criticizing, shaming, bullying), emotional manipulation, threats…

Cada una de estas técnicas sirve para lo mismo: destruir y traumatizar a la otra persona tanto como sea posible.

You must wonder why they do it: it’s the only way for them to feel dominant and because they’re mentally ill people who enjoy making others suffer.

¿Qué hacen los narcisistas a sus víctimas?

Narcissists use different methods to get inside their victims’ heads, but it all comes down to manipulation at the end of the day. Their final goal is to destroy one’s self-esteem because that’s the only way for them to feel better about themselves and feed their egotistical needs.

They implant self-doubt, guilt, and shame into their victim’s brain. They make them feel crazy and isolate them from everyone who could help them see the truth at the same time.

Para concluir

Escaping the cycle of narcissistic abuse is never easy. To be honest, it will probably be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do.

Pero créeme, se puede hacer con mucho esfuerzo, energía y devoción.

Nevertheless, I won’t lie to you: you’ll never be the same person you were before this hit you. But hey, I’m not talking about your traumas and baggage here.

I’m talking about the strength you’ll gain. I’m talking about how after this, you’ll never settle for less than you deserve, nor will you need anyone’s approval to feel worthy.

I guess there is a silver lining to every cloud, and yours are the lessons you’ll learn.