Todo lo que necesita saber sobre el malvado arte de echar la culpa a otros
Gaslighting, threats, self-deception, and blame shifting. These are the most popular tactics used by abusive people and today we’ll focus on the art of playing the blame game.
¿Qué es el desplazamiento de la culpa?
Es una táctica o comportamiento emocionalmente abusivo utilizado por los maltratadores en el que atribuyen sus propios sentimientos, pensamientos no deseados y motivos a la víctima (otra persona).
En otras palabras, es una táctica abusiva en la que los agresores culpan a los demás de sus acciones, problemas y su propio estado de ánimo.
Es un tipo de mecanismo de autodefensa popular entre narcisistas e individuos controladores.
En lugar de aceptar las consecuencias de sus propios actos y hacer frente a sus sentimientos, optan por culpar a los demás.
El deseo de eludir la responsabilidad de los problemas les convierte en culpabilizadores. Utilizan un lenguaje específico y tácticas sucias para convencer a la víctima de que la culpa es suya.
Such abusive behavior is a direct attack on the victim’s well-being. Learning about red flags and types of blame shifting will help you recognize abusive behavior on time.
¿Por qué los narcisistas y las personas controladoras tienden a echar la culpa a otros?
Esta es probablemente la primera pregunta que nos viene a la mente cuando pensamos en los culpables y sus sucias tácticas. ¿Por qué lo hacen? ¿Creen que no te darás cuenta?
Lo hacen por muchas razones y las más comunes son las siguientes:
Evitar asumir la responsabilidad de sus palabras y acciones
Son conscientes de todas las cosas hirientes que han dicho/hecho a la víctima y, al culparla, evitan asumir toda la responsabilidad por ello.
Utilizan frases como: You make me really mad. I would never have done it if you hadn’t… Con palabras como éstas, obligan a la víctima a creer que lo que ha ocurrido es culpa suya.
Y en la mayoría de los casos, la víctima empieza a creer que es verdad. La culpabilización de las víctimas tiene este efecto en las personas.
They start thinking that everything is their fault and that they need to change themselves but in reality, the only problem is the abuser’s behavior.
That is why the victims often become more self-aware and worried about their next move. They start walking on eggshells, being anxious about repeating the same “mistake” and pissing off the abuser.
Mantener/establecer el dominio
Todo maltratador sabe que la forma más fácil de mantener o establecer el dominio sobre alguien es hacerle sentir menos digno y privarle de confianza en sí mismo.
Al culpar a los demás, les están enviando un mensaje: Nunca serás lo bastante bueno, por mucho que lo intentes.
Por eso, las víctimas se convencen de que nunca serán lo bastante buenas y empiezan a pensar que merecen ser tratadas así o, mejor dicho, maltratadas.
Y así es como un maltratador consigue establecer y mantener el dominio sobre la otra persona. Estas relaciones tóxicas pueden durar años sin que la víctima sepa qué está pasando exactamente.
Véase también: Comportamiento controlador: Signos, causas y cómo afrontarlo
Para preservar su sentido de superioridad
Narcissists and controlling people NEED to be always right. If you’re in a relationship with such a person, no matter what you say to them, it will be turned against you.
Hacen esto como método de autoconservación y para proteger su sentido de superioridad. No importa lo que hagas o digas, sus métodos y su forma de pensar siempre serán mejores que los tuyos.
Ser superior a alguien hace que sea más fácil manipularlo y así es exactamente como funciona el arte del cambio de culpas.
El que siente que tiene la culpa es el que acaba subordinado en una relación y en general.
Seguir haciendo cosas malas sin sentir pena por ello
Otra razón por la que los narcisistas y las personas controladoras tienen tendencia a culpar a los demás es porque necesitan una coartada para seguir haciendo cosas malas sin necesidad de dar explicaciones ni sentir pena por ello.
They even convince themselves that the victim is to blame so that they don’t feel guilty for accusing them. This helps them continue with the same mistreatment of the victim.
Por supuesto, la víctima no es consciente de nada de esto y así es como indirectamente dan luz verde al maltratador para que siga maltratándola.
Cómo funciona el desplazamiento de culpas
El desplazamiento de la culpa es una táctica emocionalmente abusiva que funciona según el principio de que el agresor conoce todas tus debilidades y las utiliza en tu contra.
Se centran en tus inseguridades, tu tendencia a complacer a los demás y tu mentalidad general.
They learn exactly where to hit you with words so that they can shift blame onto you and make you apologize even though you haven’t done anything wrong.
Their goal is to CONVINCE you that you’re the one to blame.
They know how to influence you into thinking that you need to start working on your behavior because if you don’t, they will continue doing bad things because of you.
Their goal is to make you believe that you’re the main cause of their bad behavior toward you.
Los maltratadores se centran únicamente en tus palabras y acciones para poder desarrollar una estrategia en la que utilizarán tus inseguridades para culparte.
Most victims were emotionally neglected during childhood thus experiencing a lack of love, support, and protection. That is why they don’t see all those warning signs as such but as something that is normal.
Cuando creces en un entorno inestable, tu sentido de la realidad se distorsiona. Tus niveles de confianza y autoestima disminuyen considerablemente, lo que te convierte en un blanco fácil para los maltratadores.
Por eso, muchas víctimas pasan años en una relación abusiva porque piensan que el problema está en ellas y no en el maltratador.
Las víctimas suelen convencerse de que en realidad son maltratadores y se esfuerzan por complacer al verdadero maltratador.
Una vez tuve una relación con un hombre así.
When I first met him, I had no idea that he belonged to the crew of emotional abusers. I mean, I couldn’t know until something happened.
Para ser exactos, ocurrieron algunos incidentes menores y me di cuenta de que él intentaba echarme la culpa sólo para defender su imagen de sí mismo. Me di cuenta de que yo era el chivo expiatorio en nuestra relación.
Siempre decía cosas como: Admit that you did something wrong and If you didn’t do it, I wouldn’t have to say/do this/that.
Pensaba por un momento en sus palabras e instantáneamente empezaba a culparme por todas esas cosas que habían pasado. Me decía: I’m not good enough. I need to work on myself. I need to become better.
The reason why he succeeded in convincing me that I was the one to blame is because I’m an empath and I really care about other people’s feelings. And he knew that very well.
La empatía era mi punto débil y sus tendencias narcisistas probablemente me habrían destruido si no hubiera abierto los ojos y me hubiera dado cuenta de que durante todo ese tiempo él era el culpable. Era él quien necesitaba trabajar en sí mismo.
Las 5 técnicas de culpabilización más utilizadas por los narcisistas
Restar importancia a sus sentimientos
This is probably one of the most popular narcissistic techniques. From my friends’ recent experiences, I can see that it is still trending. This abusive technique works like this:
Let’s say that they hurt you one way or another and you tell them how you are feeling about it. Instead of accepting it and sympathizing, an abuser would laugh at you and belittle your feelings.
Dirían algo como: You’re overly sensitive. You’re overreacting. You’re imagining things. You’re insane. You lack a sense of humor.
Al decir todo esto, te están culpando a ti por tu reacción y no por algo que hayan hecho ellos.
Ya no son el problema y el centro de atención, sino que te hacen sentir como si tú fueras el problema por reaccionar de forma exagerada o ser demasiado sensible.
Ahora toda la atención se centra en ti y no en su mal comportamiento, que es exactamente su principal objetivo.
Hacerse la víctima
Si les pides que dejen de burlarse de ti o de tratarte mal, enseguida empiezan a hacerse las víctimas. Se refieren a hechos pasados alegando que entonces les hiciste daño, convirtiéndose en la víctima.
Esta técnica también se utiliza para desviar la atención de ellos y centrarla en la víctima. Al acusarte de haberles hecho daño en el pasado, cambian de tema e indirectamente obligándote a disculparte.
They are so skillful at this blaming game that you don’t even realize what’s really happening. From being an abuser, they turn themselves into the biggest victim and they make you apologize and feel sorry for them.
So, you end up apologizing, not knowing why or how, but you do because it feels like the right thing to do (especially if you’re an empath like myself).
Ver también: 13 Cosas raras que hacen los narcisistas para manipular a sus víctimas
Historias de compasión
The truth is that many abusers grew up in an unstable environment where their emotional needs weren’t met and they were neglected. That’s their favorite tool for making you feel sorry for them.
Si te hacen daño y planteas cómo te sientes al respecto, dicen algo sobre su infancia traumática, un ex maltratador o algo similar. Lo hacen solo para justificar sus actos y hacer que simpatices con ellos.
Entonces, ¿qué haces? Como víctima, empiezas a compadecerte de ellos, a abrazarlos y a consolarlos, a pesar de que son ellos los que deberían hacerlo en primer lugar, porque te han hecho daño a TI, ¿recuerdas?
Utilizan historias de lástima para crear una imagen de sí mismos como seres frágiles y heridos que no tienen control sobre sus actos.
They make you believe that they aren’t doing anything intentionally but that their past events are to blame for their abusive behavior.
These past events soon become an excuse for them to do whatever they want to you while you’re showering them with understanding, solace, and nice words.
Ponerte a la defensiva
Hay muchas formas en las que un maltratador pone a la víctima a la defensiva y discutir sobre la discusión es una de las más comunes.
They don’t focus on what’s being discussed but rather on the way you’re discussing it with them.
Critican tu tono de voz, te acusan de proyectar, de hacer luz de gas, de echar culpas y de minimizar, etc.
La atención ya no se centra en su comportamiento, que es el tema de la discusión. En su lugar, la atención se centra en ti y en tu estilo de argumentar.
That is when you start apologizing for the tone of your voice, for “blaming them” and such. They accuse you of things that are not true and have nothing to do with the overall argument.
Al ponerte a la defensiva, consiguen echarte la culpa a ti con facilidad.
La bomba fétida
When they are running short of excuses and blaming techniques, abusers decide to throw the stench bomb; to accuse you of terrible things you know you didn’t do.
While you’re focused on what they did to you and struggling to find words to explain how you’re feeling, they are busy thinking of accusing you of things.
When you know exactly what you’re going to tell them, they intercept you by saying something like the following: You are the one who abused me. I know you lied to me. You’re a psychopath and a stalker. You never cared about me. You played me.
Le dan la vuelta a la discusión para acusarte de abuso narcisista. Te cogen desprevenido y ya no sabes qué querías decirles en primer lugar.
Lo único en lo que puedes concentrarte es en intentar defenderte y convencerles de que no dicen la verdad. Una vez más, consiguen lo que querían: Now the blame is yours and not theirs.
If You’re A Victim Of Blame Shifting, Here’s What You Need To Do!
If you or someone you know are dealing with blame shifters, you will probably become tempted to start justifying your actions and explaining yourself to the abuser. Well, that’s exactly what you SHOULDN’T do. Why?
Because that’s their main goal. It’s what THEY want you to do. If you start defending yourself, it means they won and they will know it, too.
Explaining yourself to the abuser for things you didn’t do means that you are acknowledging them.
En otras palabras, significa que han conseguido echarte la culpa a ti y ahora todo el foco de atención está en ti y no en ellos.
Atrayéndote a esta trampa, están drenando tu energía, arruinando tu salud mental y privándote de tu autoestima y confianza.
Cuanto más te explicas, más te destruyes, lo que facilita que te sigan manipulando en el futuro.
Hagas lo que hagas o les digas lo que les digas, un maltratador lo utilizará en tu contra.
There isn’t a single way to prove to them that you are right and they are wrong. Your every word, reaction, and facial expression will be used against you and you will be blamed for it.
We’re talking about an endless chain of self-destruction, a limbo, labyrinth, or whatever you want to call it. So, what should you do?
NOTHING. You shouldn’t fight back, explain yourself, or contradict them. Lo único que debes hacer es alejarte. No matter how hard it is for you to do that, you shouldn’t think twice about it.
Ten en cuenta que no puedes ayudarles y que no puedes demostrarles que están equivocados. Su principal objetivo es culparte siempre por las cosas que hacen.
That means they will not stop doing those things and they will not stop blaming you if you don’t put an end to it and stop being on the receiving end of the abuse.
60 citas sobre el desplazamiento de la culpa
1. “It’s time to care; it’s time to take responsibility; it’s time to lead; it’s time for a change; it’s time to be true to our greatest self; it’s time to stop blaming others.” – Steve Maraboli
2. “Focus on fixing the problem, never focus on the blame. Problems are only resolved when solutions are sought.” – Catherine Pulsifer
3. “Stop the blame game. Stop! Stop looking out the window and look in the mirror!” – Eric Thomas
4. “Blame-shifting is a natural human reaction. It happens on the smallest to the largest scale.” – HG Tudor
5. “An important decision I made was to resist playing the Blame Game. The day I realized that I am in charge of how I will approach problems in my life, that things will turn out better or worse because of me and nobody else, that was the day I knew I would be a happier and healthier person. And that was the day I knew I could truly build a life that matters.” – Steve Goodier
6. “When we assign blame we are pointing the finger to who or what is responsible for a fault or for a wrongdoing. We are trying to make others accountable. Blaming does not solve a problem it usually only makes people defensive.” – Catherine Pulsifer
7. “Blame is fascinating – it shapes our lives. It can be a benign way of positioning ourselves, a gentle joust or banter, or it can be poisonous, hurtful or devastating for its victims. It can tear apart marriages and fracture work relationships; it can disable major social programmes; it can inflict damage on powerful corporations; it can bring down governments; it can start wars and justify genocides.” – Stephen Fineman
8. “Blame is the demonstrated lack of self-respect choosing to deposit one’s negative actions onto others to reinforce one’s view of being good, fair, and approved.” – Byron R. Pulsifer
9. “If you are looking to inspire people then blaming is the last thing you want to do. To inspire others, focus your attention on the solution, not the blame. No good comes from blame, good comes from finding a way to correct the situation.” – Kate Summers
10. “Blame doesn’t empower you. It keeps you stuck in a place you don’t want to be because you don’t want to make the temporary, but painful decision, to be responsible for the outcome of your own life’s happiness.” – Shannon L. Alder
11. “Fruit of passive-aggressive people. These people resist demands by indirect tactics. They will not take responsibility for their own choices; instead, they turn around and blame someone else for making them do it. Or they will agree to do things that they don’t really want to do, and then gripe about the person behind her back.” – Henry Cloud
12. “When you gain real insight into the human universe, you lose the capacity to blame.” – Abhijit Naskar
13. “Wherever you find a problem, you will usually find the finger-pointing of blame. Society is addicted to playing the victim.” – Stephen R. Covey
14. “When you keep blaming others for every mistake you make in life one day you’ll look back and realize you’re the mistake all along.” – Abdulazeez Henry Musa
15. “However, anger usually involves the externalizing of blame. When we become angry, we usually consider the source of our anger to be outside ourselves.” – Raymond A. DiGiuseppe
16. “When discouraged some people will give up, give in or give out far too early. They blame their problems on difficult situations, unreasonable people or their own inabilities. When discouraged other people will push back that first impulse to quit, push down their initial fear, push through feelings of helplessness and push ahead. They’re less likely to find something to blame and more likely to find a way through.” – Steve Goodier
17. “The blame game is a waste of time. Any time you’re busy fixing blame, you’re wasting energy and not fixing the problem.” – Rick Warren
18. “If you feel the need to make someone feel less assured of themselves or have to call another person out, you may gain a false sense of superiority.” – Kristin Michelle Elizabeth
19. “I reckon that blaming people fixes nothing. You’re the only person who is going to sort you out. No-one else really can – or really cares, enough. That’s what Nepalis know – better than anyone. That’s our Western disease. Don’t take responsibility. Take on a lawyer.” – Jane Wilson-Howarth
20. “All too often we have been pulled away from being honest with ourselves and drawn into a game of blaming others for bad situations. Just how crazy has our society become with playing ‘the blame game’.” – Joseph E. McGuire
21. “Until you stop blaming others for your unhappy life and take responsibility for it, your will remain the same. The choice is yours.” – Christine E. Szymanski
22. “Criticism is not a bad thing. It can help you strengthen your marriage, if it is done correctly. But, some wives criticize their partners to have a reason to blame them or to justify their actions. This type of criticism can affect the confidence and trust of your husband towards you.” – Franchesca May
23. “Blaming others is an act of refusing to take responsibility. When a person can’t accept the fact or the reality, they blame another person or the situation instead of taking accountability.” – Dee Dee Artner
24. “All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.” – Wayne Dyer
25. “Stop blaming and start aiming.” – Rob Liano
26. “Blaming is a dead-end street that doesn’t help anyone. But until we risk telling the truth to ourselves about how we really feel, nothing in our lives can change or improve.” – Christiane Northrup
27. “Blaming others is excusing yourself.” – Robin Sharma
28. “It’s always easy to blame someone else or outside forces for our actions… Yet we don’t have the right to blame other people or circumstances for our behavior.” – Joyce Meyer
29. “Guilt can be an unrelenting source of pain. It keeps us stuck in the past and prevents us from moving forward. We might hold a belief that we should feel guilty and condemn ourselves – not once, but over and over. Or, guilt may simmer in our unconscious. Either way, this kind of guilt is insidious and self-destructive and can sabotage our goals and relationships. It lowers our self-esteem and makes us easy targets for blame and manipulation.” – Darlene Lancer
30. “The misattribution of blame is one reason we make the same mistakes over and over again. We learn so little from experience because we often blame the wrong cause.” – Joseph T. Hallinan
Ver también: 9 razones por las que tu novio narcisista siempre te echa la culpa a ti
31. “As a consequence of what we do wrong or what others do wrong to us, blame and criticism will be attributed. Sometimes this blame might seem just but other times it does not. However, no matter how just it might appear, blame never undoes what is done.” – Geof Warren
32. “It’s easy to blame others for your situation. It’s much more productive to search your own past and find what caused your faults.” – Unknown
33. “You’ll never get ahead by blaming your problems on other people.” – Willie Nelson
34. “When people are lame, they love to blame.” – Robert Kiyosaki
35. “Never blame another person for your personal choices – you are still the one who must live out the consequences of your choices.” – Caroline Myss
36. “You made your choices to get where you are now in life, stop blaming others for your misfortune and choose wisely next time.” – Leon Brown
37. “When you blame and criticize others, you are avoiding some truth about yourself.” – Deepak Chopra
38. “When you check your own mind properly, you stop blaming others for your problems.” – Thubten Yeshe
39. “When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” – Robert Anthony
40. “Some people love being victims because they love being able to blame someone else. Accountability is too much for them. They don’t like being responsible for who they have become or where they are in life.” – Unknown
41. “The superior man blames himself. The inferior man blames others.” – Don Shula
42. “Stop blaming other people and circumstances for killing your dreams. The truth is; we tend to talk ourselves out of acting upon our dreams.” – Steve Maraboli
43. “You are responsible for your life. You can’t keep blaming somebody else for your dysfunction. Life is really about moving on.” – Oprah Winfrey
44. “Great leaders don’t rush to blame. They instinctively look for solutions.” – Nina Easton
45. “A bad mood is often the reason for blaming others; but very often blaming others causes bad feelings in us: the more we blame others, the worse we feel.” – Leo Tolstoy
46. “Take charge of your own attitude. Don’t blame anyone else. You control you.” – Unknown
47. “The dream doesn’t lie in victimization or blame; it lies in hard work, determination and a good education.” – Alphonso Jackson
48. “Your life is the fruit of your own doing. You have no one to blame but yourself.” – Joseph Campbell
49. “It’s always easy to blame others. You can spend your entire life blaming the world, but your success and failures are entirely your own responsibility.” – Paulo Coelho
50. “Blame is just a lazy person’s way of making sense of chaos.” – Douglas Coupland
51. “People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, make them.” – George Bernard Shaw
52. “You can either blame everybody else or you can take a look at yourself and determine where you can improve.” – Robert Kiyosaki
53. “You will never become who you want to be if you keep blaming everyone else for who you are now.” – John Spence
54. “Take responsibility for your last bad decision, and then let it go. Don’t blame others or make excuses for yourself.” – Deepak Chopra
55. “A man can fail many times, but he isn’t a failure until he begins to blame somebody else.” – John Burroughs
56. “Fair play is primarily not blaming others for anything that is wrong with us.” – Eric Hoffer
57. “People are afraid, and when people are afraid, when their pie is shrinking, they look for somebody to hate. They look for somebody to blame. And a real leader speaks to anxiety and to fear and allays those fears, assuages anxiety.” – Henry Louis Gates
58. “Life changing repentance begins where blame shifting ends.” – Timothy Keller
59. “It is better for you to take responsibility for your life as it is, instead of blaming others, or circumstances, for your predicament. As your eyes open, you’ll see that your state of health, happiness, and every circumstance of your life has been, in large part, arranged by you – consciously or unconsciously.” – Dan Millman
60. “Don’t try to blame the pain on anyone. Blaming others won’t erase the pain.” – Hyde
Reflexiones finales
If you or someone you know are a victim of blame shifting, keep in mind that it is not how it should be and you deserve to be in a healthy relationship. Here’s one of the best consejos sobre relaciones:
Remember that you should never explain yourself or defend yourself when the abuser attacks you because that’s exactly what they want you to do.
En lugar de eso, tienes que defenderte y alejarte valientemente en silencio (y buscar ayuda profesional si es necesario) porque todo lo que les digas será utilizado en tu contra.
Ver también: 7 formas de protegerse del maltrato emocional
