¿Te mandó un mensaje después de la primera cita pero no desde entonces? Esto es lo que pasa

You both swiped right, talked for a while, then finally went out. The date was fun, there was a mention of the second date, he texted after dropping you off, then – nothing. Not a peep from this dude.

But tell me something: have you texted him? If you haven’t and you like the guy, what are you waiting for? If you have and he hasn’t replied, well, then keep reading.

Why would a guy give you the impression that he’s interested and then ghost you? The reasons might be more unremarkable than you’re hoping for. Here are all the possibilities why he texted after first date but not since.

13 razones por las que envió mensajes de texto después de la primera cita, pero no desde entonces

You had a great date with a guy, and now he’s nowhere to be found – a tale as old as time; or Tinder, if you met online, which you probably did.

He sent a text after you parted ways and you thought it was a good sign that your next date was around the corner, but now you’re wondering why this guy is ghosting you.

If he texted after first date but not since, here’s what’s going on.

1. Tenía expectativas diferentes

Losing interest after a date is more common than you’d think. Before the date, we build a picture of the other person in our minds. Then we face the real deal, realizing reality doesn’t match our expectations – and we’re done.

Probablemente hablaste con este tipo unas cuantas veces antes de salir, y ambos se crearon una imagen de cómo sería la otra persona basándose en esas pocas interacciones. Thinking about this imaginary person – who fit your desires and was just your type – got you excited about the date.

Luego os conocéis en persona, pero el ser humano real nunca puede ser tan bueno como la fantasía. Al día siguiente, la realidad se impone y te das cuenta de que la persona con la que saliste anoche no se parece en nada a la figura idealizada que esperabas.

So here you have the most likely answer to your dilemma. He gave up because he realized after your date that you’re nothing like he imagined, especially if he’s talking to other girls, all of whom he’s building up in his head.

¿Y tú? ¿Te gusta o la idea de él? Do you really like this guy you’ve met once so much that you’re letting his silence eat you up inside? You might only be wondering why he hasn’t texted again because of your bruised ego.

2. Decidió no salir contigo por otra razón

Once he’s had time to sleep on it and think about your date, he might have realized that you said or did something that he considers a red flag or you mentioned something that, to him, is a deal breaker in relationships.

Don’t take this personally. Everyone has their preferences and you can’t influence what someone considers important when it comes to dating. He might have just realized that you’re too incompatible to pursue a relationship.

Por otro lado, ésta podría ser una buena oportunidad para pensar si realmente hiciste algo que él podría haber interpretado razonablemente como una señal de alarma.

Of course, it’s as likely that it has nothing at all to do with you, but it doesn’t hurt to reflexiona sobre tus palabras y acciones from the date. Don’t overanalyze and obsess, but take a moment to think it through.

Sé honesta contigo misma porque si hay algo, puede que también lo estés haciendo con otros chicos, y podría impedirte pasar de la primera cita con otros chicos en el futuro. Si puedes identificar lo que podría haber sido, puedes trabajar en ello y hacer que tu vida amorosa sea más exitosa.

3. He realized he’s not as attracted as he thought

Su comportamiento, su lenguaje corporal y las cosas que decía te dieron la impresión de que las cosas podían ir más allá de una cita, pero luego nada...

Sometimes it takes a while to realize you’re not attracted enough to someone to make an effort. Si se quedó indeciso durante la cita y poco después, le bastó consultarlo con la almohada para tomar una decisión definitiva sobre si le gustas lo suficiente como para seguir adelante.

When someone you’re interested in doesn’t like you back, it can feel like a blow to the pride, but when you accept that it’s perfectly fine if not everyone likes you, it’s easy to get over it. Dating is all about discovering the people you’re most compatible with.

So don’t beat yourself up if the reason why he didn’t follow up is that he realized he was less attracted to you than he thought. Another person’s opinion has nothing to do with you. You don’t depend on anyone else to assure you of your worth because you know how valuable you are. 

Besides, isn’t it better to know before you’ve developed serious feelings?

4. He’s dating someone else or he met someone new

If you’re both just dating and meeting new people, it’s safe to assume that you’re not the only girl he’s dating. (He’s probably not the only guy in your recents, either.)

Sólo tomasteis un par de copas juntos, pero puede que sus otros intereses románticos sean más serios. O disfrutó de vuestra cita, pero luego encontró a otra persona que le interesaba más y se centró en ella.

Este ha sido vuestro primer encuentro, pero quizás él ya ha tenido una tercera cita con otra chica que le gustaba y ella le ha hecho saber que también le gusta. Tal vez le gustas pero ha empezado a salir con otra persona because they’re more compatible.

Si había un cambio que él esperaba en su relación con otra persona, puede que haya decidido no salir contigo por razones que no tienen nada que ver contigo. 

Your best choice in most of these situations is to forget about him and get in touch with another guy you’ve been texting. Quién sabe, quizá tu próxima cita sea con alguien que te guste mucho más.

5. Sólo estaba siendo educado cuando te envió el mensaje.

Si no pensaba volver a invitarte a salir, ¿por qué te mandó un mensaje después de la cita? Puede que sólo fuera educado.

Te envió un mensaje para ver si habías llegado bien a casa o porque creía que era lo más cortés. It might have been a wrong move that got your hopes up for no reason, but maybe he didn’t look at it that way.

Ideally, we’d all always say what we mean and how we feel but of course, life doesn’t work that way. If he had been upfront with you and immediately told you that he wasn’t interested in anything, that would have hurt too.

Lo único que se puede hacer en esta situación es dejarlo pasar y seguir adelante.

6. Su vida está demasiado ocupada

Muchas veces, cuando un tipo te ignora pero le gustas, it’s because he’s too busy. Look at your life and all the things you have going on – work, family, close friends, hobbies, obligations, stress, emergencies. No doubt it’s the same for him.

You might have placed more value on your date than he has or you’re dwelling on it because he didn’t follow up, but either way, look at your date in a larger context. An evening out with someone you’ve only met once can hardly become a priority if your life is hectic and there’s always something going on.

It’s annoying, I know, but instead of racking your brain about why he doesn’t text, focus on the more important things in your own life.

7. Tiene problemas personales

A ton of personal issues affect romantic relationships and the decisions we make about the people we date. For example, maybe he just got out of a relationship and realized he’s not ready to date yet.

He might have mental health issues or poor self-esteem and became discouraged from dating because he’s not feeling good about himself. It’s also possible that he has medical problems that pushed dating into a low spot on his list of priorities.

If he has personal issues, it’s really impossible to know unless he shares them with you. Trying to figure out what’s happening won’t bring you closure but only occupy your time and sap your energy, so it’s best to just let it go.

8. He thinks you’re not interested

Maybe something about your date made him think that you’re not interested and this discouraged him from pursuing anything. If he’s assuming that you won’t accept a segunda cita, he’s not even going to ask you.

Tu aparente falta de interés le está haciendo miedo al rechazo, with good reason, so he’s avoiding contact to spare his feelings.

If he got the wrong impression, you could easily solve this problem by contacting him and giving him a clear sign that you’re interested. It depends on how much time has passed since you’ve last heard from him, but if you don’t think it’s too late, shoot him a text and assess the situation.

If he replies quickly and enthusiastically, then it’s likely that he didn’t text you because he believed you weren’t interested, so now’s your chance to prove him wrong.

9. Estaba esperando a que tomaras la iniciativa

Una de las razones comunes por las que un chico se muestra interesado y luego retrocede es porque espera que tú des el primer paso. Quiere que muestres un interés activo por él en lugar de esperar a que él lo haga todo.

If you’re interested in this guy, then you won’t make things worse if you contact him. Texting him can change things for the better or leave them as they are, so you really have nothing to lose.

It depends on how much time has passed since you’ve last heard from him, but if you don’t think it’s too late, text him. If he replies, talk to him a bit and let him know that you want to spend time with him. Si parece receptivo, usted pregunte a le fuera.

He might say no and you’re right where you started, so no biggie. If he says yes, you have another chance to let him know that you’re interested in him, this time with added eye contact.

10. He doesn’t like talking to you

The dynamic of your text conversations with someone you’re interested in matters more than you’d think. Ask yourself, who initiated most of your conversations? Who was keeping the conversation going?

Lots of girls expect guys to convince them to go out with them, so they don’t even try. If you’re the type who waits for the guy to do everything, then he might be tired of talking to you.

If he’s initiating texting and you expect him to keep them alive, then you make him feel like it’s all up to him. This makes your conversations difficult and exhausting for him, so he doesn’t want to do it anymore.

¿Cómo fue durante la cita? ¿Seguía él llevando la conversación? ¿Hacía preguntas, mostraba interés, iniciaba los temas? Like everyone else, he wants someone who’ll show him they like his company and want to get to know him.

Así que si este es tu caso, aprende de ello para la próxima cita con el siguiente chico, y muestra más interés e iniciativa para hacer que un chico se sienta bien pasando tiempo contigo.

11. Nunca estuvo realmente interesado

Puede que sea un trago difícil de digerir, pero si lo piensas, sabes que estas cosas pasan. You’re talking to someone, and you don’t dislike them, but you also don’t like them enough to date them.

Les mandas un mensaje porque sí y habláis aunque no tengas intención de perseguir nada. Puede que hablen de algo interesante o puede que te aburras, así que sigues hablando con ellos

Entonces acudes a una cita con la esperanza de que surja una chispa, o sin ninguna razón en particular, y, por supuesto, no pasa nada. The date goes okay, but there’s no sudden magic or love at first sight.

You text again out of habit or because you’re not thinking, then immediately regret it because you decide that you don’t have any interest in this person at all.

This might seem cruel when it happens to you, but it’s very common and rarely done with bad intentions. It’s one of those things people do and can’t explain why.

But I bet you didn’t have any deep feelings for him, either.

12. Buscaba validación

Algunos chicos necesitan atención femenina constante to feel good about themselves, so they surround themselves with women who’ll give it to them. They’re never serious about those women and they rarely go beyond dating or casual sex.

Guys like this don’t feel good about themselves and are always looking for external validation, so the only thing he wanted from you was to show him that you’re interested in him. You were just another one in the line of girls he needed to feed his fragile ego.

Si carece de confianza en sí mismo, la atención constante es lo que le da seguridad de su valor. Su necesidad de validación podría ser bandera roja y podrías haber estado tratando con un narcisista, así que si te dejó ir antes de que te vieras arrastrada a sus planes, considérate afortunada.

13. Estaba jugando contigo

You can’t rule out the possibility that he was jugando contigo. Maybe he was hoping for something physical after your date, and when it didn’t come, he lost interest. If you did have sex with him, then he got what he wanted, said goodbye and that’s it.

Los jugadores lo son todo de fiesta con tantas mujeres como sea posible y tener un suministro constante de nuevas chicas para entretenerlos. They move on quickly, no matter what you’re like and how you act. A player will drop you as soon as he realizes that you’re not on the same page or that you are.

Guys like this are best avoided. But even if you don’t spot what he’s like in time, you can still get out of it fairly unscathed if you let it go and don’t dwell. Don’t chase him or try to change him because it has no chance of working.

¿Qué hacer si te mandó un mensaje después de la primera cita pero no desde entonces?

Sigue adelante. Alégrate de que esto ocurriera antes de que invirtieras y de que el daño sea mínimo. You didn’t miss out on your amor verdaderoConfía en mí. De hecho, lo único que resultó herido fue tu ego.

If you still need some comfort, think back to a time when you didn’t even notice that you ghosted a guy because he was just so meh, and meanwhile, he was probably waiting for you to contact him.

I’m not saying that this is what happened here, only that it’s possible to look at things from more than one point of view. Just accept that he wasn’t interested enough and seguir adelante sin remordimientos.

En lugar de eso, piensa en tu cita con él como una velada divertida que no tiene ningún significado en particular, pero que fue una forma agradable de pasar el tiempo.

Chicas y guys flirt when they’re not interestedprometen citas y nunca las cumplen. Sucede en el mundo de las citas modernas. No tiene nada que ver contigo, así que deja de preocuparte.

It doesn’t matter why he isn’t texting. Take care of yourself and live your own life. Déjalo estar y deja de malgastar tu energía preguntándote por qué. Worrying about it is a burden you don’t need because it’s so insignificant.

Para terminar

“I had a great time last night,” he said, and you believed him. You went out, he texted after first date but not since, so what gives? There are several possible reasons why he’s ghosting you, but three are the most likely.

En primer lugar, podría haberse dado cuenta después de la fecha que he wasn’t as interested as he thought because you didn’t click. Next, he decided against dating you because he realized that you’re incompatible. Finalmente, podría ser demasiado ocupado pensar en alguien que conoció una vez. Sea cual sea su razón, tienes que dejarlo pasar. Don’t torture yourself over a guy you went on one date with. Go live your life instead of wondering why some guy’s text is nowhere to be found.