Ha mandato un messaggio dopo il primo appuntamento ma non più? Ecco cosa succede
You both swiped right, talked for a while, then finally went out. The date was fun, there was a mention of the second date, he texted after dropping you off, then – nothing. Not a peep from this dude.
But tell me something: have you texted him? If you haven’t and you like the guy, what are you waiting for? If you have and he hasn’t replied, well, then keep reading.
Why would a guy give you the impression that he’s interested and then ghost you? The reasons might be more unremarkable than you’re hoping for. Here are all the possibilities why he texted after first date but not since.
13 motivi per cui ha mandato un messaggio dopo il primo appuntamento ma non da allora
You had a great date with a guy, and now he’s nowhere to be found – a tale as old as time; or Tinder, if you met online, which you probably did.
He sent a text after you parted ways and you thought it was a good sign that your next date was around the corner, but now you’re wondering why this guy is ghosting you.
If he texted after first date but not since, here’s what’s going on.
1. Aveva aspettative diverse
Losing interest after a date is more common than you’d think. Before the date, we build a picture of the other person in our minds. Then we face the real deal, realizing reality doesn’t match our expectations – and we’re done.
Probabilmente hai parlato con questo ragazzo qualche volta prima di uscire, e entrambi vi siete creati un'immagine di come sarebbe stata l'altra persona sulla base di quelle poche interazioni. Thinking about this imaginary person – who fit your desires and was just your type – got you excited about the date.
Poi ci si incontra di persona, ma l'essere umano reale non potrà mai essere all'altezza della fantasia. Il giorno dopo, la realtà si fa sentire e vi rendete conto che la persona con cui siete usciti ieri sera non è affatto il personaggio idealizzato che speravi di trovare..
So here you have the most likely answer to your dilemma. He gave up because he realized after your date that you’re nothing like he imagined, especially if he’s talking to other girls, all of whom he’s building up in his head.
E voi? Ti piace o l'idea di lui? Do you really like this guy you’ve met once so much that you’re letting his silence eat you up inside? You might only be wondering why he hasn’t texted again because of your bruised ego.
2. Ha deciso di non uscire con voi per un altro motivo
Once he’s had time to sleep on it and think about your date, he might have realized that you said or did something that he considers a red flag or you mentioned something that, to him, is a deal breaker in relationships.
Don’t take this personally. Everyone has their preferences and you can’t influence what someone considers important when it comes to dating. He might have just realized that you’re too incompatible to pursue a relationship.
D'altra parte, questa potrebbe essere una buona occasione per pensare se avete davvero fatto qualcosa che lui avrebbe potuto ragionevolmente interpretare come un campanello d'allarme.
Of course, it’s as likely that it has nothing at all to do with you, but it doesn’t hurt to riflettere sulle proprie parole e azioni from the date. Don’t overanalyze and obsess, but take a moment to think it through.
Siate onesti con voi stessi perché, se c'è qualcosa, potreste farlo anche con altri ragazzi e questo potrebbe impedirvi di andare oltre il primo appuntamento con altri ragazzi in futuro. Se riuscite a individuare cosa potrebbe essere stato, potete lavorarci su e rendere la vostra vita amorosa più riuscita.
3. He realized he’s not as attracted as he thought
Il suo comportamento, il linguaggio del corpo e le cose che diceva ti davano l'impressione che le cose potessero andare oltre un appuntamento, ma poi niente?
Sometimes it takes a while to realize you’re not attracted enough to someone to make an effort. Se era indeciso durante il vostro appuntamento e subito dopo, gli è bastato dormirci su per prendere una decisione definitiva sul fatto che gli piaciate o meno abbastanza da proseguire.
When someone you’re interested in doesn’t like you back, it can feel like a blow to the pride, but when you accept that it’s perfectly fine if not everyone likes you, it’s easy to get over it. Dating is all about discovering the people you’re most compatible with.
So don’t beat yourself up if the reason why he didn’t follow up is that he realized he was less attracted to you than he thought. Another person’s opinion has nothing to do with you. You don’t depend on anyone else to assure you of your worth because you know how valuable you are.
Besides, isn’t it better to know before you’ve developed serious feelings?
4. He’s dating someone else or he met someone new
If you’re both just dating and meeting new people, it’s safe to assume that you’re not the only girl he’s dating. (He’s probably not the only guy in your recents, either.)
Avete solo bevuto un paio di drink insieme, ma forse i suoi altri interessi sentimentali sono più seri. Oppure gli è piaciuto il vostro appuntamento, ma poi ha trovato un'altra persona che gli interessava di più e si è concentrato su quella.
Questo è stato il vostro primo incontro, ma forse lui è già uscito al terzo appuntamento con un'altra ragazza che gli piaceva e lei gli ha fatto sapere che anche lui le piace. Forse lui vi piace ma ha iniziato a frequentare un'altra persona because they’re more compatible.
Se c'è stato un cambiamento che sperava nella sua relazione con un'altra persona, potrebbe aver deciso di non uscire con te per motivi che non hanno nulla a che fare con te.
Your best choice in most of these situations is to forget about him and get in touch with another guy you’ve been texting. Chissà, forse il prossimo appuntamento sarà con qualcuno che vi piacerà molto di più.
5. Era solo educato quando ti ha mandato un messaggio.
Se non aveva intenzione di chiederti di uscire di nuovo, perché ti ha mandato un messaggio dopo il vostro appuntamento? Forse è stato solo educato.
Ti ha mandato un messaggio per sapere se eri tornata a casa sana e salva o perché riteneva che fosse una cosa cortese da fare. It might have been a wrong move that got your hopes up for no reason, but maybe he didn’t look at it that way.
Ideally, we’d all always say what we mean and how we feel but of course, life doesn’t work that way. If he had been upfront with you and immediately told you that he wasn’t interested in anything, that would have hurt too.
L'unica cosa da fare in questa situazione è lasciar perdere e andare avanti.
6. La sua vita è troppo impegnata
Spesso, quando un ragazzo vi ignora ma vi piace, it’s because he’s too busy. Look at your life and all the things you have going on – work, family, close friends, hobbies, obligations, stress, emergencies. No doubt it’s the same for him.
You might have placed more value on your date than he has or you’re dwelling on it because he didn’t follow up, but either way, look at your date in a larger context. An evening out with someone you’ve only met once can hardly become a priority if your life is hectic and there’s always something going on.
It’s annoying, I know, but instead of racking your brain about why he doesn’t text, focus on the more important things in your own life.
7. Ha problemi personali
A ton of personal issues affect romantic relationships and the decisions we make about the people we date. For example, maybe he just got out of a relationship and realized he’s not ready to date yet.
He might have mental health issues or poor self-esteem and became discouraged from dating because he’s not feeling good about himself. It’s also possible that he has medical problems that pushed dating into a low spot on his list of priorities.
If he has personal issues, it’s really impossible to know unless he shares them with you. Trying to figure out what’s happening won’t bring you closure but only occupy your time and sap your energy, so it’s best to just let it go.
8. He thinks you’re not interested
Maybe something about your date made him think that you’re not interested and this discouraged him from pursuing anything. If he’s assuming that you won’t accept a secondo appuntamento, he’s not even going to ask you.
La vostra apparente mancanza di interesse lo sta facendo paura del rifiuto, with good reason, so he’s avoiding contact to spare his feelings.
If he got the wrong impression, you could easily solve this problem by contacting him and giving him a clear sign that you’re interested. It depends on how much time has passed since you’ve last heard from him, but if you don’t think it’s too late, shoot him a text and assess the situation.
If he replies quickly and enthusiastically, then it’s likely that he didn’t text you because he believed you weren’t interested, so now’s your chance to prove him wrong.
9. Stava aspettando che voi prendeste l'iniziativa
Uno dei motivi più comuni per cui un ragazzo fa finta di essere interessato e poi si tira indietro è perché spera che sia lei a fare la prima mossa. Vuole che mostriate un interesse attivo nei suoi confronti, invece di aspettare che sia lui a fare tutto.
If you’re interested in this guy, then you won’t make things worse if you contact him. Texting him can change things for the better or leave them as they are, so you really have nothing to lose.
It depends on how much time has passed since you’ve last heard from him, but if you don’t think it’s too late, text him. If he replies, talk to him a bit and let him know that you want to spend time with him. Se sembra ricettivo, voi chiedere lui fuori.
He might say no and you’re right where you started, so no biggie. If he says yes, you have another chance to let him know that you’re interested in him, this time with added eye contact.
10. He doesn’t like talking to you
The dynamic of your text conversations with someone you’re interested in matters more than you’d think. Ask yourself, who initiated most of your conversations? Who was keeping the conversation going?
Lots of girls expect guys to convince them to go out with them, so they don’t even try. If you’re the type who waits for the guy to do everything, then he might be tired of talking to you.
If he’s initiating texting and you expect him to keep them alive, then you make him feel like it’s all up to him. This makes your conversations difficult and exhausting for him, so he doesn’t want to do it anymore.
Com'era la situazione durante l'appuntamento? Era ancora lui a guidare la conversazione? Faceva domande, mostrava interesse, iniziava a parlare? Like everyone else, he wants someone who’ll show him they like his company and want to get to know him.
Quindi, se questo è il vostro caso, imparate da questo per il prossimo appuntamento con il prossimo ragazzo, e mostrate più interesse e iniziativa per far sì che un ragazzo si senta bene a passare del tempo con voi.
11. Non è mai stato veramente interessato
Potrebbe essere una pillola difficile da ingoiare, ma se ci pensate bene, sapete che cose del genere accadono. You’re talking to someone, and you don’t dislike them, but you also don’t like them enough to date them.
Gli si manda un messaggio solo perché e si parla anche se non si ha alcuna intenzione di perseguire qualcosa. Potrebbero parlare di qualcosa di interessante o potresti essere annoiato, quindi continui a parlare con loro.
Poi si va a un appuntamento sperando che possa scoccare la scintilla, o per nessun motivo particolare, e, naturalmente, non succede nulla. The date goes okay, but there’s no sudden magic or love at first sight.
You text again out of habit or because you’re not thinking, then immediately regret it because you decide that you don’t have any interest in this person at all.
This might seem cruel when it happens to you, but it’s very common and rarely done with bad intentions. It’s one of those things people do and can’t explain why.
But I bet you didn’t have any deep feelings for him, either.
12. Cercava una convalida
Alcuni ragazzi hanno bisogno di attenzioni femminili costanti to feel good about themselves, so they surround themselves with women who’ll give it to them. They’re never serious about those women and they rarely go beyond dating or casual sex.
Guys like this don’t feel good about themselves and are always looking for external validation, so the only thing he wanted from you was to show him that you’re interested in him. You were just another one in the line of girls he needed to feed his fragile ego.
Se non ha fiducia in se stesso, è l'attenzione costante a dargli la certezza del suo valore. Il suo bisogno di convalida potrebbe essere un bandiera rossa e forse avete avuto a che fare con un narcisista, Quindi, se ti ha lasciata andare prima di essere trascinata nei suoi piani, considerati fortunata.
13. Ti stava prendendo in giro
You can’t rule out the possibility that he was giocare con te. Maybe he was hoping for something physical after your date, and when it didn’t come, he lost interest. If you did have sex with him, then he got what he wanted, said goodbye and that’s it.
I giocatori sono tutti festa con il maggior numero possibile di donne e di avere un costante rifornimento di nuove ragazze per intrattenerli. They move on quickly, no matter what you’re like and how you act. A player will drop you as soon as he realizes that you’re not on the same page or that you are.
Guys like this are best avoided. But even if you don’t spot what he’s like in time, you can still get out of it fairly unscathed if you let it go and don’t dwell. Don’t chase him or try to change him because it has no chance of working.
Cosa fare se ha mandato un messaggio dopo il primo appuntamento ma non dopo?
Andate avanti. Siate contenti che sia successo prima che voi foste investiti e che il danno sia minimo. You didn’t miss out on your amore vero, fidatevi di me. In realtà, l'unica cosa che è stata ferita è il suo ego.
If you still need some comfort, think back to a time when you didn’t even notice that you ghosted a guy because he was just so meh, and meanwhile, he was probably waiting for you to contact him.
I’m not saying that this is what happened here, only that it’s possible to look at things from more than one point of view. Just accept that he wasn’t interested enough and andare avanti senza rimpianti.
Pensate invece all'appuntamento con lui come a una serata divertente che non ha un significato particolare, ma che è stata un modo piacevole di passare il tempo.
Ragazze e guys flirt when they’re not interestedpromettere appuntamenti e non darvi seguito. Succede nel mondo degli appuntamenti moderni. Non ha nulla a che fare con te, quindi smetti di preoccuparti.
It doesn’t matter why he isn’t texting. Take care of yourself and live your own life. Lasciate perdere e smettete di sprecare le vostre energie chiedendovi il perché. Worrying about it is a burden you don’t need because it’s so insignificant.
In chiusura
“I had a great time last night,” he said, and you believed him. You went out, he texted after first date but not since, so what gives? There are several possible reasons why he’s ghosting you, but three are the most likely.
In primo luogo, potrebbe aver capito dopo l'appuntamento che he wasn’t as interested as he thought because you didn’t click. Next, he decided against dating you because he realized that you’re incompatible. Infine, potrebbe essere troppo occupato Qualunque sia il motivo, dovete lasciar perdere. Don’t torture yourself over a guy you went on one date with. Go live your life instead of wondering why some guy’s text is nowhere to be found.
