La cruda realidad de romper con un narcisista (¿y cómo afrontarlo?)

Living with a narcissist is painful and exhausting. It’s a situation in which you’ve entangled yourself, and no matter how bad you want out, it’s not that easy to just leave.

But after you’ve hit rock bottom, after you were robbed of your self-esteem and self-love, you realize you have nothing else to lose. He has taken everything from you.

Así que decides marcharte. Decides volver a tomar las riendas de tu vida y hacer con ella lo que te plazca. ¡Bien por ti!

But the battle doesn’t end there, not for you.

This is an exciting time for you. You’ve made a big decision.

You’ve made the right decision. But the road ahead of you is full of bumps. You have to be ready to take them.

Tienes que estar mental y emocionalmente preparado para el proceso de curación que está a punto de producirse.

Breakups are awful, but breaking up with a narcissist is especially hard. You’re going to have mixed feelings, and your mood will change rapidly.

In order to face the changes that are going to happen, it’s better if you know what to expect and what is waiting for you.

Here are some of the things you’re going to experience after breaking up with a narcissist.

Te sientes ansioso

Breaking up with a narcissist doesn’t have a happy end. Either he is going to discard you or you’re going to leave him, but he will keep coming back, using all kinds of táctica del aspirador s para recuperarte.

Either way, it’s not going to be pretty.

You’re not going to be okay. Breakups are bad, especially this one.

You know you won’t get any closure ever, and you get nervous because you know he won’t leave you alone.

You know he will disturb you in some way—it doesn’t even have to include contact.

Esto te vuelve loco y te obliga a vivir ansioso, asustado por lo que va a ocurrir a continuación.

¿Qué hacer?

Make sure that it’s really over. Try to go no contact with him.

If it doesn’t work, just be as unappealing as you possibly can. Even if he is bothering you, once he realizes that you’re no longer interested, he’ll leave you alone.

Una vez que pongas las cosas en su sitio, la ansiedad también disminuirá. Dale tiempo.

Véase también: Cómo hacer que un narcisista te eche de menos: 9 formas secretas

You’re obsessed

You won’t let go that easily. There are a million questions you want to know the answer to.

¿Quieres saber si alguna vez te quiso de verdad? ¿Le importabas aunque fuera un poco? ¿Cómo pudo hacerte esto? ¿Cómo pudo olvidarte tan rápido?

The ghost of your diciest relationship will haunt you because you didn’t get closure and you never will.

You will hang on to the bits of the relationship you have left because you aren’t still at ease with what happened.

¿Qué hacer?

You’ll try to find answers to the questions that are bothering you, but eventually, you’ll let go because you’ll never understand what happened.

You are not a psycho like he is. You can’t understand how his mind works and why he did what he did.

You’re defending him

To be able to accept what has happened to you, you’ll try to rationalize his behavior.

You’ll try to find excuses for the name-calling, for the juegos mentales and the abuse you’ve experienced while you were with him.

You’ll try to give yourself a good enough reason why you stayed with him, and that’s why you’re going to make excuses for his behavior—to make that experience a less painful one.

You’ll come to the point when you start missing him, so you’ll start doing the same thing all over again.

You’ll defend him and think that maybe he wasn’t so bad after all. Don’t fall for this. It’s just your reason, trying to make it hurt a bit less.

¿Qué hacer?

Don’t fall for the tricks your mind plays on you. The truth is, you don’t miss him; you never did.

Fuiste capturado por su hechizo durante tanto tiempo que te acostumbraste al entorno tóxico. Pensaste que era un entorno normal para vivir.

That’s why you crave it. Ignore those feelings, and just remember all the horrible things he has done to you. If you take him back, he will do it again.

You don’t feel the excitement

When you are with a narcissist, you’re used to all the drama happening around you.

Siempre está pasando algo, y ahora que por fin estás en paz, echas algo de menos.

It’s a cruel thing to say, but actually, you miss your narcissist. You don’t miss him for the love or the way he treated you.

You miss him because now that he’s gone, there is no more craziness around you.

It’s all too quiet, and after dating a narcissist this may come as a surprise: You’re not used to having things in order.

¿Qué hacer?

Encuentra algo que hacer. Encuentra un hobby. Encuentra la pasión que falta en tu vida.

Start doing anything that makes you happy, even if it’s the most trivial thing. It’s one step further to actually being happy.

Te sientes solo

What happened to you is not that common. It’s not like a regular breakup.

A lot of people who have just gone through a regular breakup can relate to each other, but there aren’t a lot of people who’ve escaped narcissistic claws, so you don’t have a lot of people to relate to.

That makes you lonely like you’re the only one out there. That makes you ask questions such as: Why me? But, you’re not alone.

There are so many people around you who’ve been through the same as you and are quiet, the same as you.

¿Qué hacer?

Join support groups, and talk about your problem. Don’t keep things to yourself because you’ll crack open.

You can’t keep those emotions inside and deal with them alone.

Habla con tus amigos o con grupos de apoyo, quizá con un terapeuta. Sea lo que sea, elige algo porque necesitas apoyo ahora mismo.

Tienes dudas

You were gaslighted in your relationship with a narcissist. You were told you’re crazy; you’re making things up.

Te han dicho que exageras y que eres la causa de todos los problemas, incluso la razón principal por la que la relación se vino abajo.

Por eso, cuando te encuentras en momentos de soledad, te pones a pensar. Dudas de ti mismo. Empiezas a pensar que tal vez tu narcisista tenía razón.

Maybe you really overreacted to some things. Maybe you should have been more understanding. Maybe it’s your fault you broke up.

¿Qué hacer?

Can’t you see? He is still manipulating you in your mind even though you broke up. This is just the result of all the abuse and mind games you’ve been through.

La mentalidad que sembró en ti sigue pataleando de vez en cuando, y te alimenta los pensamientos ridículos que rondan por tu cabeza.

Te avergüenzas

Ahora que por fin ves con claridad lo terrible que era, ahora que ves todas las cosas horribles que te hizo, te sientes avergonzada por no haberlo dejado antes.

You feel like a fool because you didn’t leave a long time ago, but no one who was in your situation left right away.

Todos pensamos que podemos ayudar a alguien, que podemos cambiar a la persona porque en el fondo de nuestro corazón creemos que hay algo bueno en todos.

Por desgracia, no ocurre lo mismo con las personas que padecen un trastorno de la personalidad. No pueden curarse.

They cannot be convinced to do anything different than what they’ve imagined.

¿Qué hacer?

Just let go. It’s not your fault. His manipulations were designed to completely obliviate you.

Su objetivo era hacer que su víctima permaneciera el mayor tiempo posible con la impresión de que las cosas iban a mejorar.

You’re angry

Después de algún tiempo, la tristeza y el sufrimiento empiezan a desvanecerse, y todo se convierte en resentimiento y odio. Canalizas tu dolor en odio.

You couldn’t do this while you were in a relationship, so you’re doing it now when you’re finally free to think by yourself and act the way you feel.

¿Qué hacer?

Be angry. Let it all out because you will feel better. After some time, you’ll realize that hatred is not going to get you anywhere, and you’ll calm down.

Sólo ten mucho cuidado de no buscar venganza.

Tienes que saber que no hay manera de vencer a un narcisista. La única manera de herir a un hombre narcisista es cortarle el suministro.

Ignóralo por completo y no estés disponible.

Just don’t do something stupid in the attempt to hurt him because he will use it against you, and you’ll end up being the hurt one.