Estos mitos sobre las relaciones son la razón por la que esperas lo imposible

Si has visto demasiadas comedias románticas, es posible que tus expectativas de relación sean surrealista. But I’m just a romantic person – you’ll say in your defense. I’m not saying you should stop enjoying your favorite movie genre, but be aware – la vida no son bombones y flores.

Un par de veces estaba tan desesperado porque my boyfriend’s personality or looks didn’t match my desired qualities checklist. Some of them were too short, some were not interested in my tirades about astrology, others were not holding my hands the way I liked…

A decir verdad mi lista era larga, nadie era tan perfecto.

Créeme, el Unas expectativas elevadas le harán sentirse tan frustrado que puede volverse tóxico. Not that you’ll want to, of course, it’s just the way it goes. So make sure you don’t forget you’re dating a human, not a movie character. 

1. “He’s a man so HE must make a first move”

We’re not living in the Middle Ages gurl! It doesn’t matter who makes the first move as long you find things in common y seguir chateando o enviando mensajes. Igualdad de derechos, ¿recuerdas? Como mujer moderna y feroz, tienes derecho a dar el primer paso.

A couple of times I made the first move and I’m glad I did, otherwise I would miss out on some great guys.

2. “That could never happen to me”

Nunca digas nunca, la vida está llena de sorpresas, y prepárate para enfrentarte a distintos obstáculos en tu camino. Si crees que you’d never let him see you crying even when you feel so broken inside, it can happen. That’s normal, that’s life.

I said I could never be with someone who doesn’t like dogs and guess what happened?

3. “I will make him jealous so he’ll crave for me”

Oh, don’t play the nasty games! He might be traumatized by pathological jealousy in the previous relationship so much that he’ll avoid showing even the slightest clue of the jealousy. Besides, he might see through your intentions and that’ll just push him away.

Créeme, lo aprendí por las malas.

4. “Chemistry must be very strong otherwise it’s not a real thing”

It’s just a good starting point, but your relationship can’t be based simply on chemistry. If you don’t share the same views and can’t openly talk to each other, girl, you’re not in a proper relationship. It might be just a hook-up.

I mistook chemistry for love several times and it didn’t work out well. 

5. “He must take care of me”

¿Cuidar de ti? You’re not a pet, woman! You can take care and provide for yourself, this is the 21st century. You need a partner, someone to share your life with. Don’t rely on his income!

I prefer to be independent and self-sufficient. That way, if we ever break up, at least I’m safe from being financially broken.

6. “He must be tall, handsome, and successful”

¿Así que buscas al Sr. Perfecto? ¿Estás seguro de que su altura, su aspecto y su éxito pueden hacerte feliz? Puede tener un aspecto despampanante y una carrera impresionante, pero al mismo tiempo ser un completo imbécil por dentro.

I’ve dated Mr. Perfect and believe me, under the surface he wasn’t that perfect at all.

7. “It’s just one of his flaws, no one is perfect”

Presta atención si notas signos de patología en su comportamiento. Esto también se aplica a las adicciones. Una cosa son los defectos y otra los problemas graves. So try not to be too “open-minded” and tolerant.

Una vez intenté justificar que había bebido demasiado esa noche, suponiendo que había tenido un mal día en el trabajo. Tardé en darme cuenta de que tenía un problema con la bebida.

8. “I will change him”

He’s a grown man and no, you can’t change him. You can talk about some of his actions and make him realize how they affect you, so he will or won’t adjust them. If you can’t live with his habits or awkward traits, move on, he’s not for you. 

Recuerdo cuando creía que podía hacer que mi novio dejara de comer comida basura, vaya si era ingenua. Esperaba a que me durmiera y se preparaba un jugoso sándwich.

Don’t waste your time. You’ll thank me later.

9. “I will not let him change me”

Of course not, and you shouldn’t. Mantente fiel a quien eras antes de conocerle. However, small adjustments are necessary, you’ll expect the same from him.

I stopped partying every weekend because I wanted to spend time with my man. Surely, I didn’t give up on time with my besties, it was just not as often as before. 

10. “Half a loaf is better than none”

Don’t settle for mediocre options just to avoid being single. Estar con alguien hasta la próxima oportunidad mejor no es agradable (or mature). You can hurt someone who might be genuinely interested in you, and you won’t feel good either.

Every time I tried to go on a date with someone I didn’t really like, I would end up in anguish.

11. “If this doesn’t work, I’ll find a new boyfriend”

People are not shoes. So it’s not like “These won’t fit so I’ll get myself a new ones.” Hay una razón por la que elegiste salir con él. He might have a unique personality or a very good sense of humor, he’s nice to your friendsetc.

I was delusional when I thought I’d easily replace him with the next man behind the corner. Another man was just… very different.

12. “He treats me badly but helps me with the money”

Esto significa que te has hecho dependiente de él y que harás la vista gorda. En primer lugar, trata de ver el panorama general, Despréndete de todos sus favores y comprueba si se comporta de forma poco saludable. 

Is he prone to abusive behavior? If your answer is yes, I have only one piece of advice: run girl, and don’t look back.

13. “I hate rugby”

Tienes derecho a odiar el rugby, pero también intenta imaginar cómo te sentirías si te escupiera: “Natal chart is just a bunch of nonsense”. You would feel insulted, wouldn’t you? So my dear, asegúrate de mostrar comprensión por su gran afición al rugby. 

I watched the game with my SO a few times, and I kind of liked it. Try it, maybe you’ll change your mind too. At least, be supportive of his interests. You expect the same from him, right?

14. “The past stays in the past”

Not necessarily. If you have some unresolved issues with your ex-boyfriend or still have feelings for him, that will influence your present relationship. You may look for substitution and it usually doesn’t work well.

Intenta dejar atrás el pasado y céntrate en el presente con él. The man I’m currently seeing is different from anyone I’ve dated before, and I really enjoy getting to know him. I don’t compare him to my exes. 

Don’t allow shadows of the past to blur your view, use your “present eyes” to look at him. Trust me it’s the best thing to do.

15. “I’ll be a spoiled princess and he will do what I want”

Algunos hombres lo harán, tal vez. Otros simplemente huirán de ti. ¿Quién quiere salir con una mocosa malcriada? ¿Lo harías?

So be an adult and don’t play childish games. Learn to communicate your needs and try to explain your views well. It always surprises me how a simple open talk can be so effective.

16. “Things will get better if we have a baby”

¡No, no, no! Intentar arreglar vuestra relación quedándote embarazada de él es una muy mala IDEA. Not to say it’s a bit selfish.

Ese pequeño bebé merece nacer en una familia sana y no ser una herramienta que te ayude a reparar los defectos de tu relación.

Yo mismo me crié en un entorno cálido y solidario, Siempre aconsejo a mis amigos que tengan mucho cuidado con quién eligen para formar una familia. Don’t rush, wait for the right person!

17. “We never argue, our relationship is perfect”

La falta de acuerdo no es normal y suele esconder problemas más profundos que podrían no ser obvios. Tal vez uno de los dos tiene miedo de los conflictos y tiende a evitarlos. It doesn’t mean you two are the perfect match, you’re maybe just acting like everything is fine.

My sister got married way too fast, after dating John for only two months. They were that kind of “we don’t argue” couple and it ended up with a very ugly divorce.

I can’t imagine myself in a relationship without the occasional fights. I looove that makeup allure.

18. “Men and women can’t be friends! There’s always a hidden agenda”

Again I’ll remind you we live in the 21st century and esa creencia es sencillamente anticuada, por no decir otra cosa.

I had male friends in school and college, and I have work buddies. If he thinks they secretly desire me, he just might be a toxic person. That’s what Mark, my ex, used to think. See why he’s my ex?

19. “He needs to devote all his time to me”

Get real, you’re not the Siamese twins. His zone of interest goes way beyond you. He has friends, hobbies, and a family. Si mi novio prefiere pasar todo su tiempo libre conmigo, me preocuparía.

Las personas que no tienen amigos o que mantienen una mala relación con la familia no son un buen material para una cita.

20. “He has to be there for me every time I need him”

Supongo que te lo imaginas como si silbaras y él viniera corriendo. ¿Quieres un hombre o un perro? Este tipo de expectativa es un gran repelente de hombres.

¿Podrías amar de verdad a alguien que no tiene dignidad ni respeto por sí mismo?

I’ll appreciate it if he’s there to wipe away my tears when my dog dies, but if he’s busy, it’s fine. I have friends too. It’s the same the other way around – we can’t be there for each other 24/7, and that’s fine.

Did you recognize yourself in any of these relationship myths? If you did, it’s time to reconsider your views and ground yourself. Healthy relationships are based on respect, support, and open talk. If you want your relationship to succeed, no manipulative games, pretty please!