Comprender los traumas y desencadenantes de su pareja es un lenguaje amoroso

Durante mucho tiempo, estuve convencida de que mi relación anterior había fracasado porque mi ex y yo habíamos diferentes lenguajes del amor.

You see, love languages are a big deal in each romantic relationship. I’m sure you know them all: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Contacto físico.

Para abreviar, después de mucho analizar, me di cuenta de que su lenguaje amoroso era el contacto físico.

Este hombre no tenía expresiones verbales de amor en absoluto. De hecho, la única forma en que era capaz de mostrar afecto era con la ayuda del tacto íntimo.

What’s wrong with that? Well, for an insecure girl like me, this brings a bunch of doubts to the table.

¿Este hombre sólo me está utilizando? ¿Su único objetivo es meterse en mis pantalones? ¿Cómo es que nunca me dice que me ama?

Éstas eran todas las preguntas que me rondaban por la cabeza. Antes incluso de conocer el concepto de los lenguajes del amor, estas preguntas me comían viva.

Verás, I wasn’t aware of the fact that different people express love in different ways. So, I spent most of my relationship feeling emotionally neglected and questioning my ex’s feelings.

Todos los expertos que hay por ahí enseñan la importancia de conocer su significant other’s love language. Esta valiosa información le ofrece una visión increíble de toda su personalidad.

Not only that: it also gives you a chance for healthier communication. When you are familiar with a man’s love language, you immediately open the doors to his heart and mind.

Aprendes formas de acercarte a ellos y satisfacer sus necesidades emocionales.

Even though I’m not saying that the theory of the five love languages isn’t as important as the experts are saying, but there is another thing you must pay attention to if you want a healthy relationship and a happy love life.

I’m talking about your partner’s deeply rooted traumas and triggers. I’m talking about his heartbreaks and mental health conditions.

I’m talking about his emotional wounds that later turned into scars.

¿Por qué se convirtió en la persona que es hoy? ¿Qué le convirtió en este hombre emocionalmente roto que es incapaz de decir tres simples palabras?

Naturally, it goes both ways – or at least, it should. You can’t love a woman who’s been through hell and back the same way you’d love a girl who’s never experienced the pain of heartbreak.

As a mature man, you have to be brave enough to dig under her layers and find what’s hidden deep inside of her.

It doesn’t matter if your partner was in an abusive relationship, wasted years on a narcissistic manipulator, or can’t get over a painful childhood – they are a trauma survivor.

They are struggling with issues you know nothing about, and it’s your job to help them along the way.

And when you love a trauma survivor – you have to make your relationship feel like home for them. You have to shower them with love and security.

This is what they need, even though they’ll probably never ask for it. Trust me: sólo cuando lo hagáis estaréis verdaderamente unidos el uno al otro.

Only when you see each other’s vulnerabilities exposed will you be sure that you’ve gained your partner’s trust, despite everything they’ve been through in the past.

Don’t get me wrong: it’s not your responsibility to fix people. You’re not a rehabilitation center for damaged men.

So, if you don’t want to deal with someone’s traumas and triggers, that’s perfectly okay. Just be honest with yourself and him and walk away in time before they get used to your presence.

Pero Cuando realmente decides acoger a otra persona en tu vida, te guste o no, viene con una carga emocional. They won’t bring only laughter and happiness along.

When you love someone, you also have to love the traumatized child in them. You’re there to help them heal their old wounds, even those they think they’ve forgotten about.

Cuando amas a alguien, tienes que aceptar también sus demonios.

You have to embrace their darkness and help them see the light at the end of the tunnel. And that’s the most important lenguaje del amor de todos ellos.