Stonewalling: El método de tratamiento silencioso de un narcisista perfecto

Stonewalling is not the same as the silent treatment, but they go hand in hand. Where there is one, there is the other. The silent treatment is usually very common in every person’s life.

You’ve seen it in your family, and you’ve had it with your friends. Usually, it’s not that destructive, and people use it when they are angry about something.

But giving the silent treatment doesn’t last forever, and in the end, the person who is angry gives in and decides to talk the problem through. Which brings us to the term “stonewalling’.

¿Qué es la obstrucción?

It’s the same as the silent treatment, but if it’s used by a toxic person, then it’s called stonewalling.

La ligera, pero a la vez enorme, diferencia es que la persona que te está dando largas te está dando la callada por respuesta a propósito.

They are doing it just to hurt and manipulate you. They are not ignoring you because they are angry, and you’ve hurt their feelings. Stonewalling is just another method narcissists use to destroy their victims.

¿Cómo baja?

When you need to talk about something, a narcissist won’t shut you down and ignore you completely, but they will avoid giving you the answer to your question.

Se meterán en tu cabeza dándote respuestas vagas e invalidantes.

This is terribly dangerous for any relationship. Even if it’s not toxic, after some time, it will definitely grow toxic.

Cuando uno de los interlocutores no está interesado en mantener una conversación, el otro, que hace las preguntas, se frustra y exige las respuestas.

Ahora bien, los narcisistas hacen esto a propósito porque el resultado final de esta situación es una ansiedad y depresión crecientes que se presentan en la mente de la pareja que necesita respuestas pero no las está obteniendo.

That partner has the feeling that they are being played and manipulated, but they can’t do anything about it.

En ese sentido, los narcisistas son brillantes. Pueden dejar en ridículo a casi todo el mundo.

Stonewalling en acción

Let’s say that you’re sentirse abandonado por su pareja. Así que, naturalmente, quieres hablar con él de ello. Quieres enfrentarte a él e intentar averiguar cuál es el problema.

But all you’re getting in return is dead silence followed by the statement that you’re making a big deal out of it.

He’ll convince you that you’re making a big fuss out of nothing. His tactic is to gaslight you and make you believe in lies which work in his favor.

This upsets you, and you foolishly fall into his trap and try to explain yourself, but he doesn’t want to hear it, so he rejects you.

You feel sad and upset at the same time because you were tricked into thinking that you did something wrong, but you didn’t.

Usually, he leaves the house at this point on purpose to add some guilt to the guilt you’re already feeling.

Pero la trampa en su táctica de lavado de cerebro es el comportamiento que presenta el día después. Actúa como si no hubiera pasado nada.

He acts like you’re the happiest couple alive. If you bring up the subject again, he coldly answers that you have problems which you need to deal with yourself.

¿Qué ha pasado aquí?

Te ha dado largas. Interrumpió la conversación antes de que tuviera lugar.

Hizo caso omiso de tus sentimientos y redirigió la conversación en la dirección que le convenía.

Con sus acciones, te hizo sentir tensa y traumatizada. En una relación normal, esto podría haber acabado de otra manera. Podríais haber resuelto el problema si él hubiera accedido a hablar de ello.

¿Por qué los narcisistas utilizan la evasión y el silencio?

Ignorar a un narcisista is a very hard thing to do. Their manipulative tactics don’t leave you any choice but to react to their provocations.

That is actually their main goal—to get a reaction out of you, preferably a negative one, so they can feed their egos and feel good about themselves.

La evasión y el silencio son sus métodos de manipulación favoritos cuando quieren castigarte por algo.

You haven’t been acting the way they wanted you to. Maybe you’ve come to your senses and sobered up for a moment.

That scared them. They get scared that if you realize you deserve so much better, you’ll leave them, thus endangering the source of their narcissistic supply. You won’t give them what they need to keep on going.

Así que necesitan castigarte y destruirte emocionalmente para mantenerte en tu sitio.

Their purpose is to diminish you and regain their control over you. They want to know what you’re doing and why.

They want to make you invisible. They want you to feel insignificant, as if it doesn’t make any difference if you live or die.

They are playing with your mind to get your confidence very low, so you’re easily controlled.

What happens next is that you don’t want to be invisible. You’re fighting it, so you come back to them and ask for their approval and attention.

You ask to be visible once again. That was their plan all along—to destroy you by stonewalling and make you beg him to notice you once again. That’s when you’re easily controlled, and that’s when he has restored his peace.

¿Cuándo utilizan los narcisistas la evasión y el silencio?

1. Después de una ruptura

If you’ve ever wondered cómo acabar con un narcisista, just follow their lead, see what they do, and you’ll be perfectly fine.

After a breakup, it is extremely hard to go ‘no contact’ with the person you’ve been with.

Esto es especialmente cierto si estuvieron juntos mucho tiempo o si estuvieron casados y tienen hijos.

La cuestión es que sacar a alguien de tu vida no es fácil.

Pero cuando hablamos de narcisistas y sus víctimas, cortar el contacto es extremadamente duro para las víctimas.

They have been dependent on the narcissists for so long that they don’t know how to live their lives without the narcissists in it.

So, they want to go back to something that’s known to them. This is when the narcissist makes his move and shuts you down.

Te ignoran a ti y a tus llamadas por completo, haciendo que ansíes su atención.

Por lo general, el narcisista regresa como un héroe, demostrando que su versión de la historia fue correcta todo el tiempo, poniéndote en una posición ingrata. Ahora puede controlarte incluso más que antes.

2. Todos los días

Cuando una reserva narcisista se agota, los narcisistas se sienten amenazados. Se sienten vulnerables y tienen miedo de que alguien les haga daño.

When we’re talking about empathy for others, they have none, but for themselves they have plenty.

Cuando sientan una herida narcisista, te darán el tratamiento del silencio para herirte por cortarles el suministro.

You’ll have no idea what is going on. You’ll ask him dozens of questions, and you’ll get short, vague answers which still won’t give a real answer to your question.

This leads you to think it’s your fault and that you did something wrong.

Your insecurities will kick in, and if you show any kind of reaction to his stonewalling, you’re done.

He’ll pin you to the corner and release his anger. He’ll guilt trip you and basically make you feel like you’re small and insignificant.

Quiere que poco a poco te desmorones emocionalmente y dependas sólo de él.

He’ll give you the silent treatment and leave the house. Then, you’ll try to call, and he won’t answer, and in the eyes of other people, you are the bad guy.

You’re the controlling bitch that won’t leave him alone. You’re the one who calls him nonstop and yells about ‘unimportant’ stuff.

3. Cuando más lo necesitas

Cuando te pase algo, cuando más necesites su apoyo, será frío como el hielo.

Un narcisista te ignorará and shut you out of his life completely. You’re going through hell and you need someone by your side, but he pulls away.

If you try to talk to him about it, he pulls away even further. He is even more distant from you than ever. He won’t stay quiet for long.

He’ll break and blame you for neglecting him. He’ll attack you for being depressed about something and not being able to see how he feels. He will put himself first.

And the truth is, he is hurt, but not because you’re sad—because you’re not providing him with the narcissistic supply he needs. You’re not giving him enough attention.

Así que necesitan una reacción por tu parte y te ponen trabas para conseguir un nuevo suministro narcisista.

Relacionado: 18 señales de advertencia de un novio controlador

Consecuencias psicológicas de la obstrucción y el tratamiento silencioso

Se ha demostrado científicamente que el daño emocional puede provocar dolor físico real.

After the constant emotional neglect and trauma a narcissist’s victim goes through, they begin to feel sick. Their emotional injuries have manifested into physical ones.

Stonewalling can happen even in normal relationships, but when it’s chronic, when it lasts a long time, only then it can damage you.

El tratamiento silencioso en las relaciones habituales puede incluso dar lugar a que una relación cambie a mejor.

Cuando los miembros de la pareja necesitan un descanso el uno del otro, se someten al tratamiento del silencio, pero al cabo de un tiempo hablan y resuelven sus problemas.

Pero la evasión en las relaciones tóxicas sólo se utiliza como una forma de prolongar el abuso y provocar un intenso dolor emocional.

¿Qué hacer si eres víctima de un bloqueo?

It’s not your fault! Don’t feel guilty; don’t choose your words carefully because you’re scared you’re going to say something that’ll trigger him.

Stop walking on eggshells around your toxic partner. Stop trying to help him because it’s all a trap.

He’s luring you in to give him enough narcissistic supply. He’s sucking you dry by provoking reactions, and he will never change.

More importantly, he doesn’t want to change. His communication with you is stuck on a toxic level because he wants it that way.

Quiere que reacciones. Quiere que te sientas emocionalmente agotado. Sus acciones están cuidadosamente diseñadas para disminuirte, para hacer... te sientes inútil.

Instead of trying hard to make him notice you (which is exactly what he wants), reconsider if the relationship you’re in is really worth saving.

¿Cuántas veces te ha pasado esto? ¿Cuántas veces te ha bloqueado de su vida y te ha engañado para que vuelvas arrastrándote, mendigando su atención?

Ocurre una y otra vez cuando él quiere.

¿Cómo puedes curarte?

Tienes que aprovechar el tiempo de silencio y utilizarlo para curarte. Piensa solo en ti y en lo que necesitas.

Céntrate en mejorar tú y no en hacerle feliz a él. La única manera de hacerlo es desprendiéndote de verdad de un narcisista.

You can’t decide when to do it, but you’ll know when the time is right.

That will be the hardest decision you’ve ever made in your life. Going no tener contacto con un narcisista será un proceso insoportablemente doloroso y largo.

You’ll want to go back. You’ll feel that you need him. After that much emotional abuse, neglect, confusion and a feeling of being worthless, it takes guts to find the courage and strength to pick yourself up and preserve your common sense.

Know that when you leave, it’s not over. A narcissist will trying to get you back using tácticas de limpieza.

You won’t be prepared for every trick he pulls out of his sleeve. But, the most important thing is never to let him get into your head.

Recuerda que mereces que se cubran tus necesidades y que se escuche tu voz.