La idea de volver a enamorarse da mucho miedo

It’s not easy, you know?

It’s like going back to the roots, into the darkness, where everything reminds you of the pain and misery you’ve been through.

Falling in love again is like a grand quest and I don’t like it. I’m scared.

I’m afraid that everything will repeat itself and I am not ready for that.

I know that I am exaggerating, I know that my fear doesn’t make sense most of the time, but I can’t go against myself when I know what I’ve experienced.

Sé que mi corazón está protegido y que los muros son demasiado altos y gruesos para que nadie los rompa, nunca más. Mi corazón ha aprendido la lección. Yo también.

El amor suena tan mágico y maravilloso. Estar enamorado es como saber que eres capaz de llevar tu corazón en la manga y no tener miedo de nada, porque eres lo suficientemente valiente.

Ya he pasado por eso.

Today, love just sounds like heartache and it’s all because of you.

The way your eyes sparkled every time you would tell me that you loved me and the way you smiled when I was crying, those two things didn’t go well together, because I never knew what to think of you, what to think of us.

Pensaba que el amor debía doler a veces, que necesitaba muchos cuidados y atención. Pensaba que para que me quisieras, tenía que demostrarte lo que valgo.

Necesitaba mostrarte que estaba digno de tu amor.

When it started to physically hurt, I saw that something was wrong. I saw that no matter what I did, ‘love’ never felt right.

‘Love’ hurt me and ‘love’ destroyed my heart.

Amé tan genuinamente y tan descuidadamente. Te amé sin ver lo malo que eras para mí y por tu culpa, tengo miedo de volver a amar.

I am scared to fall in love, so that man who’s trying so hard and is giving me all of his affection doesn’t stand a chance of entering my heart.

I am guarded to the point where I myself can’t find my heart in this hurricane of emotions.

Simplemente estoy agotada de caer y que nunca me coja la persona que espero que esté a mi lado y me trate como creo que merezco ser tratada.

Estoy agotada de esperar tanto y nunca recibir lo que merezco. Estoy agotado de mi miedo a ser defraudado por enésima vez, sólo porque I loved ‘too much’.

Me pesa el pecho, pero él sigue ahí, aligerándolo un poco.

It’s like knowing that there is a cure for all of your problems, but you refuse to take it, because you have mistaken poison for a cure this entire time and you simply don’t trust your gut anymore.

So here I am now, looking at the person in the mirror who’s so frightened to love, asking her if there is anything I can do for her to make it feel better, to make it hurt less.

But she’s blankly looking at me because she has been drained of her energy. But she will be alright. I will be alright.

I will learn to live with my disappointments because sometimes that’s the way you learn your worth.

I will be fine, but I do need time to heal; that’s crucial. I can’t fix myself overnight and I’m not even trying to.

The world tries to force me to hurry up, but I don’t care.

My heart is fragile and I don’t want it to break again. That’s why I will keep it safe in my chest for a while longer.