Por qué los hombres necesitan espacio en una relación y cómo afrontarlo

When your significant other says he needs some space, or he starts to distance himself to make some, you dread the worst. You fear that “space” means he’s had enough of your relationship and wants out. You fear that all he wants is romper contigo.

Pero a veces la única razón por la que los hombres necesitan espacio en una relación y por la que los hombres se alejan en primer lugar es que necesitan una oportunidad para hacer algo de espacio para sí mismos sin dejar de estar con otra persona.

That’s perfectly normal. Two people in a relationship need to hold on to their individuality and their own life that they have outside of the relationship, not only the one they’re creating together.

It may sound abstract, but granting space and freedom – aka spending time apart in a relationship – pulls you closer.

El inconveniente de necesitar espacio es que los hombres y las mujeres lo perciben de forma diferente.

Women have a hard time accepting it and that’s why when men say they need space. On the other hand, women assume the worst and go into this state of confusion and sadness, while the men had no intention of making them feel that way.

To make things a bit more clear, let’s look at the possible reasons why men say they need space.

Not only that: here are also the ways to deal with it- successful ways that will increase your chances of saving your relationship and creating an even firmer bond. So, let’s get started!

¿Por qué los hombres piden espacio en una relación?

Hay más de una razón por la que los hombres necesitan espacio. Algunos lo piden porque lo necesitan para resolver cosas, algunos son evasivos que tienen miedo de encariñarse demasiado, mientras que en algunos casos, su comportamiento necesitado es la razón.

Either way, the most important thing for you to understand is that this is perfectly normal. Just because your partner wants some time and space for himself- it doesn’t mean he wants out of the relationship.

It’s natural that we all want some privacy and that’s all he’s asking for. But let’s check every possible reason why guys need space, to make things a bit clearer for everyone out there wondering.

Aferramiento

Algunas mujeres se vuelven pegajosas without even being aware of it. It’s like a natural reflex.

This kind of behavior is nothing uncommon. It’s natural for you to be as close as possible to your loved ones.

You feel for this guy and now you want to spend every second of your free time with him. You just can’t get enough of him and you’re not realizing that you’re actually suffocating him.

O su aferramiento fuentes de nuevo a tus inseguridades. Esto también lo hacen muchas mujeres.

When a relationship starts feeling a bit more serious, they hold onto their partner more tightly because they’re scared of things not working out.

Así que, sin querer, asfixian la relación obsesionándose y analizando en exceso cada situación, insistiendo en estar en contacto permanente (sobre todo a través de mensajes de texto), pasando todo el tiempo humanamente posible con su pareja y sin dejarle espacio para respirar.

Lamentablemente, en la mayoría de los casos, obtienen el resultado contrario: acaban ahuyentando al tipo. If you are guilty of this, let me tell you a little secret: your man will get tired of you if you’re available 24/7.

Besides, the harsh truth could be that he feels trapped and caged. Without even being aware of that, you’re taking away his freedom.

You’re trying to wipe off the life he had before you- like his only role in life is to be your boyfriend.

Sé que es una píldora difícil de tragar, pero si te preguntas por qué los hombres necesitan espacio, tu aferramiento podría ser la respuesta.

¿Qué hacer al respecto?

Lo más importante aquí es ser capaz de admitir ante uno mismo que eres pegajoso y ver qué puede hacer para superarlo. Tus temores son probablemente infundados y no hay necesidad de ejercer ese tipo de presión sobre tu pareja.

Así que si este es el caso y él dice que necesita espacio, concédele ese espacio.

Ocupa tu mente en ti misma, trabaja en algo que te apasione. Céntrate en tus propias necesidades y en tu propio bienestar en lugar de obsesionarte solo con él.

Create; discover; don’t let your feelings and fears be what ruins your relationship. Because if space is really the only thing he needs, your relationship will prosper – there’s no doubt about it.

Además, esto dale la oportunidad de echarte de menos. You’ll show him that you’re perfectly fine without him and that will make him realize he can lose you any time.

Las cosas van demasiado deprisa

La principal razón por la que un hombre teme comprometerse es que cree que si las cosas van más en serio, perderá su libertad.

They all have that one friend or a few of them who “stopped being themselves” after being in a committed relationship – they never have time to hang out, they don’t do things they like, and their girlfriend calls every few minutes to check-in.

He doesn’t want to share their fate, so se aleja y busca un poco de espacio.

¿Qué hacer al respecto?

The worst thing to do here is to not grant him that space. In that case, you’ll just show him that his fears are reasonable.

Do the opposite. Show him that you won’t do anything to cancel his independence.

Anímale a salir con sus amigos, apóyale cuando tenga un nuevo objetivo, dale algo de tiempo para él when he asks, don’t text him often.

Confía en él. Si le das espacio, vendrá a ti a su debido tiempo; sólo necesita sentirse libre para hacer las cosas que le gustan.

Comprender a los hombres es pensar en lo que quieren y necesitan.

Y lo que quieren y necesitan es un espacio emocional que les ayude a lidiar con sus sentimientos y con cualquier problema que puedan estar atravesando al final del día.

And if you don’t make sure to give your man that, he’ll pull back. And when a man pulls back, it means hiding in his “man cave” and ignorar todos tus mensajes de texto y todo eso.

Now, I know it’s hard to stay indifferent to your feelings and I know it might sound counterintuitive to you, but it’s of crucial importance that you stop holding him back and rather start encouraging him to be himself. Remember that he needs space!

He has to feel that a relationship doesn’t equate to putting chains on somebody.

By giving him enough room, you will make him miss you when you aren’t around. (Trust me, it’s one of the best bits of relationship advice I’ve ever received!)

Véase también: 5 cosas que hacer cuando él se aleja

Necesita tiempo para lidiar con sus propios problemas

Cuando un hombre está estresado, agobiado por el trabajo, triste o, en general, se siente mal, busca la soledad.

They’ll create some distance. That “rule” applies to all men on earth and all types of relationships – high school romances, serious relationships, almost relationships, you name it.

And no, it won’t be because they lost all their feelings for you or have any intention of hurting you. The only reason why men need space and why they pull back is because they are programmed that way.

The main culprit for misunderstanding here is gender differences. While a woman would immediately talk to somebody and pour her heart out in a bad situation, a man does the opposite: he withdraws and excludes everyone around him. He doesn’t want to talk about it or even deal with it.

¿Qué hacer al respecto?

Try to understand where he’s coming from. Don’t try and force things out of him.

Obsérvelo, pues tal vez ya sepa por qué está actuando raro y distante de repente.

The main reason he doesn’t come to talk to you openly about his problems is that he doesn’t want to appear weak in your eyes. Give him as much space and time as he needs to come around and talk to you because, trust me, that’s exactly what your guy needs!

Keep in mind that it probably has nothing to do with you or anything concerning your love life, he’s just dealing with his own issues in his own way.

And once you give him some space, he’ll feel the need to talk to you the next day, the day after that, or in a few days for sure.

Malentendidos o problemas en la relación

The same behavioral pattern as to when he has his own issues to deal with will arise when a relationship goes through some problems or obstacles. Instead of talking about it, he’ll stay silent and cambiar su comportamiento.

He won’t say that he feels like you don’t understand him or that something is not working right, because these aren’t “manly” things to say.

¿Qué hacer al respecto?

The only solution he’ll see is to take a step back and figure out where everything is heading.

This is the time when you have to speak up. If you are under the impression that things aren’t right between you, you have to find a way to deal with it.

Ask him what the problem might be. Ask him why he no longer tells you “I love you” or why he no longer texts first, or whatever the case may be. And whatever he tells you, don’t overreact or go into defense mode.

Conseguirás mucho más escuchándole e intentando ver las cosas desde su perspectiva.

If you can understand him, then you can find a solution and work on the problem, and avoid making even bigger ones by ignoring them and sweeping them under the rug. They are bound to come out – it’s just a matter of time.

Whatever his reason for needing space might be, you have to remember that 95% of the time it doesn’t have anything to do with you and everything to do with him.

Los hombres y las mujeres están hechos de manera diferente y tienen formas distintas de afrontar determinadas situaciones.

That’s why they hit rough patches and at times fail to communicate that easily.

Véase también: ¿Necesita espacio o se ha acabado? (7 maneras de saberlo)

Cuestionar la relación

I’ll be honest with you here: even though, in most cases, asking for some room is not a red flag, sometimes it really can be alarming.

Todos los expertos en relaciones te dirán lo mismo: existe la posibilidad de que tu novio quiera pasar un tiempo a solas porque en realidad está buscando una oportunidad para reflexionar sobre vuestra relación.

I’m not talking about the issues you two might have here only. Instead, I’m telling you he wants to take a break from you so he can figure out whether you’re the one or not.

Este escenario es más probable que ocurra cuando su relación llega a ciertas encrucijadas.

It can happen after a few months of your new relationship. You guys are done with casual dating, you have been together for a couple of months and it’s time to see where things are going.

¿Se volverá exclusivo? ¿Es esto una relación seria? Or you’re not cut for each other and it’s best to split ways.

You might be sure that you want the guy next to you as your boyfriend but hey, that doesn’t make him so certain.

Sé que esta constatación probablemente arruinará tu autoestima, pero algunas personas necesitan más tiempo para decidirse.

Lo mismo ocurre con las relaciones duraderas. Después de tantos años juntos, se pregunta si realmente quiere pasar el resto de su vida contigo.

I’m not saying that you’re necessarily presionándole para que se case. It’s just that he wants to think things through. Are you his happily ever after or not?

¿Qué hacer al respecto?

As much as these sorts of things can kill your self-esteem and make you question your own worth, please don’t look at everything so negatively. Let’s be realistic. Turn off your heart for just a moment and realize that you’re actually dealing with a mature man here.

He probably didn’t choose the best way to deal with his dilemmas but hey, don’t we all have them? This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you.

It’s just that he’s aware that sometimes love isn’t enough. He wants to think about your future together and about whether you’re compatible or not.

Also, he wants to see if he can live without you. Well, if your man wants space- that’ exactly what he’ll get.

Trust me, before you know it, he’ll start missing you like hell. Don’t chase after him, no matter what.

Tienes que concederle sus deseos. Hazle ver lo terrible que sería su vida sin ti en ella.

Miedo de compromiso

¿Y si tu hombre está locamente enamorado de ti pero le cuesta demostrarlo? ¿Y si asustado de lo mucho que le gustas?

No, no se trata de una tontería que los chicos dicen a las chicas para que se salgan con la suya, a veces es la verdad.

Verá, este el tipo tiene fobia al compromiso. But he isn’t actually scared of letting a girl in- he’s scared of heartbreak.

Al mismo tiempo, sabe que la única forma segura de evitar salir herido es no apegarse demasiado emocionalmente.

Nevertheless, he didn’t count on loving you this much. Now that he’s become aware of his emotions, he wants to distance himself.

On the other hand, he is too much in love with you to leave you just like that. So he finds a compromise: he still wants you in his life but doesn’t want to become emotionally dependent on you.

I know what you must be thinking: you love this guy and he loves you back. So why can’t you just have a healthy relationship without all of this drama?

Well, wouldn’t life be easier that way? Sadly, sometimes you run into obstacles, and here is one of them.

¿Qué hacer al respecto?

You’re dealing with a man who was emocionalmente no disponible hasta que te conoció. Felicidades por derribar sus muros, sin siquiera intentarlo.

What he has to understand is that you won’t break his heart. Don’t pressure him into anything he doesn’t feel ready for.

But at the same time, make sure he knows he’s safe around you. Find a way to show him that you’re trustworthy and that you won’t use his vulnerabilities against him.

Once your guy sees a best friend in you and once he realizes he can get emotionally naked in front of you- he’s all yours.

Un camino hacia la ruptura

This one is the toughest. It’s something you’ve feared the most: your BF is buscando una manera de romper contigo.

He doesn’t have the courage to really do it. Instead, he tells you he wants to hacer una pausa.

Of course, he doesn’t give you a valid reason for his change of heart. He just tells you that he wants to focus on his own needs and his own well-being for a while and that your relationship is taking too much of his energy and time.

Before you know it, your best friend sees him with another girl. Of course, he doesn’t post anything about his new relationship on social media because he is hiding the real truth from you.

Why? Well, besides being a coward, this man is also keeping you as his backup plan. He doesn’t want to technically dump you so he can come back if nothing else works out.

In the meantime, he’ll be living a life of a bachelor. How convenient, isn’t it?

¿Qué hacer al respecto?

El primer paso es estar segura de sus intenciones. Recuerde que esto no siempre es la respuesta a la pregunta de por qué los hombres necesitan espacio.

Once you confirm your doubts and realize that this is just an excuse for a breakup, don’t give him space only- deja a este tipo ¡LO ANTES POSIBLE!

Beat him in his own game and show him that he can’t play with you the way he wants.

Tell him that you’re the one who’s been craving space for some time now but you didn’t want to break his heart. You’re so happy he needs space because that’s exactly what you want too.

I know this might be difficult to pull off but trust me- it’s the way to give him a taste of his own medicine. This man will eat himself alive once he sees how everything backfired on him.

¿Funciona dar espacio a un hombre?

Giving him space is not always easy but sometimes, it’s the best thing you can do for your relationship. In fact, taking a break from your relationship can broaden both of your perspectives.

First of all, it will give you a chance to see whether you want to live without each other. It will make you realize which one is true: “Distance makes the heart fonder” or “Out of sight, out of mind”.

Of course, you don’t have to stop seeing each other completely for this arrangement to work. You can just reduce the number of your dates, phone calls, or texts.

Or you can pretend that you’re in a long-distance relationship for a while- until you both figure things out.

¿Vuelven los chicos después de necesitar espacio?

Your man is the one who asked for space but ironically, he’ll start to miss you once you grant his wishes. Déjalo ir. and see what happens- it’s likely that he’ll come back sooner than you expect him to.

But even if he doesn’t, it’s just proof that he never deserved you in the first place. You know what they say: Si te gusta algo, déjalo ir. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.

Reflexiones finales

The most common reason why men need space is because they are just wired that way and it’s in their nature.

He will need some actual space for himself, but that doesn’t have to be something awful.

He’ll still be around and attentive, but maybe the intensity will be reduced, which is quite normal when relationships get a bit more serious.

Puede que eches de menos la cantidad de tiempo que pasáis juntos, pero la calidad será mucho mayor.

Un poco de espacio para respirar os dará la oportunidad de echaros de menos, y los nuevos intereses y actividades que realicéis en vuestro tiempo a solas harán que vuestros temas de conversación sean más amplios e interesantes.

Así que, si lo piensas bien, daros espacio mutuamente puede ser justo lo que necesitabais desde el principio.

Véase también: ¿Le he espantado? (6 maneras de saberlo)