Sé que es egoísta, pero no quiero perderte

When I say, “I love you,” I am saying ‘forever’. When I say that I am afraid to lose you, I am saying that I have no idea how would my life seguir adelante sin ti. It makes me sound as if I am seemingly desperate and I don’t actually mind.

Me conoces demasiado bien, así que sabes por qué lloro cuando me tumbo sobre tu pecho, escuchando los latidos de tu corazón. You know it’s because I’m afraid that your heart might stop and I will be left alone to fight with the idea that you’re no longer by my side.

Soy egoísta pero, al mismo tiempo, lo daría todo por ti. Soy egoísta hasta el punto de que te quiero toda para mí, sólo para poder entregarme y darte todo lo que soy.

It’s a contradiction that I face from day to day, trying to understand what my heart and mind are telling me.

It took me some time to realize that it’s nothing possessive but rather the fear of not being able to look at you or not being able to tell you how much I truly, deeply love you.

I am afraid to lose you because I can’t see myself loving anyone else and the thought that someone could possibly take your place one day is like poison to my mind because I don’t want that.

I don’t want to meet someone else and have to explain to them why I think that the stars are so beautiful.

I don’t want to have to explain myself to someone else when I start screaming how beautiful the sunset looks.

When I did all that in front of you, you just smiled, hugged me and kissed my forehead. It’s still my favorite kiss. It’s like you’re telling me that you’re not going anywhere and that siempre me protegerás.

Quiero eso. Realmente quiero eso. Quiero que te quedes a mi lado para que podamos protegernos mutuamente, porque no hay nadie ahí fuera que pueda entendernos como nosotros entendemos todo en la vida del otro.

Si encuentras a alguien nuevo (Dios no lo quiera) y descubres que serás más feliz con ella, con dejarme, te llevarías mi corazón contigo. Dejarías atrás una cáscara vacía.

Pero quiero que seas feliz. Si eso significa dejarme, entonces adelante. Pero sé feliz. Igual que tú quieres que yo sea feliz.

These thoughts don’t change the fact that I’m still afraid of a life without you by my side. That’s why everything I am and everything I will ever be, I’m giving to you.

I am afraid of mornings where I won’t be able to wake up seeing your wonderful, innocent face.

I’m afraid of nights that I might fall asleep not being able to curl up next to you and not being able to feel your warm breath on my face and the warmth of your body, so close to mine. I don’t want to see any of those scenes happen.

And I know that you don’t want that either. My fears are based on previous experiences that told me that if you hold someone dear, they will leave.

Nunca me diste una razón para pensar que ibas a mostrarme tu espalda y vete. It’s just that I’ve learned that with loving someone, comes losing them.

Sorry that I’m so complicated. Sorry for telling you this for the hundredth time, but I am afraid to lose you.