¿Tengo derecho a echarle de menos aunque nunca hayamos sido novios oficialmente?

No dejo de preguntarme, “Do I have the right to be sad now that we are no longer together?”

We were never exclusive. Barely anybody knew about us. People usually thought that we are just good friends that hang out together, go out, have the same friends. They would sometimes say something like, “You guys should be together—you fit just perfectly!”

Solíamos pelearnos tantas veces como un viejo matrimonio y vernos las caras igualmente. Teníamos muchos temas, ideas y sueños en común.

That’s what I miss the most. Us, dreaming and planning the future. We never said it was our future together. But we were both there. You never said I am your girlfriend. You never pictured me as your wife in those little fantasies of ours.

But, I was the one that was standing there right beside you every step of the way. What happened to that picture—why am I standing here all alone???

Cada vez que nos encontrábamos con alguien que conocías, me presentabas como un amigo. Eso me molestaba durante una fracción de segundo. Luego, en cuanto nos perdíamos de vista, me acercabas y me besabas para quitarme todo lo que me molestaba.

You used to say, “We know what we are., We don’t need to share everything with other people., I like this secret love of ours.”

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I agreed. I never thought that you need someone’s approval when you are in a relationship. All those couples displaying their love on Facebook and Instagram for everyone to see always seemed fake to me. It’s just not who I am. I like keeping things to myself. I liked keeping you for myself. Eras mi secreto más dulce.

Sometimes, I think our love story was just in our minds. But, it wasn’t—It was real.  

Había sentimientos. Reales. Quizá nos queríamos más que la mayoría de la gente que tiene una relación de manual. Al menos estoy seguro de que yo te quería.

Now that I am overthinking everything, I come to think that maybe you were hiding me because you were so insecure about us—cause you are the one that left me—and I am still holding on to something. Still asking myself, “Do I have the right to cry about us even though you were never officially my boyfriend?”

The truth is it doesn’t matter.

I will cry anyway. I can’t stop the tears from falling. You were mine. Someone and something of mine that cannot easily be replaced.  I just don’t know what I should do with this love that you left behind?

Dejaré que salga de mí a través de las lágrimas. Tendré que dejar que duela. Luego dejar que sane.

I am going to go through the same process that I went through after a previous three-year relationship—even though our thing lasted shorter. We shared so many common things. Not just physical stuff, even though I miss that, too. God, I miss that. But it felt like a real textbook relationship in every aspect and every segment. You leaving hurts even more.

Tengo la suerte de tener algunos amigos que sabían de ti. Es más fácil cuando comparto mis penas. Ellos también comparten las suyas conmigo. Aunque a menudo me preguntan, “How can you miss somebody that was never yours?”

They don’t get it, I had you – you had me. You were mine – body, heart, and soul. Like no one before. My heart is broken and it doesn’t care whether we were labeled as a couple or not. It doesn’t care. It just grieves. And I have the right to grieve, too.  

Véase también: No estás loco por echar de menos a alguien que no es tuyo