Matrimonios del Infierno: Diferentes tipos de esposas tóxicas CLASIFICADAS

Cuando decidisteis casaros, todo era perfecto. Ella era la mujer de tus sueños, y no podías creer que de entre todos esos hombres, te eligiera a TI para ser su hombre.

Todos tus amigos te tenían envidia por tener una mujer (tu futura esposa) que ellos sólo podían soñar con tener.

Era simpática, amable, cariñosa y la persona más inspiradora del mundo. Podías observarla día y noche sin aburrirte nunca.

Desde el momento en que la conocieron, tus padres también se enamoraron de ella.

Sentías que estabas a punto de despertarte a cada segundo de este hermoso sueño o que estabas en coma durante días imaginando que te casabas con esta mujer increíble.

And then, after a few weeks/months/years, you go to sleep feeling uneasy about the fact that she’ll still be there once you wake up in the morning.

If you’re lucky enough, you will be able to even fall asleep knowing that your ‘used to be heavenly marriage’ has turned into a living hell.

She’s no longer that same wife you used to brag about in front of everyone.

Now, you’re anxious about anyone even asking you about her because they would remind you of the fact that you’re trying to forget every single day – a miserable life with a toxic wife!

Wait a minute… HOW and WHEN did your marriage turn into a nightmare?

Antes de que diga (escriba) nada más, tenga en cuenta que este no es un artículo sobre que las mujeres sean las únicas parejas tóxicas en los matrimonios.

Men can be toxic as well, and the reason why I’m not writing about them at the moment is because it would take me a decade to finish it. Just kidding (or maybe not). Either way, you’ll never know.

Where were we? Yes. So, one day, you wake up in the morning and realize that you’re no longer in the same marriage with the same person.

Your wife has become one of those toxic people that you usually avoid (if you’re lucky enough).

Al Bundy, de Married…with childrenlo entiende muy bien. Si usted tiene una esposa regañona, su matrimonio probablemente tiene muchas cosas en común con su matrimonio (a excepción de la parte de la risa).

The only time you laugh is when she’s not home and you get to hang out with your friends whose wives are as toxic as yours.

Now, let’s be honest. You didn’t just wake up in the morning one day and realize that something’s not right with your marriage.

Your marriage didn’t turn into a living hell overnight… this has been happening for SOME TIME now, but you just didn’t pay attention to it.

A toxic marriage is not something that you experience all of a sudden, but it’s a process where toxic words and habits accumulate, and lack of open and honest communication becomes your lifestyle.

Se necesitan dos para estar en un matrimonio (ya sea un matrimonio sano o tóxico), por lo que tu esposa tóxica no puede ser vista como una unidad separada y la única causa de tu miseria.

Both partners are responsible for what happens (or doesn’t happen) in marriage.

Tu matrimonio se convirtió en una pesadilla en el momento en que dejaste de luchar por él.

Sí. Tu matrimonio se convirtió en un infierno en el momento en que te dijiste esto: OMG I’m so sick and tired of this thing called marriage, but I can’t say this to my wife because if I do, I’ll make things even worse. Anyway, who has time to deal with marriage problems? I certainly don’t.

Let’s say that your wife feels the same way about this, so there you have it: Una receta para un matrimonio tóxico.

Here’s something funny. I lived with my partner (now ex-partner) for two years and everything was perfect in the beginning of our life together.

El momento las cosas empezaron a torcerse fue cuando empecé a criticarle por ciertas cosas como platos sin lavar, montones de tazas sucias por todas partes, calcetines sucios debajo de la cama, lo que se te ocurra.

Así que, un día, me dije: What the hell, dude? I’m not your mother. I will certainly not go around all day collecting your mugs or socks. I do my chores, you do yours.

The moment I addressed all the issues in our relationship, I officially became every guy’s nightmare – a nagging creature.

It was evident that he didn’t want to change, and I couldn’t deal with it any longer, so I stopped giving a damn about it.

Decidí vivir mi vida lo mejor que pude hasta que nos separamos.

I still think about what would have happened if we had been open and honest with each other all the time, and not when things had already gone south. Hmm…

“I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.” – David Bissonette

Here’s a potential joke I just came up with: The only positive thing about being in a toxic marriage is that you’re the only one laughing out loud at husband-wife jokes not because they’re funny, but because you know how true they actually are.

Now, we could continue talking about how your marriage is a living hell and I could tell you that I understand how you’re feeling and that everything will be okay, but I won’t waste mine and your time on it because it’s boring.

This is not a story about how to deal with toxic partners, but it’s a story that serves primarily as a comic relief to every toxic marriage out there.

With all that being said, below, you’ll find the list of toxic wives and their influence on marriage explained in a sarcastic way.

Este tipo de esposas TÓXICAS pueden hacer que cualquier hombre se arrepienta de haberse casado:

1. A crazy wife – the type of wife that makes you regret waking up in the morning.

Este es el tipo de mujer del que los hombres llevan décadas hablando. Son el tema principal de uno de cada dos artículos y la razón por la que tantos hombres se convierten en alcohólicos sin sueño.

If there’s one thing a crazy wife is exceptionally good at, it’s making you feel like it’s your fault for everything bad that has happened to her (and that is about to happen): If you didn’t talk about your stupid friends, I wouldn’t have gone to the mall and stumbled upon Karen whom you know I have hated since high school!

Dios nos libre si Karen exige hablar con el gerente (los amantes de los memes entenderán esto).

Lidiando con una esposa loca requires a special set of skills like admitting that you’re wrong even when you’re not, and having an extensive dictionary of trigger words to prevent putting her in “a crazy wife on steroids” mode within seconds.

2. A nagging wife – the type of wife that makes you regret not washing the dishes.

Una esposa regañona es el tipo de esposa que lo hace todo en el matrimonio mientras su marido se pasa el día sentado sin hacer nada, excepto ver el fútbol y beber con sus colegas.

A nagging wife is capable of making you feel like you’re totally incompetent and incapable of living without her commands.

A nagging wife’s special power is making you fear for your life if you don’t do what she asked you to do.

3. A selfish wife – the type of wife that keeps you locked in the house because she demands attention 24/7.

You know you’re casado con una esposa egoísta si todo lo que haces por ella no es suficiente. Ella lo quiere todo y lo quiere ahora, y tu tarea es encontrar la forma de hacerlo realidad.

If you don’t, you’ll be the worst husband in the world and every single one of her female friends will know that about you.

Si decepcionas a una esposa egoísta, te amenazará con dejarte.

Even though this sounds like the best thing that could happen to you, you cannot pretend that you’re finally relieved. Instead, you have to beg her to stay.

4. A disrespectful wife – the type of wife that makes you feel like you’re the main cause for your unhappy marriage.

Una esposa irrespetuosa’s favorite hobby is humiliating you in front of others. Her special set of skills includes avoiding listening to you or talking to you.

A disrespectful wife flirts freely with others in front of you under the excuse that you’re too boring and you never court her.

Even though you have accomplished so many things in your life, she still succeeds in making you feel less worthy. She lives for contradicting you even when she knows that she’s the one who’s wrong.

“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates

Otra cosa positiva de estar con una esposa tóxica es la posibilidad de mejorar tu pensamiento crítico.

It takes skill to deal with certain toxic situations and to pretend in front of others that you’re living your best life when, in reality, you’re actually falling apart.

Here’s my hypothesis: By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a toxic one, better luck next time.