If you opened this article hoping that you’ll be taught the techniques on how to control narcissistic people, I’m sorry, but I’ll have to disappoint you.
There is no such a thing as controlling a narcissist because it’s only them who can pull out such manipulating games on others.
And if you’re aiming to learn how to control other people, be that narcissist or any other, then you’re no different whatsoever from the people you’re trying to protect yourself from.
Be that as it may, perhaps controlling narcissists back isn’t the only way to defend yourself from them. What if you could beat narcissists at their game? What if you could stop them from playing mind games on you? What if I told you there is a way to shut down a narcissist?
On the contrary to what they may believe, narcissists are not invincible. Strong women shut narcissists down all the time, and I bring you 5 effective ways how you can do it too and beat them in their efforts to harm you.
1. Don’t engage in their ploys
This is by far the hardest way and definitely the most effective one. Don’t allow narcissists to drag you into their ploys.
It takes a lot of strength and self-discipline to simply ignore a narcissist and his games. It takes a lot of strength to tell yourself how you will walk away a winner from that game if you choose not to engage in it.
Furthermore, this one pisses the narcissistic people the most. Why? Because by ignoring them, you’re showing how they can’t get to you. By ignoring all their intentions, you’re making them lose at the very start and this hurts their egos badly.
2. Remind yourself that their feelings are not your responsibility
If by some chance you’re not a person who can just turn off the world that’s going on around you and if you’re one of the sensitive ones, then ignoring narcissistic games will be hard for you.
Their efforts to try and make you feel guilty, their manipulation games and everything they tend to orchestrate for their victims will probably get to you. So, the question is: what’s left for you to do?
Remind yourself that their feelings are not your responsibility. If you’re one of those who have this inner need to save the whole world and if you’re an empath in your nature, then probably you’ll feel all the pain narcissists are projecting on you. But try to remind yourself that they play the victim too well, and that they’re way too good at turning the tables and putting the blame on someone else.
So, when they try to make you feel guilty, when they try to sell you the story about how it’s you who hurt them, don’t buy it. Always keep in mind that that’s one of their games to make you suffer and make them feel superior.
3. Know that they’re projecting
What many may forget is the fact that narcissists need to make other people miserable and feel small and less important than them, so they could feel good about themselves.
The only time when narcissists feel superior is when they have someone who’s ‘below’ them. So how do they do it?
Narcissists use their mind games to make others feel less worthy. They tear other people’s confidence by magnifying their flaws and making them focus only on their bad sides. But what’s really happening here?
See, perhaps a narcissist sees you as a completely flawed person, but in most cases, they feel threatened by people who are happy, doing well in life or chasing their dreams. So, in order to ‘turn off’ this feeling, they start projecting their insecurities on you.
They start insulting you, accusing you and they pull all other tricks they have in their hands, so that you would look bad in order to have the focus taken off of themselves and transferred on you.
Knowing that all the things they’re saying about you are how they actually feel about themselves helps a lot when dealing with your own feelings and perhaps even gives you leverage over a narcissist.
4. You can respond, but don’t react
See, you might think these two are the same, but you’re wrong. They are similar but different in one crucial part – emotions.
When you find yourself in a duel with a narcissist and if you chose to ‘return a favour’, respond, but don’t react. What does this mean?
If you are able to control yourself, then respond to his attack, but don’t get emotionally involved in it. Think with your head and shut your heart down.
When a narcissist attacks you, always know that in most cases, it’s never personal. You’re probably just a random victim, a person that found herself in the wrong place in the wrong time. It could’ve been anybody else in your shoes, too.
It’s not personal, but they want you to think it is. They want you to think they’re addressing you and that they have something against you. But in most cases, they’re doing it so you’d get emotionally involved in the fight. Once they get you emotionally involved and once they provoke a reaction from you, you’re way easier to hurt.
Don’t allow them to upset you. Respond, but withhold your emotions and don’t react. This way, the odds are in your favour.
5. Throw the ball in their court
When you know why they behave the way they do, when you’re aware that they’re attacking you in order toin order to switch focus from themselves, when you know that they’re bringing you down just to make themselves feel superior and that in fact,, they’re projecting all their insecurities on you, it gets easier to beat them at their own game.
Just throw the ball in their court.
Once they start attacking, don’t defend yourself. Attack back. They don’t say that attack is the best defence. Don’t try to make yourself look bad, but explain why they’re doing what they’re doing. Tell them you know that they feel that way about themselves and that you’re sorry for them, but that you’re neither weak nor stupid enough enough to let them tear you down.
Hand them the hot potato and see what happens. Say hello to the victory!