I’m done with trying. I don’t want to force myself into doing everything I can just to show that I’m worthy of your love and affection. I’m much better than that.
For years, I tried to make you see that I wasn’t someone whom you could mess around and play games with. I wanted you to believe that I was more than that. That I was enough to make all your dreams come true. That I was the one you wanted to build a family with. I guess I got in way over my head.
You weren’t a bad guy. That’s why I fell for you. You were charming and smart; I mean, you still are, but a long time ago those were the traits that I admired the most. You came into my life when I was looking for myself. In looking for myself I found you and you helped me on my journey to fulfilling my life. Somehow, I simply knew that it was too good to be true.
The strange part was, at that time, I didn’t really think much about the fact that you didn’t want a serious relationship. It was like listening to someone refuse a job offer that he really did want, just because of his own beliefs. So, I stood around, waiting for you to change your mind.
That’s when I thought that if I put enough effort into everything, that you would see that relationships are a wonderful thing, but no, you would always refuse and we would keep fighting.
So, I started to cry myself to sleep at night. I wanted you to be mine so badly that I didn’t know what to do anymore. I loved you so genuinely and so purely that nothing was too hard for me to do.
I listened to your problems, I was your shoulder to lean on when things got tough. I even continued to be there for you from the moment you stopped caring about me.
Sex and alcohol were more important than I was. I was always left alone, waiting for you when you were at bars, where you would be walking around, trying to find a sex slave for the night. Only when you couldn’t find one would you come to me.
I was always your last resort, your last choice, when you were my priority. But still, whenever I would want to talk to you about anything related to our relationship, you would just back down, close yourself up emotionally and I could never pass that barrier to your heart.
Even though I was always asking if someone hurt you in your past, so you got afraid to love again, you would yell at me, telling me that your past was none of my business. So I stopped asking. But in my mind, that question was always present.
When I started to realize that you were emotionally unavailable, that all my efforts were for nothing except trying to fight a lost battle, I gave up.
So here I am, leaving. You aren’t even trying to stop me, trying to say something that will make me stay—no. I’m just left all alone, all by myself. But even that is better than staying with you.
The thing that hurt me most of all is the fact that you were playing with my heart. You never took me seriously. I was just a toy to play with when you got bored with the weight of the world.
I can’t keep looking at your face because my heart burns and my body shivers. I can’t do this anymore. I’m broken and hurt. I want to heal before I can continue to live.
The last thing I want to do is apologize to myself for swallowing my pride with you.
But you will have a place in my heart for some time now, so if you decide that you want me in your life, I will swallow my pride one last time and give you a chance.
Somehow, I don’t believe that it’ll happen that soon. Or even at all. But just know that you need to take care of the people around you, especially the people who care for you. They are rare. So be aware that they will leave if you take them for granted. They will leave, everyone will leave, just like I did.