13 segni di attaccamento emotivo nei vostri confronti + una guida sull'attaccamento

Essere emotivamente legati a una persona speciale è la sensazione più bella del mondo, soprattutto se l'altra persona prova lo stesso sentimento. Tuttavia, spesso l'attaccamento può diventare malsano in un attimo.

Ma come si fa a sapere qual è il proprio stile di attaccamento? Siete davvero innamorati o sentite solo il bisogno di amore?

Is there a way to tell if someone is attached to you? What’s the difference between love and attachment?

Ci sono situazioni in cui si ha un intensa connessione emotiva with someone but you have a hard time defining it. Also, you can’t seem to figure out if your feelings are reciprocated.

Well, in that case, you need the help of an expert and you’ve come to the right place. Here is everything you need to know about attachment including the signs that someone’s emotionally attached to you.

Significato di attaccamento emotivo

Prima di arrivare al punto, dobbiamo essere chiari su cosa attaccamento emotivo è.

In simple words, the emotional attachment means feeling strong affection for someone and more. You have this uncontrollable urge to be next to this person and let’s not forget the powerful bond you two share.

Anche la possessività caratterizza questo tipo di attaccamento nella maggior parte dei casi. Volete questa persona solo per voi stessi e il solo pensiero che non provi lo stesso sentimento vi fa perdere la testa.

But this doesn’t mean that being attached to someone is necessarily a bad thing- it all depends on what you do with your feelings.

If your feelings aren’t reciprocated, there is definitely a possibility of hell breaking loose. On the other hand, this kind of emotional connection can also be una base per una relazione sana.

Tipi di attaccamento emotivo

Relationships are difficult as it is, but to make things even worse—which you kind of expected because nothing can go smoothly—there are 3 different types of attachment when it comes to men:

Allegato amico

L'attaccamento all'amico è molto comune. Iniziate a costruire una relazione con lui, ma i suoi sentimenti per voi rimangono solo platonici.

Questo è sicuramente un allarme amico-zona. You can forget about having a romantic relationship with him. He has blocked you in that way and once you get blocked, there’s no way of getting unblocked.

Yes, the truth is that you two shouldn’t be lovers only if you plan on having something serious- you should also be best friends. But in this case, you’re nothing but good friends and that’s the whole problem.

The issue about this is that usually, a friend attachment starts off similarly to an emotional one. It’s quite difficult to tell these two apart, especially if you’re the one who wants something more.

In questa situazione, lasciarsi trasportare è un gioco da ragazzi. Avete un uomo che vuole passare del tempo con voi, che apprezza la vostra opinione e che ovviamente prova qualcosa per voi.

Naturalmente, si presume che si sta innamorando di te. Poi, di punto in bianco, appaiono le sue storie su altre donne.

All'inizio vi convincete che sta facendo tutto questo per farvi ingelosire. Tuttavia, ben presto vi rendete conto che quest'uomo vi vede come una sua compagna e questa consapevolezza vi colpisce come una doccia fredda.

Yes, the truth is that he loves and appreciates you. But that’s how everyone feels about their real friends.

If this is something you can relate to, I can give you one piece of advice only: back off! Don’t torment yourself by staying next to him just because you hope that one of these days he’ll finally start seeing you as materiale per la fidanzata.

Attaccamento fisico

Physical attachment is based solely on your looks and chemistry. It happens when you’re exclusively led by your hormones, desires, and primal instincts.

Ma, come sapete, chimica reale non è sufficiente se si vuole una relazione seria.

You can start with it, but after the honeymoon phase is over, the chemistry will fade and you’re left with nothing.

Il sesso può essere ottimo all'inizio, ma dopo un po' di tempo anche quello crollerà.

Nevertheless, just because this isn’t a real deal- it doesn’t mean that it can’t rock your world.

Attaccamento romantico

Finally, the thing you’re here for: romantic attachment. Love attachment is something you should be interested in. That is the real deal.

This is the kind of attachment that encompasses both friend and physical attachment- because you can’t be real partners if you aren’t friends and if you don’t share strong chemistry.

Questo tipo di attaccamento è la fase finale in cui si può essere assolutamente sicuri che un uomo voglia essere il vostro persona per sempre. It’s something you’ll have and feel for the rest of your life.

Essere in grado di raggiungere questo livello di attaccamento dimostra che sia voi che il vostro potenziale partner romantico siete emotivamente maturo. Questa è la corona della vostra relazione e la base più solida possibile per una relazione sana e per il vero amore.

Come fanno i ragazzi a legarsi emotivamente?

Gli uomini, invece, sono una storia completamente diversa. Non è detto che siamo due mondi completamente diversi per caso.

C'è un'ottima ragione per questo. Le donne sono esseri verbali e amano esprimersi a parole, mentre gli uomini nascondono i loro veri sentimenti, il fatto di essere emotivamente legati.

Andate alla radice delle sue emozioni e fate in modo che si apra con voi come non ha mai fatto prima. La sua ossessione segretaUna guida straordinaria alla psiche e agli istinti maschili.

Se lo tengono dentro perché la maggior parte degli uomini non è brava con le parole. Forse hanno paura del rifiuto o umiliazione se i sentimenti non sono ricambiati.

Quindi, mostreranno se sono attratti da voi, ma in modo sottile, con piccoli segnali adorabili.

Sta a voi decodificarli e capire se vuole che rispondiate.

Give them a break—it’s not that easy to court a girl if you are not sure she likes you back, especially if the man is just another nice guy scared to do something stupid and lose you.

Actually, when you think about it, these signs will also tell you if he is a nice guy or a bad boy because bad boys don’t have the time to do these things.

Vanno subito al sodo e, di solito, questo sbocco vi lascia soli e con il cuore spezzato.

Quindi, se vedete questi segnali, non solo potete essere sicure che lui si sia affezionato a voi e che vi piaccia, ma potete anche essere sicure che sia un bravo ragazzo.

Con il Sistema di devozione, you’ll get his attention and his devotion – for as long as you want it.

Segni che un uomo è emotivamente attaccato a te

Women are open books when it comes to their feelings. We are just that type of people. When we like someone, when we are attached to them, we’ll let them know.

We’ll be straightforward because there is no point in wasting any time—you have to get down to business right away.

Gli piace passare del tempo con voi

Questo è uno dei segni più evidenti del suo attaccamento a voi.

Utilizzerà il suo tempo libero, che di solito era riservato al relax, per voi.

Uscirà con te perché gli piaci e sicuramente prova qualcosa per te.

I know, some of you may say it’s because he thinks he can have sex with you, but what if you’ve taken sex off the table? What then?

Se continua a frequentarti, vuol dire che sta con te solo perché è interessato a approfittando di voi?

You see, it doesn’t because he really has no ulterior motive. Your relationship is not physical, it’s not sexual because you are not friends with benefits, so you can be sure he is not in it for the sex. He is in it because he likes you.

Ti contatta continuamente

Not a day can go by that he doesn’t call or text you. Isn’t this adorable? He wants to see if you’re okay and he wants to let you know he’s thinking about you, that he’s missing you.

So che sembra un po' invadente e stalker, ma non se è adorabile. C'è una grande differenza tra essere inquietanti al telefono e assolutamente carini.

If you like him and if he doesn’t bother you by wanting to see your every move, if he isn’t acting possessive, then it’s just adorable.

He genuinely wants to see if you are okay and in the end, he just wants to say “hi” and show you he exists and is pensando a te.

È interessato solo a te

Sta concentrando tutte le sue energie su di te. Potete essere certi che siete l'unica donna per lui.

He is spending all this time with you; he’s calling and texting you just to see what you’ve been up to and most importantly, he is not dating other people.

Ok, puoi essere certa che si sia affezionato a te e che voglia avere qualcosa con te.

Sta andando al di là di ogni aspettativa

Chi non ama i regali e le cene per San Valentino? Per la maggior parte dei ragazzi, si sa cosa si riceverà e in un certo senso ce lo si aspetta.

But, what if your guy can’t afford all those beautiful things he gives you, all those beautiful places he takes you to?

Well, if he does it anyway, then he is really giving everything he’s got to win you over. You mean that much to him.

Ti guarda in modo speciale

You just know this kind of a look. Once you see it, you know it’s the look that says vuole te e solo te. Nei suoi occhi si vede l'amore, si vede l'ammirazione.

Il suo volto è sereno e felice mentre ti guarda. Si capisce che è proprio così.

This look cannot be faked. You can be a world-winning actor but you can’t fake that look.

Nemmeno un narcisista sotto mentite spoglie can fake this look. It’s genuine and you’ll know it when you see it.

Ti mette sempre al primo posto

Let’s get one thing straight. If he doesn’t put you first and if agisce in modo egoistico, you can be sure he is not the man who’ll stick around longer.

If he only takes care of himself and his needs, he’s probably even a selfish lover, and he is not the man for you.

Don’t think that a man who only thinks about himself is going to take you to a restaurant or actually pay any attention to you.

Ma un uomo che è disposto a fare qualsiasi cosa per voi e che si preoccupa delle vostre esigenze e di voi, in generale, è l'uomo che si affeziona a voi e vuole stare con voi.

Vi presenta la sua famiglia e i suoi amici

Uno dei segni più importanti che è interessato a te and wants to be with you is when he insists on you meeting the most important people in his life—his friends and his family.

Gli piaci così tanto che vuole mostrarti ai suoi cari.

He wants to get their approval, but even if he doesn’t, that won’t stop him because emotional attachment is not something you can easily forget.

Chiede la vostra opinione

Si preoccupa davvero di ciò che pensate. Quando ha bisogno di aiuto, sa che può rivolgersi a voi. Sa che non lo giudicherete e non gli direte "te l'avevo detto".

He knows you’ll help him as much as you can. When he needs advice, he will seek yours because he knows that you will do your best to give him a suggestion that is in his interest.

He likes the way you think and he respects your thoughts—that’s why he wants to hear your opinion.

Si sta avvicinando a te

Non lo fa di proposito. È solo la legge dell'attrazione e lui è attratto da te alla grande.

Whenever he is close to you, he can’t help but lean to you because he wants to be with you and his body wants it, too.

He will never ambush you and capture you, so you don’t have anywhere to go if you don’t want him to lean to you.

Vi lascerà sempre un po' di spazio per spostarvi se vi sentite a disagio.

He is not pretending to be something he’s not

Con voi, è il suo vero io. Non vuole fingere di essere qualcosa che non è.

Questo è un altro segno della sua attrazionedi attaccamento romantico.

He wants to be himself because he knows you won’t judge him. He doesn’t want to play you because you mean so much to him and he refuses to gamble away the chance of being with you.

He knows that masks fall sooner or later and he doesn’t want to risk it. Either you like him or you don’t.

Egli muove le montagne per voi

There is nothing he can’t do for you; nothing is too difficult. It is not because he is a sucker. He enjoys it because he is emotionally connected to you.

He loves you and it’s not a problem to do anything you need him to do. He will use extra effort to take you out on a nice date.

Cercherà di pianificare al meglio le cose per rendervi felici.

È onesto

Lui si apre a voi and there are no secrets. I mean, he won’t tell you his whole life story the moment he meets you, but when your relationship becomes more complex, he won’t hide anything from you.

Risponderà a tutte le domande che gli farete, perché quando ci siete voi, tutta la sua vita è un libro aperto.

Sa che i bugiardi saranno sempre etichettati come tali.

Even if they repent for their lies, no one will trust them completely ever again. He doesn’t want to take that risk with you.

Vuole impegnarsi con voi

È convinto che lei sia la persona con cui vuole passare il resto della sua vita.

He knows that your emotional connection is over the moon and he doesn’t want to risk losing that.

Uscire con altre donne è fuori discussione perché lui vuole solo te. Siete la fonte della sua felicità e il senso della sua vita.

Può sembrare smielato, ma lo siete, e siete una ragazza fortunata ad avere quel qualcosa che tante altre donne sognano.

If you find yourself in these signs, then congratulations—you’ve got a man that is completely in love with you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

He is not a liar; he doesn’t pretend to like you because he has no other motives to be with you except the fact he wants to.

Give him a chance because he’s probably too scared to say something directly.

Well, men are like that—what you can do but make the first move!

Domande frequenti

È emotivamente attaccato a me?

When a man feels a romantic attachment to you, he’ll have his occhi solo per te. You two don’t even have to be in an actual relationship just yet but he’ll be committed to you either way.

This guy isn’t interested in any other girl besides you. Spending time with you makes him the happiest man alive and all he wants is your validation that he’s good enough.

Si preoccupa del vostro benessere, vi mette al primo posto ed è pronto a fare qualsiasi cosa pur di starvi vicino. Non solo: questo ragazzo è anche ossessionato dalla vostra vita sentimentale.

He wants to find out if you’re dating someone else and what type of men you like, so he can know whether he stands a chance or not.

Se questa situazione assomiglia molto al vostro uomo, non c'è dubbio su una cosa: è attaccato a voi.

How Do You Know You’re Attached To Someone?

When you’re attached to someone, you feel close to them even when you’re physically apart. Whenever you’re with them, you feel at home. Their hug is where you belong and feel more secure than ever.

You enjoy this person’s presence more than anything and you would spend every second of your day with them if you could. You can’t get them out of your head, as much as you try and you can’t picture your life without them there.

Romanticizzate l'intera relazione e vedete questa persona come molto migliore di quanto sia in realtà. You look at them through rose-tinted glasses and it’s like you refuse to notice any of their flaws.

È una bella sensazione, lo so. Tuttavia, ricordate sempre che nessuno è degno di perdere se stessi.

No matter how attached you are to this special someone, please don’t detach from reality. Most importantly: don’t ever stop mettere se stessi al primo posto.

Come smettere di essere emotivamente attaccati?

Overcoming unhealthy attachment is not easy but it can be done. You just have to understand that you can live without them, even though it doesn’t appear that way now.

Instead of putting that much focus on your loved one, work on your self-esteem and remember that they don’t define you. Don’t forget that the steering wheel of your life is in your hands, so please don’t ever put your own happiness under someone else’s control!

You know, all of this attachment is cute- to a certain extent. But the moment it grows into emotional dependency, it’s a red flag that you have to do something.

You know exactly what I’m talking about, otherwise, you wouldn’t be wondering how to stop being attached, would you?

C'è un'enorme differenza tra attaccamento malsano e sano. Quando si prova il secondo, si sente un bellissimo legame emotivo con la persona a cui si tiene.

Tuttavia, quando si ha uno stile di attaccamento malsano, la relazione diventa l'unica cosa che conta. All'improvviso, i migliori amici e i membri della famiglia diventano poco importanti. E, cosa ancora peggiore, ci si disinteressa completamente di se stessi.

The person you’re in love with dictates your entire life and your entire mood depends on the way they treat you. You feel incomplete without them and letting go is not an option.

Ecco come guarire da questo tipo di dipendenza malsana.

Individuare la causa del vostro stile di attaccamento malsano

Curing the consequences without finding the cause is in vain, don’t you think? That’s exactly why you must dig deep inside of yourself and figure out the reason for your modelli di relazione malsani.

È il paura di essere abbandonati? Le persone che sono state abbandonate in passato sviluppano la fobia che la storia si ripeta.

If you’ve been left behind by someone who meant the world to you, it’s natural that you’re convinced everyone will treat you the same.

Another common cause is abuse. If you’ve ever been a victim of violence, you’ve probably lost the sense of self-worth and you desperately hold on to the people you care about, assuming you don’t deserve their love.

Also, your behavior can be caused by emotional neglect in the past. If you’ve felt unloved and unwanted, you’re ready to do whatever it takes to prevent something like that from happening again.

Ironia della sorte, il vostro bisogno di solito ha un effetto controproducente e finite per allontanare le persone che amate.

Smettere di innamorarsi del potenziale

The next thing you should do if you want to detach yourself from someone is to stop romanticizing things. Let’s be honest: most of the time, you cling to all the could haves and should haves instead of seeing the reality.

You seeing your future with a guy doesn’t make your relationship perfect. But that’s exactly how you see it- without a single flaw.

Nel momento in cui si incontra una persona che ci piace, si comincia a immaginare la voi due che vi sposatecrescere un gruppo di figli e cavalcare insieme verso il tramonto.

Basically, you don’t attach to them- you attach to the idea of the life you want with them. Sometimes, you don’t fall in love with a person- you fall in love with the idea of love.

And once you stop doing that, you’ll also stop getting attached so fast.

Concentrarsi sull'autoprogresso

Being attached means spending all of your energy on the object of your affection. It usually includes thinking about them all the time, religiously stalking their social media pages, struggling with negative thoughts about whether they’ll leave you, doing your best to fit into their life…

In order for this to stop, you have to shift your energy to someone else. No, I’m not advising you to start dating more people at once just to get your attention from this one person.

I’m talking about you here. You have to put your entire focus on yourself instead of racking your brain about your (potential) partner.

If you want to get rid of your unhealthy patterns, you have to build your self-confidence. It means realizing that you’re good enough with or without them and most importantly, understanding that someone else would love you, even if they left.

You can’t achieve any of this unless you engage in some serious self-improvement. That includes becoming your best self and turning your long-forgotten goal and dreams into reality.

Once that happens, you’ll start appreciating yourself more. You’ll riacquistare il senso di autostima and you won’t need anyone’s validation.

Besides, you won’t have any time and energy left to obsess over them. And that’s your final goal, isn’t it?

Stabilire alcune regole di comportamento

You control your emotions- it’s not the other way around. That’s exactly why you have to learn how to control yourself in this kind of situation.

Stabilite delle regole di comportamento per voi stessi e rispettatele, a prescindere da tutto.

Start with seemingly little things, such as promising yourself that you’ll never double or triple text your (potential) partner if they haven’t responded to your first text. Promise yourself that you won’t ask them if they love you every day just because you need reassurance.

Another good idea is to choose a day of the week when you’ll see your friends and family without your BAE. I don’t care how in love you might be and how badly you want to see your person on this day as well- there is no chance in hell that you’d allow yourself to break this rule.

The examples are endless but the point is the same. You don’t have to cut ties with this special someone but you have to find a way to detach yourself from them.

Chiedere aiuto

Finally, if you notice that all of this is taking a toll on you, it’s time to get some help. A good idea is to talk with your good friends or family members. Sometimes, you just need a person of trust to hear you out and be your shoulder to cry on.

Inoltre, non c'è da vergognarsi a parlare con un professionista della salute mentale. Questi vi presenterà diverse strategie per alleviare il dolore e vi aiuterà ad affrontare il problema nel modo più sano possibile.

È amore o attaccamento emotivo?

While love’s primary goal is making the other person happy, attachment is directed towards fulfilling your own needs. Even though many people think that amore e attaccamento emotivo sono sinonimi, ci sono alcune differenze fondamentali tra questi due concetti.

Egoista vs. altruista

Amare veramente qualcuno significa desiderare che l'altra persona sia felice, with or without you. It is all about wanting their well-being, even if that doesn’t include you.

On the other hand, attachment is usually all about you. Yes, you’re obsessed with your bae but you’re doing it for all the selfish reasons.

Maybe you cling to them because you’re scared of dying alone, maybe they give you everything you’ve been looking for or just fit into your idea of il vostro abbinamento perfetto.

In ogni caso, il vostro obiettivo finale è soddisfare i vostri bisogni emotivi, non i loro.

Liberatorio vs. possessivo

Essere attaccati significa voler avere il pieno controllo sulla persona amata. Significa essere eccessivamente possessivi e non dare loro abbastanza spazio per respirare.

Love is different. When you love someone, you give them all the freedom in the world. Fear doesn’t paralyze you, you’re aware of your values and you don’t even think of caging them.

At some level, you’re behaving like this on purpose. As much as you love your person, you don’t want them around if you have to keep them from leaving.

Desiderio vs. bisogno

Un'altra differenza cruciale tra attaccamento e amore è quella tra desiderare e avere bisogno.

You might love this person to the moon and back. Despite that, you still know that you’d survive without them. You can live without them- you just choose not to.

Al contrario, essere attaccati significa avere disperatamente bisogno di questa persona nella propria vita. Significa aggrapparsi ad essa e afferrarla come una cannuccia.

In this case, you’re sure that you can’t make it without them. You need them like you need the air to breathe and that’s exactly what’s unhealthy about your style of attachment.

Che cos'è la teoria dell'attaccamento?

La teoria dell'attaccamento afferma che l'adulto stile di attacco è influenzato esclusivamente dal tipo di legame emotivo che si è instaurato con il proprio caregiver primario. In breve, si sostiene che il rapporto che si è avuto con i propri genitori determina ogni altra relazione che si avrà in seguito nella vita.

La teoria è stata originariamente suggerita da John Bowlby, psicoanalista e psichiatra, negli anni Ottanta.

Quattro stili di attacco

Secondo la teoria dell'attaccamento, esistono quattro diversi stili di attaccamento negli adulti e ognuno di essi corrisponde a stili di attaccamento nei bambini. Eccoli:

Sicuro

You don’t allow your insecurities to get to you. In fact, you’re extremely confident when it comes to your relationship.

You don’t let doubts get the best of you and you’re never needy.

If all of this is true, your style of attachment is definitely secure. It can only be a good sign: a sign that you’ve had an intense emotional connection with your primary caregivers. It taught you how to express love, how to recognize it, and how not to get too attached.

Ansioso-preoccupato/ Ansioso-ambivalente

Questo stile è il primo della lista di stili di attaccamento insicuri.

Gli adulti con uno stile ansioso-preoccupato hanno probabilmente avuto a che fare con genitori incoerenti quando erano bambini.

The moment you start thinking about yourself, you’re overwhelmed by negative thoughts. But you’re not like that with others. Actually, you see all of their qualities and consequently assume that everyone is better than you.

You’re an overthinker and you keep on analyzing every single detail regarding your partner, in fear that he’s about to leave you behind. This is the main characteristic of an anxious-preoccupied or stile ambivalente.

Even if it’s all butterflies and roses, you can’t fight the idea that your partner will walk out on you. You picture different scenarios and look for ways in which he could turn his back on you.

Amore evitante

Le persone con un stile di attaccamento evitante won’t allow themselves to depend on anyone. They’ve been through a lot and every time they thought they could count on someone, they ended up betrayed.

Their independence and liberty are the number one priority. They couldn’t stand being caged, even though we’re talking about a golden cage.

Ansioso-evitante/ Pauroso-evitante/ Disorganizzato

Se avete questo stile di attaccamento, you’re afraid of intimacy. No, I’m not talking about the bedroom activity here.

Instead, I’m talking about fully exposing yourself spiritually to your partner. Just the possibility of having to open up to others might scare you.

This doesn’t mean that you’re not on the dating market anymore. You’re 100% percent invested while it’s all fun and games but the moment things get a little more serious- you run for your life.

Per concludere:

You’ve learned everything there is to know about emotional attachment and you’ve figured out the signs a guy is emotionally attached to you. What more could a girl in a modern dating pool ask for?

Well, using this new knowledge wisely would be desirable. Trust me: if you play your cards right, and I’m sure that’s exactly what you’ll do- every il ragazzo impazzirà per te.

Inoltre, questa è l'occasione migliore per guarire dai vecchi traumi da attaccamento e ricominciare da capo.