6 modi per superare la paura dopo una violenza domestica

Abuso domestico is a hot topic nowadays. Even if you think it doesn’t happen a lot, the numbers tell a different story.

Secondo una ricerca, negli Stati Uniti ogni nove secondi una donna viene uccisa dal proprio partner. 

I don’t need to mention that there are women who never ask for help and who are not even in the system.

Detto questo, il numero di donne maltrattate è ancora più alto.

E sapete cosa? È devastante. Le vittime di violenza domestica e di abusi emotivi hanno bisogno di molto tempo per rimettersi in carreggiata.

Hanno bisogno di tutto l'aiuto possibile per riuscirci. 

Quindi, prima di giudicare qualcuno o di pensare negativamente a lui, informatevi sulla sua vita.

We all cope up with our problems in different ways and the last thing we should do is judge each other. If you can’t help, don’t do anything at all. 

Violenza domestica Le vittime sono persone che sono state spezzate sia fisicamente che emotivamente.

They believe they’ll never be the old version of themselves again and that it was their fault or at least partly.

Molte donne che sono fuggite da relazioni di abuso mi hanno detto che erano convinte di aver fatto qualcosa di male. 

They each thought that their partner’s behavior was bad because they didn’t know how to make him happy. But that’s not true. 

Your partner shouldn’t beat the hell out of you if you didn’t make lunch.

He shouldn’t yell at you and gaslight you just because you don’t agree with what he thinks.

He shouldn’t make you addicted to him and isolate you from your family and friends. 

Because that’s not love. That is abuse. And it’s not healthy. 

If you are familiar with all that’s written above and if you have gone through the hell of domestic violence, I’ll try to comfort you and give you some advice on how to overcome the fear.

Spero che alcune di queste cose vi aiutino ad andare avanti e a iniziare un nuovo capitolo della vostra vita.

1. It wasn’t your fault 

The very first thing you need to remember is that it wasn’t your fault.

The abuse you’ve gone through only says something about your abuser and not about you. You were just a victim, a woman in love who couldn’t leave for a large amount of reasons. 

Just know that you gave everything to make it work. But it was in vain because the other side didn’t want to collaborate.

You need to know that you weren’t the guilty one and you shouldn’t let anyone convince you of the opposite. 

Once you accept the fact that you couldn’t do anything but leave, you’ll be one step closer to healing.

2. Perdonarli 

Don’t do it because they deserve it but because you deserve peace. Once you let go of all that toxic energy, you’ll be ready to move on.

Dovete decidere fermamente che volete una vita migliore per voi stessi. 

Dovreste mettere voi stessi al primo posto e iniziare a lavorare sulla vostra felicità.

Once you forgive your abuser, you won’t think about them so much. By forgiving them, you’ll let go of all the demons that were a part of your life for such a long time. 

And trust me, once you are able to do this, you’ll feel much better in your own skin. You will get nothing from revenge or from wishing them the worst.

Don’t worry, they’ll get what they deserve. There is someone up there who sees it all. And He’ll give us all what we deserve.

3. Cercare una protezione 

Un buon modo per superare la paura dopo essere sopravvissuti a una violenza domestica è ottenere una protezione.

You can ask for legal help and a restraining order. That way, you’ll be much calmer because you’ll know you’re safe. 

Your abuser won’t be able to get close to you and you’ll be able to move on with your life.

Maybe you’ll be so scared that you’ll think he’ll pop up from behind every corner but he won’t.

Once you show him that you have taken all the action you can to protect yourself, he’ll stop fighting it. 

He’ll probably move on to another victim and do the same things to her.

Abusers don’t change so don’t think that he’ll ever become a good man. 

4. Provare la terapia 

Another good way to overcome the fear is to find a professional therapist who’ll help you get rid of it.

That way, you’ll have someone to talk to, someone who’ll listen to you without judging. 

You’ll get all the knowledge you need to heal. This process might take longer than you thought but that’s not so important.

You’re working on yourself and you’re allowed to take as much time as you need. You’ll see that every time you go to therapy, you’ll feel much better. 

That’ll be your safe place where you can totally expose yourself.

That’s the place where you can be as vulnerable as you want. It’s a place where nobody will judge you or do you any harm. 

That’s a place where you will only get the help that you need to start healing so you can move on. 

5. Iscriversi a un corso di arti marziali per l'autodifesa. 

Un ottimo modo per superare la paura dopo una violenza domestica è quello di iscriversi a un corso di arti marziali.

Ci sono sport come la kickboxing, il jiu-jitsu, il krav maga e altri che possono aiutarvi ad avere fiducia in voi stessi. 

After you start training, you’ll be more enthusiastic and you’ll know you did something good for yourself.

Also, you’ll feel more powerful and you’ll know that you can defend yourself if someone attacks you. 

Anche se si tratta solo di un piccolo passo avanti, per voi sarà un passo da gigante.

You’ll see that after some time you won’t feel any fear and that you’ll be surprised how much better you feel mentally. 

Inoltre, è possibile che durante la formazione si incontrino altre vittime di violenza domestica.

Potete aiutarvi ed essere presenti l'uno per l'altro. Questo significherà molto per ognuno di voi. 

6. Circondarsi di persone di cui ci si fida 

Once you escape a domestic violence relationship, it’ll be hard for you to trust someone after that.

That’s why you should surround yourself with people you trust the most. If you have the need, you can ask your best friend to stay at your place for a couple of days.

That’ll help you feel safer. You’ll know someone is always there for you and that nothing bad can happen to you.

After some time, you’ll feel better and you’ll be able to live on your own. 

You won’t be scared that he’ll come and do you harm. You’ll be totally recovered and you’ll never let any man treat you like that.