Prima di giudicarla per essere rimasta con chi l'ha maltrattata, sappiate questo

You just can’t understand why these women stay with their abusers. You can wrap your mind around it, but you’ll never understand it if it doesn’t happen to you.

You can’t understand that these women were imprisoned. They were manipulated and they were used.

Hanno subito tutti gli abusi possibili: emozionale, physical, sexual…you name it. So next time you ask someone why she stayed with him, remember that an enormous amount of abuse and pain changed them.

Constant abuse can break you to the point that you can’t recognise yourself anymore.

It can happen to anyone. You may be as strong as you like, but if you fall in love with an abuser, you’re basically una persona distrutta or you’re about to be.

You can’t recognize them and you can’t spend your whole life afraid that you might fall for someone like that. But, what you can do is watch out the red flags that will show you he might be a type of a man you have to run away from as soon as possible.

Gli abusatori sono ovunque.

They are so common and you’ve probably had to deal with a man like this at least once or you’re dealing with him now. They present themselves as charming and basically irresistible.

Si insinuano nella vostra pelle. Ti conquistano e ti fanno innamorare dell'immagine di uomo che hanno creato nella tua mente.

But it’s just an image because the reality is completely opposite from what’s before you.

Vi usano emotivamente. Ti prosciugano l'ultimo atomo di energia. Ti lasciano rotto e abbattuti, e poi prendono il controllo completo di voi.

Then they own you because it’s so easy to rule the mind which has been brainwashed. It’s so easy to take control of someone who has lost everything they believed in, someone who has started to doubt themselves for everything they do.

This didn’t happen overnight. They planned for it to happen.

It’s all just the part of their plan. At first they are so perfect that it’s surreal. Then, when you let your guard down, the process begins.

First, lying and making up excuses which make no sense, but they do it like they’re the most sensible things you’ve ever heard. Then, manipulating and putting the blame on you.

Dopodiché, vi gasano e cercano di farvi impazzire. Ti fanno credere a cose che non sono mai accadute, così smetti di fidarti di te stesso e inizi a fidarti completamente di loro stessi.

Poi bisogna toccare il fondo.

After this, you’re empty inside. You’re empty and destroyed. You’ve lost the true sense of yourself.

You have no respect for yourself whatsoever and you hate yourself for what you’ve become. When you have no reason left to live, you’re either going to wish for everything to end or you’re going to start looking for a way out.

But, still you won’t be able to find one.

You can ask your friends for support. You can talk to them, but them saying to get out and asking what you are still doing with him won’t magically help you.

It won’t make it easier for you to leave. It’s easy to say that. t’s completely different to actually do it.

Il percorso di guarigione è lungo ma vale la pena percorrerlo.

After you leave, you can’t just decide to get better. You’re haunted by horrible memories.

You can’t sleep at night because the only thing you dream about is him and his abuse. You’re afraid to get close to other people because every time you meet someone new, you’re expecting the worst.

You’re expecting him to be the same as he was.

La guarigione richiede tempo. Dovete lasciare che il tempo guarisca le vostre ferite. Dovete lasciare che il vostro cuore si stabilizzi e smetta di essere vulnerabile.

You have to forgive yourself and let your guard down. You have to understand that it wasn’t your fault, that you did nothing wrong.

Devi recuperare il rispetto per te stesso e devi pensare a te stesso come facevi prima. Solo il tempo può darti questo.

You have to decide that he won’t be the person who will mark the rest of your life. You have to keep on writing the story of your life the way you want.

You have to stop defining yourself by what you’ve been through. Your life doesn’t end there. It keeps on going if you decide so.