Come lasciare un narcisista... in un unico pezzo

Porre fine a una relazione con un compagno narcisista può essere molto più impegnativo che non chiamarsi fuori e rifiutarsi di rispondere al telefono. Ai narcisisti non piace perdere. E non amano perdere il partner.

To understand the difficulty, one must first understand how a narcissist’s mind operates, and the best way to sum it up is – egocentrismo esteso. Whereas it’s human nature to consider our own needs first (whether we like to admit it or not), a narcissist takes this self-centeredness to the extreme. So much so, in fact, that other people are considered merely estensioni di sé che servono a far sentire questa persona completa e a facilitare i suoi progetti.

In other words, everyone in the narcissist’s world lives only to serve the needs of the narcissist. If, at any time, these le persone diventano compiacenti, unwilling, or unable to do so, they will be quickly discarded. This means, an individual with this behavioral disorder may cheat, lie, steal, commit fraud, use substances – and will likely do all of the above – and it must be tolerated.

So, what happens if it’s not?

Se non siete sicuri che l'altra persona che vi sta facendo del male sia un narcisistaprovare a lasciarli. Vedete cosa succede. Vi accorgerete subito che lo sono, se lo sono davvero. Questo perché i narcisisti non possono semplicemente lasciar perdere e andare avanti. Perdere voi significa perdere una parte utilizzabile di sé.

So, you can expect this partner to do a variety of underhanded things all meant for one ultimate purpose – to destroy you. If you try to leave, the narcissist will say and do anything and everything possible to convince you they are sorry for their faults and willing to change – just long enough for you to return. Then, they’re able to scartare (anziché il contrario) in un ultimo atto finale destinato a garantirvi di rimanere senza nessuno o qualcosa di importante nella vostra vita.

To accomplish this, the master-manipulator won’t beg, cry, pout, and deliver flowers – at least, not for long. Instead, they will Hoover – ever so subtly interjecting themselves time and again into your life, poking and prodding, so as not to be forgotten.

Narcissists can’t be alone. Therefore, they may “go away” for a period of time to focus on new prey – or, rather, old prey, since this individual was likely there all along. Then, just when you think you’re rid of them, they will return and try to get you to give in, so they can complete their gioco sadico.

Inoltre, mentre vi corteggiano e corteggiano un'altra persona, impiegano una viziosa campagna diffamatoria alle vostre spalle per non lasciarvi nulla. Ciò significa che saranno impegnati a contattare segretamente tutti i membri della vostra cerchia e a convincerli a schierarsi con loro. Diranno e faranno di tutto per convincere le persone più vicine a voi a credergli.

Not only will the narcissist try to make all of your friends and family turn against you, but this person will try to get you to lose your job, your home, your finances, and any thread of stability you have left. This won’t be too difficult, actually, since chances are, your partner began stripping these things away from you long ago. Narcissists work tirelessly toward having their mates be entirely dependent on their support right from the beginning.

Mind you, this is all happening while your former partner is also trying to convince you, straight-faced, you are the best thing that’s ever happened to them and they absolutely can’t live without you. If you give in to the lies and return, vi scarteranno. E, dato che erano davvero l'unica cosa che vi era rimasta, non vi rimarrà assolutamente nulla. Il gioco è finito.

Quindi, come si fa a lasciare un narcisista? Quietly, quickly, and without even saying goodbye. There may be a million things you want to call this person out on, but it’s simply not worth it. The best thing you can do for your own sanity and well-being is to leave and go entirely no contact to the best of your ability. Refuse any further advances, cut ties with all the mutual acquaintances you can, Rimanete forti e non guardate mai indietro.

The sobering reality is, once you have entered into a partnership with a narcissist, you will forever be in this partnership whether you want to be or not. But, you can minimize this pain by taking the steps to distance yourself as much as possible – a prescindere da tutto.

L'inferno non ha furia come una donna disprezzata? L'inferno non vede l'ira di un narcisista ferito.