Dice che ha bisogno di tempo, quanto devo aspettare?
Prima di tutto: non c'è bisogno di preoccuparsi e di essere ansiosi se al momento vi trovate in una situazione di "bisogno di spazio" con la vostra ragazza.
The probability that it means the end of the relationship is low – it’s more likely that she’s actually trying to make your relationship work by giving the both of you a chance to think about it. That, or she’s going through some personal stuff.
The chances of a breakup are low, but not zero, so if you had done something that could cause her to consider a breakup, you’d probably already have a pretty good idea of what’s going on. In that case, Se volete salvare la vostra relazione, iniziate a lavorare sulle vostre scuse, e fatelo sul serio.
So, if you hadn’t messed up in some way, you’re thinking, “If she says she needs time, how long should I wait before contacting my girlfriend?” Truthfully, you should wait as long as you’re willing to wait for her.
Let’s see what that means, how to know what’s on her mind and what you should do.
Dice che ha bisogno di tempo, quanto devo aspettare?
Quando la vostra ragazza vi dice che ha bisogno di un po' di spazio, vi trovate inevitabilmente di fronte a un dilemma: fate come dice lei e rispettate la sua volontà di stare lontano o le dimostrate che ci tenete contattandola?
Si dovrebbe sempre scegliere la prima opzione.
If she’s honest about needing space, she’ll appreciate that you’re taking her wishes seriously instead of disrespecting her boundaries. If she’s testing you to see if you’ll fight for her in some imaginary struggle, you’re refusing to play her games and base your relationship on deception.
When you decide to give her the space she needs, you’re now in another predicament. “She says she needs time. How long should I wait?” you’re probably thinking. Questo tipo di ha una risposta chiara: da una settimana a un mese.
She might contact you sooner, and it’s possible that she might need longer than a month, but the longer it takes, the more likely it is that she doesn’t want to stay in the relationship. But it’s ‘kind of’ because the answer to this question still depends on a number of factors which only you know.
• How new is the relationship? If you’ve been together for a while, you might be able to figure out what she wants.
• Have you been having relationship problems? What happened before she asked for time?
• How strong is your connessione emotiva? Siete onesti e sinceri l'uno con l'altro?
• How do you feel about her and do you know how she feels about you? Don’t look for a solution by thinking in terms of what women want, but consider what lei vuole.
• How much do you trust her? Do you believe that she’ll come back?
• Did you do anything to hurt her?
Riflettete attentamente su queste domande, poi aspettate il tempo che ritenete necessario.
Taking some time for yourself isn’t a bad thing. Un po' di spazio è salutare in una relazioneMa quando lei chiede la distanza, la cosa ti spaventa perché ti fa temere che voglia lasciarti.
When she talks to you about needing time, it’s a good idea to ask her how much time she needs and what does spazio medio a lei. Lei e voi potreste avere idee diverse su cosa significhi: forse intende vedersi meno o non vedersi affatto.
Se volete un relazione sana, you’ll take her wishes into account. Don’t make her explain why, but ask her how she wants you to deal with it. Maybe your girlfriend wants occasional contact, maybe she wants none.
Lasciatele il tempo di occuparsi di ciò di cui ha bisogno e poi, dopo il periodo di tempo che ha detto di volere, contattatela. If she still needs time, don’t try to pressure her, but give her the additional time she needs.
Cosa intende quando dice che ha bisogno di tempo?
Cercare di capire cosa non è stato detto può facilmente complicare la vostra vita di coppia. Quando la tua ragazza dice che ha bisogno di tempo, cosa intende? Of course, the best way to find out is through honest communication, but if she’s not ready to talk about it, you’re left with worry.
Esaminate questo elenco di possibili motivi per cui potrebbe bisogno di tempo pensare a come è la vostra relazione. You’ll be able to find a lot of clues for what the real answer is if you closely think about your particular circumstances.
1. Ha bisogno di tempo per se stessa
Sometimes when she says she needs alone time, she just needs some alone time and it has nothing to do with you or anyone else. When she needs space because she’s busy, has a lot on her plate or she’s simply tired, sometimes that’s all there is to it. There’s no need to complicate the situation.
2. Ha problemi personali non legati a voi
Potrebbe avere problemi con la famiglia, qualcosa sul lavoro o lottare con problemi di salute mentale, quindi ha bisogno di tempo per affrontarli. There’s no need to be hurt that she isn’t discussing these things with you – maybe her way of working through her problems is that she needs to completely focus on them, so anyone’s help might be unwelcome.
3. Ha bisogno di tempo lontano da voi
If you’ve been coming on too strong, she might be overwhelmed by you. If you spend too much time together, she might need time to feel like an individual instead of always being a part of a couple. Ha bisogno di riacquistare un po' di indipendenza.
It might be tempting to take this to heart and get angry or offended, but accepting each other’s boundaries is part of a healthy relationship. Right now she’s setting hers, so by respecting them, you’re creating a basis of a successful relationship.
4. She thinks you’re moving too fast
Examine your behavior. Have you placed responsibility for your feelings on her? Did you say ‘I love you’ after you’ve been dating for a month? Are you looking at her for validation instead of having confidence in your self-worth?
Quando qualcuno è bisognoso e insicurotendono ad affezionarsi troppo rapidamente ai loro partner romantici. You need to think hard about your behavior to figure out if you’ve been acting that way. If you have, use the time apart to start working on your self-esteem.
5. She’s angry with you
Have you done something and when you tried to ask her to forgive you, all she said was “I need space?” If she’s angry with you, don’t just wait for her to forgive you and come back. Dovete riflettere sulle vostre azioni, pensare a come l'avete ferita, decidere come farsi perdonare e preparare le scuse.
When you apologize, you must mean it and accept responsibility for what you’ve done. You must be prepared to make changes.
6. She thinks it’s you who needs time
Dicendole che ha bisogno di tempo, potrebbe in realtà concederti del tempo perché pensa che tu abbia bisogno di lavorare su alcune cose. Potreste essere bloccati da una ex, potreste avere problemi a impegnarvi, potreste fare ripetutamente cose che lei vi chiede di non fare.
Think about what led to her asking for space – probabilmente vi ha già detto qual era il problema.
7. She doesn’t know how to talk to you
She might have a problem she doesn’t know how to talk about or she’s afraid of how you might react. If you don’t know come comunicare efficacemente con l'altro, può causare molti problemi nella vostra relazione.
Entrambi dovete imparare a parlarvi. It starts by listening and looking to understand each other without judgment. Let her know that you’re willing to listen.
8. She doesn’t want a serious relationship
If you’ve only been dating for a while and you made it clear you want something serious, she might need time to think about it. Commitment is a big step which shouldn’t be taken lightly.
It might be too soon or she’s not looking for a serious relationship right now, so it’s better to take a step back to make sure you’re on the same page. If your values aren’t the same, there’s a chance that things won’t work out, so don’t uninstall your online dating apps just yet.
9. She’s unsure of her feelings
It’s perfectly normal to have doubts about your feelings. Realizing how you feel about someone is sometimes easier when you’re apart. If she’s not sure about how she feels about you and your relationship, she made the decision to take some time and think about it.
Don’t push and make her decide right away. Datele la possibilità di dare un senso ai suoi sentimenti e di capire cosa vuole veramente.
10. She’s unhappy in your relationship
Come trattate la vostra ragazza? Siate onesti con voi stessi e pensate se le date regolarmente affetto, se le dimostrate che la apprezzate e se vi impegnate per far funzionare la vostra relazione.
If she thinks you’ve been taking her for granted or that you don’t listen to her, she’s infelice nella sua relazione e deve fare un passo indietro. Questa è la tua occasione per impegnarti a fare dei cambiamenti se vuoi tenerla.
11. Vuole decidere se la vostra relazione ne vale la pena.
Relationships have their ups and downs. At the end of the day, it’s important that there are more good than bad things about it because otherwise, what’s the point? Se la vostra relazione vi rende infelici e non vi rende felici, perché restare?
Se la vostra ragazza sta cercando di capire cosa prova per la vostra relazione, ha bisogno di tempo per soppesare i pro e i contro e confrontarsi con se stessa.
12. She’s interested in someone else
Your girlfriend might be interested in someone else, but if that option isn’t secure, she’s keeping you on the hook in case things don’t work out with them.
Have you ever noticed that she’s showing interest in someone else, such as talking to them online a lot or talking about them like she can’t help herself but bring them up? If you figure out for sure that you’re just a fallback for her, it’s best to move on.
13. She’s playing games
She might be testing you or trying to gain the upper hand in the relationship. If she’s manipulative and does things to ensure that she has all the power, asking for space might be one of her tactics.
Someone like this isn’t really interested in you, only in what you can give them. Se she’s playing games with you, she doesn’t take you seriously, so think honestly about her behavior so far and you’ll be able to tell if she has feelings for you or if she’s just using you.
14. She’s thinking of ending things
Maybe she’s not 100% sure that she wants to break up, but she’s considering it, so she might be taking time to think about it and see what it’s like to be on her own. Se pensate alla vostra relazione, potreste trovare alcuni indizi che indicano che questo sta accadendo.
Le cose sono state difficili? È chiaramente infelice? È stata distante anche prima di chiedere tempo? Questi potrebbero essere segnali del fatto che vuole uscire dalla relazione.
15. She’s thinks she’s letting you down gently
Purtroppo, a volte il bisogno di tempo è un codice per lasciarvi senza dirlo. Invece di dirvi che vuole rottura, she’s letting things fade away. The reason she’s doing it might be because she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, or she’s being cowardly and letting time do what she should do herself.
RELATIVO: 8 modi per dare spazio a qualcuno e mantenerlo al vostro fianco
Cosa fare quando una ragazza dice di aver bisogno di tempo per pensare?
I seguenti consigli sulle relazioni si applicano a qualsiasi situazione: una relazione di lunga durata, una relazione a distanza o una nuova relazione. Your best bet for a positive outcome is if you show her care, honesty and respect, and don’t try to force anything.
You’ll achieve that by following these tips.
1. Datele tempo e spazio
If your girlfriend asks you to give her space, then you should give her space. If you refuse, thinking that you must keep her close, you’ll make her uncomfortable and push her away for sure. By respecting her wishes, you’re showing that you respect lei.
Chiedetele di dirvi di quanto tempo pensa di aver bisogno e di quanto spazio ha bisogno, ma don’t interrogate her, make her explain why and give you any definite answers because she doesn’t have them either.
2. Don’t pressure her
Quindi hai detto ok e hai accettato di lasciarla in pace per un po' di tempo. Even though you want to make things better and get her to spend time with you again, don’t try to force it. If she told you that it’s okay to contact her, you don’t have to follow the ‘no contact rule’.
You can keep in touch, but don’t call and text her all the time. Don’t be desperate e pregarla di farla finita. Don’t try to impress her so that she’ll want to come back. If she’s not ready for a relationship, trying to make her change her mind, guilt-trip her or tell you when she’ll be done taking her time, you’re only prolonging it
3. Don’t think of it as a breakup
If this is the first time you’ve been in this situation, you might be worried that this is really a breakup or that it’s inevitable. Don’t get angry and make any rash decisions. C'è qualche possibilità che lo sia, ma prima di decidere di pensare a lei come a una tua ex, pensa se hai motivo di crederlo.
È successo qualcosa o hai fatto qualcosa che le ha fatto desiderare di lasciarti? If you can’t think of anything, then give her the benefit of the doubt. If you trust her, trust what she’s saying. If you don’t trust her, think about why that is and what you can do to change it. Use this time wisely.
4. Riflettere sulla propria relazione
A meno che non abbia bisogno di tempo per lavorare su questioni personali, questa situazione ha a che fare con la vostra relazione. Tempo e spazio non farà magicamente sparire i vostri problemi, ma può dare a entrambi la possibilità di riflettere su voi stessi, sui vostri problemi e su come avete contribuito a crearli.
Dovete partecipare alla ricerca di soluzioni ai vostri problemi esaminando con onestà come è la vostra relazione e come potete migliorarla. Unless you openly admit to yourself what your role in your relationship problems is in the first place, you can’t figure out what doesn’t work and how to fix it.
5. Lavorare su se stessi
While she’s taking her time, you shouldn’t sit around waiting. Instead, make an effort to diventare una versione migliore di se stessi. Anche se potrebbe essere impossibile subire una trasformazione che cambia la vita in un periodo di tempo così breve, si può comunque ottenere molto.
Cercate di individuare gli aspetti di voi stessi che volete migliorare e imparate ad avvicinarvi a ciò che volete essere. This doesn’t have to be related to your relationship.
For example, if you want to be more confident, learn how you can do it by watching videos on a YouTube channel or reading articles and books. Doing this won’t turn you into someone perfectly confident overnight, but vi fornirà l'ispirazione e gli strumenti necessari. Ora non vi resta che impegnarvi e continuare a farlo.
6. Trascorrere del tempo con altre persone
If you’re used to spending time with your girlfriend, you could get lonely if you suddenly have a lot of time for yourself. Sfruttate il tempo che vi separa dalla vostra ragazza per riallacciare i rapporti con le persone della vostra vita.
Invece di crogiolarsi nell'autocommiserazione, chiamate il vostro migliore amico e pensate a qualcosa di divertente da fare. Visitare i familiari e uscire con gli amici will help you get out of your head and stop worrying about what’s going on.
7. Don’t stalk her
It’s normal that you follow your girlfriend on social media and there’s no need for this to change, but don’t check up on her. There’s no need to ignore it when she updates, but don’t comment and like her posts. Don’t follow her around social mediacontrollando la sua attività e monitorando le persone con cui interagisce.
Don’t show up in places you know she’s going to be and try to make it seem like you ran into her by chance. The more you try to push her, the more she’ll withdraw. By keeping a close eye on her, you’re only giving yourself anxiety without achieving anything with her.
8. Rimanere fedeli
Se aprite Tinder alla ricerca di un appuntamento nel momento in cui la vostra ragazza vi chiede spazio, dovreste riconsiderare la vostra relazione con lei. Maybe this is an opportunity to change your habits and get out of the relationship if you’re not happy.
On the other hand, if you know you want to be with her, then make sure that your actions are in line with your wishes. It’s normal to be upset and miss her, but you must not let your feelings do something you might regret. Stay loyal to her in every way so that when you’re reunited, you don’t have anything to hide.
9. Essere un partner migliore quando torna
First of all, you should be prepared to have an open conversation with her. Talk about the reasons she needed space if they’re related to you or your relationship, share what you’ve figured out and how you both plan to go on.
If her reason for taking time was personal, offer to listen if she wants to talk about it. Listen to her concerns and commit to improving your relationship. If she was feeling bad because of your actions, make sure you’re serious about not doing it again.
Tell her of any issues you might have, but don’t accuse her or get angry. If something in your relationship wasn’t working, you both have to decide to work on it.
RELATIVO: 10 segni di bisogno di spazio nella vostra relazione e perché è una cosa positiva
Per riassumere
Relationships are complicated, but never more than when you’re unsure of where you stand and what you should do. As long as you have good intentions and want to do what’s best for your relationship, you can feel real struggle thinking, “She says she needs time, how long should I wait?”
It’s understandable: you want to respect your girlfriend’s wishes, but you don’t want your relationship to fade away if you wait too long. Generally, having to wait for over a month isn’t a good sign, but even three months of space have been known to save marriages.
She might need time and space for a number of reasons, but you’re the one who can best figure out which one applies to your situation based on how your relationship so far looks like, her behavior and your own actions.
Qualunque cosa tu faccia, don’t try to force it – this will only drive her away. Instead, work on yourself so that when she comes back, you have a chance to contribute more to your relationship. Good luck!
