Cause, sintomi e trattamento del disturbo ossessivo dell'amore

Il disturbo ossessivo d'amore è molto diverso dalla tipica infatuazione o dall'amore romantico. In parole povere, si tratta di una fissazione per il proprio interesse romantico.

You just think that you’re in love with this special someone, but you’re actually obsessed with them in an unhealthy way.

La gelosia possessiva, il desiderio di controllare l'oggetto del vostro affetto e i pensieri maniacali su di lui vi travolgono.

Anche se l'OLD non rientra nel Manuale diagnostico e statistico dei disturbi mentali, è certamente un disturbo potenzialmente pericoloso che deve essere preso sul serio.

When you suffer from it, you’re convinced that your obsessive thoughts are real love. You can’t eat, you can’t sleep and all you do is think about your loved one – just like when you’re in love.

Tuttavia, c'è un'enorme differenza tra avere una relazione sana e soffrire di un disturbo ossessivo dell'amore. Ecco le cause, i sintomi e le opzioni di trattamento di questo disturbo mentale.

Cause del disturbo ossessivo dell'amore

You have to be aware of one thing: things that you’re dealing with right now didn’t arise today. They didn’t hit you out of the blue.

In most cases, all of your mental disorders have been there for a while. You just failed to notice them or they didn’t swim up to the surface until now.

Trauma profondamente radicato.

Questo è esattamente il caso del vostro disturbo ossessivo d'amore. La sua causa principale risiede nel vostro radicato traumiprobabilmente di origine infantile.

You might have had a perfectly normal childhood– or at least that’s how things appeared to be. You had enough food, a place to sleep, and a seemingly “normal” family.

Tuttavia, la maggior parte delle persone che sviluppano questo e altri disturbi simili sono state in realtà trascurati emotivamente da bambini.

Maybe you’re not even aware that you feel like your caregivers didn’t love you enough or maybe you were always missing their support.

Or, maybe they pushed you too hard. Is it possible that they’ve always behaved like you failed to meet their expectations?

Well, that is why you keep feeling like you’re not good enough. This is especially the case with the kids whose parents left them behind, but it can also happen to those who had them physically around.

Basically, we all spend our entire lives healing our childhood traumas, and now, you’re trying to get the love you didn’t get back then.

Stile di attaccamento insicuro.

Un'altra causa comune di OLD è la vostra stile di attacco. I’m sure you’ve already heard about all four of them: secure, sprezzante-evitanteansioso-preoccupato e timoroso-evitante.

Se avete un atteggiamento ansioso-preoccupato, ambivalente, o stile di attaccamento insicuroDa bambino, poi, eri costantemente preoccupato che i tuoi genitori ti rifiutassero.

Queste paure continuano a tormentarvi per tutta l'età adulta. Proiettate tutti i vostri traumi sui vostri partner romantici.

Siete talmente ossessionati dalla possibilità che vi lascino che finite in una co-dipendente relazione.

Nel profondo, non vi siete mai fidati dei vostri genitori. Li consideravate inaffidabili e avete passato tutta l'infanzia ad aspettarvi che vi abbandonassero ogni minuto.

Now, when you’re all grown up, this is how you feel about your partner. You question their loyalty and live in constant fear of them walking away from you.

Un passato d'amore infelice.

You know how I told you that everything that’s going on with you now dates back to your past? Well, this doesn’t mean that I’m necessarily talking about your childhood here only.

OLD can be caused by your love life history as well. If you’ve spent your share of time in a matrimonio senza amore or in abusive relationships – this is the key to your problem.

The same way some parents treated their kids, that’s exactly how your partners from the past treated you. They made you feel unloved, unwanted, and not good enough.

This is especially true if you’ve experienced infidelity from your loved one. Consequently, you start to believe that all women or men are the same.

Quindi, vi aspettate che ogni persona che entra nella vostra vita abbia gli stessi modelli comportamentali.

If your ex had considered you not enough and looked for the things you couldn’t give them outside of your relationship, then what prevents your next partner from doing the same thing?

Pertanto, non avete altra scelta che fare tutto il possibile per tenerli al vostro fianco.

Disturbo ossessivo-compulsivo.

People suffering from OCD have a tendency of developing OLD. But, I’m talking about real OCD here – not the trend in which everyone who is allergic tend to miss self-diagnose themselves with this disorder.

Esiste anche una cosa chiamata relazione OCD. Basically, here, you have obsessive behaviors and thoughts connected to your relationship. You can’t control either no matter how hard you try.

Erotomania.

Un'altra condizione di salute mentale comune tra le persone con OLD è l'erotomania, che può essere causata dalla schizofrenia o dal disturbo bipolare.

Here, the patient believes they’re in love with a celebrity to the point where they end up having obsessive thoughts about them that they can’t control.

Don’t mistake this with being someone’s biggest fan. You can be fascinated by their career or even see them as a role model.

Tuttavia, quando si soffre di erotomania, si sviluppa una sorta di disturbo ossessivo-compulsivo per il proprio interesse amoroso.

Non solo: vi convincete anche che questa persona provi dei forti sentimenti per voi.

Anche se il vostro oggetto d'amore è chiaramente irraggiungibile per voi, continuate a credere che voi due siate destinati a stare insieme e che questo sia vero amore.

In some extreme cases, patients start stalking their love interest or even become violent when they don’t reciprocate their love.

Disturbo borderline di personalità

Il Disturbo Borderline di Personalità spesso si accompagna al VECCHIO. È caratterizzato da instabilità emotiva, comune a chi soffre di VECCHIAIA.

In fact, fear of abandonment is both of these mental health disorder’s number one symptom.

Insicurezza.

You don’t have to suffer from a mental health condition to develop OLD. In fact, this disorder is sometimes caused by seemingly small things.

Low self-esteem is common for everyone suffering from an obsessive love disorder. Your insecurities might have different underlying causes, but they’re always there.

Tuttavia, nella maggior parte dei casi, questo non è così evidente. Anzi, potreste addirittura interpretare il ruolo di un individuo sicuro di sé che non mostra alcun segno di insicurezza.

It’s not that you only lie to others about this – you’re not being honest towards yourself either.

Vi rifiutate di affrontare i vostri problemi di bassa autostima perché sapete che guardare la verità negli occhi vi spezzerebbe.

Il problema è che, nel profondo, il vostro subconscio narcisistico pensa che la persona amata sia migliore di voi.

You see yourself as replaceable and not worthy of their love and attention, so you do everything you can to devalue them. After all, that is the only way in which you two can be on the same level, isn’t it?

Not only that: you also think that you’ll never find someone else if they leave you. You see yourself as non amabile and you don’t think you deserve happiness.

So, it doesn’t matter how your significant other treats you – you keep seeing them as a jackpot. After all, they’re the only one who agreed on being with you.

Quali sono i sintomi del disturbo ossessivo dell'amore?

Anche se ogni persona è unica, esistono alcuni modelli comportamentali comuni a tutti i soggetti affetti da OLD. Queste sono le bandiere rosse a cui prestare attenzione se si sospetta di avere questa condizione.

Gelosia estrema.

One of the first symptoms of obsessive love disorder is uncontrollable jealousy. But, I’m not talking about cute, typical jealousy here that all couples in love have.

I’m talking about gelosia malsana che vi travolge e si impadronisce completamente dei vostri pensieri.

Gelosia ossessiva

The name speaks for itself: you’re obsessed with the fact that your significant other is doing something behind your back.

Vede tutti come una minaccia: gli amici, i colleghi, i conoscenti e letteralmente ogni singola persona con cui comunica.

Ogni volta che escono senza di voi, manifestate diversi tipi di comportamenti ossessivi. Pensate alla possibilità che si innamorino di qualcun altro.

You’re constantly worried that they’ll find someone better than you and that they’ll replace you in the blink of an eye.

You check their phone, looking for suspicious text messages, you follow them around and you’re always in search of some kind of evidence.

Gelosia delirante

Esiste anche una cosa chiamata gelosia delirante o morbosa, che è ancora più grave.

Questo disturbo si accompagna talvolta ad altre malattie mentali, come l'erotomania, la schizofrenia o il disturbo bipolare.

In the case of delusional disorder, you’re jealous of “your” celebrity’s loved one and life that doesn’t include you.

Nevertheless, morbid jealousy also happens in real relationships. Basically, you’re convinced that your partner is unfaithful despite not having any proof or facts for your doubts.

Si inventano scenari impossibili per sostenere la propria ossessione. Si diventa paranoici e si trasforma l'intera vita in una ricerca di prove per le proprie affermazioni deliranti.

Disturbo dell'attaccamento.

It’s perfectly normal to be emotionally attached to your partner – after all, that’s a part of every romantic relationship.

Tuttavia, quando si soffre di OLD, si manifestano i segni di un disturbo da attaccamento malsano, che è anche una malattia mentale.

Your significant other is the center of your Universe. You’re only happy when they’re around and you don’t care about anything happening outside of your relationship.

You’re not just emotionally dependent on them – you’ve also developed a form of addiction. You couldn’t imagine spending a day without this person since they’re the only ones giving your life meaning.

Everything besides them is pointless, and you put all of your focus and effort into maintaining this relationship. It’s your cause of existence and the only reason to breathe.

Pensieri ossessivi.

What if my boyfriend or girlfriend leaves me? Do they really love me? What if they’re seeing someone else? How can I prevent them from walking away from me?

Do these questions sound familiar? Don’t get me wrong: we all have similar thoughts when our relationship enters a crisis.

However, you’re different. These thoughts appear in your mind out of nowhere, even if everything is going smoothly.

Your partner is all you can think about, but you don’t think much about their well-being: your entire focus is on their presence in your life.

And, the worst part is that you can’t control your mind – it goes the other way around.
Beh, se questo non è un segno evidente di un VECCHIO, allora cos'è?

Possessività.

C'è un'enorme differenza tra gelosia e possessività. When you’re jealous, your biggest fear is your partner’s infidelity.

You don’t want to lose them to another man or woman, and you will do everything in your power to prevent that from happening.

However, when you’re possessive, you want this person for yourself only.

You don’t like your significant other’s friends and family members simply because they give them the attention that should be reserved for you only.

Se dipendesse da voi, lascerebbero il lavoro. Non avrebbero hobby o interessi al di fuori della vostra relazione.

Dovrebbero smettere di esistere come individui e investire tutte le loro energie nell'essere la vostra ragazza o il vostro ragazzo.

After all, that’s how you roll, so why wouldn’t they? It would be best if you could become this person’s only preoccupation.

Desiderio di controllo.

The next on the list of symptoms of obsessive love disorder is the fact that you’re a control freak.

I hate to break it to you, but you’re not your partner’s caregiver nor are they a little child without any proper decision-making skills.

Let’s be honest: you’re masking your real intentions here.

You go under false pretenses that you’re just trying to protect them from everything bad in this harsh world and act like you’re just worried about their well being.

You pretend that you’re taking over a part of their burden while you’re actually prendere il controllo nel corso della loro vita, passo dopo passo.

Volete che il vostro partner viva la sua vita a modo vostro. In pratica, questo significa che deve seguire i vostri ordini senza fare domande inutili.

After all, you know what’s best for them, don’t you?

In cerca di rassicurazioni.

We’ve already established a fact that you’re insecure and that you’re trying to heal your insecurity in all the wrong ways – through your romantic relationships.

When you suffer from this mental disorder, you’re constantly seeking reassurance from your partner.

You ask them questions, such as: “Do you love me?” “Could you live without me?” “What would you do if we broke up?”

Non importa come vi trattano o cosa fanno per dimostrarvi il loro amore, non vi fidate mai fino in fondo. Anche se è evidente quanto siete importanti per il vostro partner, i vostri dubbi vincono sempre.

The worst thing is that there is no right answer to either of these questions – at least not the one that would leave you satisfied.

Maybe they’re not telling you how much they love you as often as you would like to hear it. Or, you’re not happy with the tone of their voice.

Questo sintomo, da solo, può essere un segno di ansia da relazione. Tuttavia, se si manifestano anche altri segni, una cosa è certa: si soffre di VECCHIAIA.

Incapacità di accettare il rifiuto.

You don’t have to actually be in a romantic relationship in order to show red flags of obsessive love disorder. It’s enough for you to have a crush on someone and for that person to reject you.

Let’s be real: nobody likes hearing “no” for an answer. It’s not pleasant to find out that the person you like doesn’t like you back.

Questa consapevolezza schiaccia la nostra autostima e può far sentire tutti infelici per un po'. Tuttavia, che ci piaccia o no, queste cose accadono.

Usually, people in this situation feel bad for some time, but eventually move on. You have to accept that someone isn’t attracted to you or simply doesn’t want to give you a chance.

But, not you. You refuse to grasp this idea and you’re completely unable to take rejection. Ironically, when it happens, your feelings for this person intensify.

Diventate ossessionati da loro e mettete tutte le vostre energie nel tentativo di fargli cambiare idea.

Stalking.

A great number of people suffering from OLD become stalkers at one point in their lives. It doesn’t matter if your love object doesn’t want you or you doubt your partner’s fidelity.

Either way, it’s likely that you’ll invest all of your energy in getting to the bottom of their whereabouts and activities.

You might follow them around or use every opportunity to go through their phone and social media – the bottom line is the same.

Come si cura il disturbo ossessivo dell'amore?

Nessun contatto.

If you want to heal yourself from this mental illness, the first must-do is to cut all possible ties with the object of your infatuation, especially if we’re talking about the person you’re not even romantically involved with.

Fidatevi: non è una persona con cui potete avere una relazione sana.

Non è più possibile apparire nei luoghi in cui si potrebbero incontrare, non è più possibile chiedere di loro agli amici e ai familiari e non è più possibile pedinarli sui social media.

Naturalmente, qualsiasi messaggio o telefonata è fuori discussione.

You’re not doing this to make them feel your absence. You’re doing it to cure yourself.
I know this is the last thing on your mind, but trust me – it’s the only possible option.

Auto-occupazione.

Nel frattempo, dovete tenervi occupati. Concentratevi sull'occuparvi di qualsiasi cosa o persona che non sia il vostro interesse amoroso.

You see, you’ve spent so much time and energy obsessing over this person, so now, you have a lot of empty space in your life.

The second you get bored, you’ll go back to your old ways. That is exactly why you have to find new ways to keep yourself physically and mentally tired.

Find new hobbies, hit the gym, start learning new things, go out with your friends… Do whatever it takes to keep your mind off your obsession.

Psicoterapia.

Chiedere un parere medico per i vostri problemi di salute non è una vergogna. Visitate un professionista o chiamate una linea di emergenza sanitaria se avete la sensazione che il vostro stato stia sfuggendo al vostro controllo.

You’ll get the help you need and experts will present you with different treatment options until you find the one that suits you the best.

When you go to psychotherapy, a mental health professional won’t just handle your symptoms: they will also dig deep inside of you to find the underlying causes of this condition.

La psichiatria sembra spaventosa, ma credetemi: a volte è l'unico posto dove si può imparare a trovare un amore sano in futuro.

There, you’ll be surrounded by experts who will hold your hand along the path of your recovery.
Verranno eseguiti diversi tipi di valutazione per aiutarvi a risolvere il problema a lungo termine.

Farmaci.

Finally, if nothing else helps, you’ll get medication to help you.

However, don’t take any medication without consulting your doctor. Stick to the prescribed dose and I promise you that you’ll feel better in no time.

Per concludere:

I’ll be honest with you: an obsessive love disorder can be a severe condition, but luckily, it can be treated effectively.

The most important thing is that you’re aware that you might have a problem. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here, would you?

It means that you’ve made the first and the hardest step: you faced your condition as much as it scares you. From now on, everything will be much easier and you will heal!