Causas, síntomas y tratamiento del trastorno obsesivo del amor

Un trastorno obsesivo del amor es muy diferente del típico enamoramiento o amor romántico. En palabras sencillas, es una fijación por tu interés romántico.

You just think that you’re in love with this special someone, but you’re actually obsessed with them in an unhealthy way.

Los celos posesivos, el deseo de controlar al objeto de tu afecto y los pensamientos maníacos hacia él te abruman.

Aunque el OLD no figura en el Manual Diagnóstico y Estadístico de los trastornos mentales, se trata sin duda de un trastorno potencialmente peligroso que hay que tomarse en serio.

When you suffer from it, you’re convinced that your obsessive thoughts are real love. You can’t eat, you can’t sleep and all you do is think about your loved one – just like when you’re in love.

Sin embargo, hay una gran diferencia entre tener una relación sana y sufrir un trastorno obsesivo del amor. He aquí las causas, los síntomas y las opciones de tratamiento de este trastorno mental.

Causas del trastorno obsesivo del amor

You have to be aware of one thing: things that you’re dealing with right now didn’t arise today. They didn’t hit you out of the blue.

In most cases, all of your mental disorders have been there for a while. You just failed to notice them or they didn’t swim up to the surface until now.

Trauma profundamente arraigado.

Éste es exactamente el caso de tu trastorno obsesivo del amor. Su causa principal está en tu profundamente arraigada traumasprobablemente de tu infancia.

You might have had a perfectly normal childhood– or at least that’s how things appeared to be. You had enough food, a place to sleep, and a seemingly “normal” family.

Sin embargo, la mayoría de las personas que desarrollan este trastorno y otros similares han sido en realidad desatendidos emocionalmente de niños.

Maybe you’re not even aware that you feel like your caregivers didn’t love you enough or maybe you were always missing their support.

Or, maybe they pushed you too hard. Is it possible that they’ve always behaved like you failed to meet their expectations?

Well, that is why you keep feeling like you’re not good enough. This is especially the case with the kids whose parents left them behind, but it can also happen to those who had them physically around.

Basically, we all spend our entire lives healing our childhood traumas, and now, you’re trying to get the love you didn’t get back then.

Estilo de apego inseguro.

Otra causa común de OLD es su estilo de fijación. I’m sure you’ve already heard about all four of them: secure, displicente-evasivoansioso-preocupado y temeroso-evasivo.

Si tiene una actitud ansioso-preocupada, ambivalente o estilo de apego inseguroentonces, de niño, te preocupaba constantemente que tus padres te rechazaran.

Estos miedos te persiguen durante toda tu vida adulta. Proyectas todos tus traumas en tus parejas sentimentales.

Te obsesionas tanto con la posibilidad de que te dejen que acabas en un codependiente relación.

En el fondo, nunca confiaste en tus padres. Los considerabas poco fiables y pasaste toda tu infancia esperando que te abandonaran a cada minuto.

Now, when you’re all grown up, this is how you feel about your partner. You question their loyalty and live in constant fear of them walking away from you.

Miserable pasado amoroso.

You know how I told you that everything that’s going on with you now dates back to your past? Well, this doesn’t mean that I’m necessarily talking about your childhood here only.

OLD can be caused by your love life history as well. If you’ve spent your share of time in a matrimonio sin amor or in abusive relationships – this is the key to your problem.

The same way some parents treated their kids, that’s exactly how your partners from the past treated you. They made you feel unloved, unwanted, and not good enough.

This is especially true if you’ve experienced infidelity from your loved one. Consequently, you start to believe that all women or men are the same.

Así que esperas que todas las personas que entran en tu vida tengan los mismos patrones de comportamiento.

If your ex had considered you not enough and looked for the things you couldn’t give them outside of your relationship, then what prevents your next partner from doing the same thing?

Por lo tanto, no tienes más remedio que hacer todo lo que esté en tu mano para mantenerlos a tu lado.

Trastorno obsesivo-compulsivo.

People suffering from OCD have a tendency of developing OLD. But, I’m talking about real OCD here – not the trend in which everyone who is allergic tend to miss self-diagnose themselves with this disorder.

También existe algo llamado relación TOC. Basically, here, you have obsessive behaviors and thoughts connected to your relationship. You can’t control either no matter how hard you try.

Erotomanía.

Otro trastorno mental frecuente entre las personas con enfermedad de Alzheimer es la erotomanía, que puede estar causada por la esquizofrenia o el trastorno bipolar.

Here, the patient believes they’re in love with a celebrity to the point where they end up having obsessive thoughts about them that they can’t control.

Don’t mistake this with being someone’s biggest fan. You can be fascinated by their career or even see them as a role model.

Sin embargo, cuando se padece erotomanía, se desarrolla una especie de trastorno obsesivo-compulsivo por el interés amoroso.

Y no sólo eso: también te convences de que esa persona también siente algo por ti.

Aunque tu objeto de amor sea claramente inalcanzable para ti, sigues creyendo que los dos estáis hechos el uno para el otro y que esto es amor de verdad.

In some extreme cases, patients start stalking their love interest or even become violent when they don’t reciprocate their love.

Trastorno Límite de la Personalidad

El Trastorno Límite de la Personalidad suele ir de la mano del VIEJO. Se caracteriza por la inestabilidad emocional, habitual en quienes padecen un TCA.

In fact, fear of abandonment is both of these mental health disorder’s number one symptom.

Inseguridad.

You don’t have to suffer from a mental health condition to develop OLD. In fact, this disorder is sometimes caused by seemingly small things.

Low self-esteem is common for everyone suffering from an obsessive love disorder. Your insecurities might have different underlying causes, but they’re always there.

Sin embargo, en la mayoría de los casos, esto no es tan evidente. De hecho, puede que incluso desempeñe el papel de una persona segura de sí misma que no muestra ningún signo de inseguridad.

It’s not that you only lie to others about this – you’re not being honest towards yourself either.

Te niegas a afrontar tus problemas de baja autoestima porque sabes que mirar la verdad a los ojos te rompería.

El problema es que, en el fondo, tu subconsciente narcisista piensa que tu ser querido es mejor que tú.

You see yourself as replaceable and not worthy of their love and attention, so you do everything you can to devalue them. After all, that is the only way in which you two can be on the same level, isn’t it?

Not only that: you also think that you’ll never find someone else if they leave you. You see yourself as unlovable and you don’t think you deserve happiness.

So, it doesn’t matter how your significant other treats you – you keep seeing them as a jackpot. After all, they’re the only one who agreed on being with you.

¿Cuáles son los síntomas del trastorno obsesivo del amor?

Aunque cada persona es única, existen algunos patrones de comportamiento comunes a todos los que padecen un trastorno de ansiedad postraumática. Estas son las señales de alarma a las que debes prestar atención si sospechas que padeces esta enfermedad.

Celos extremos.

One of the first symptoms of obsessive love disorder is uncontrollable jealousy. But, I’m not talking about cute, typical jealousy here that all couples in love have.

I’m talking about celos enfermizos que te abruma y se apodera por completo de tus pensamientos.

Celos obsesivos

The name speaks for itself: you’re obsessed with the fact that your significant other is doing something behind your back.

Ve a todo el mundo como una amenaza: sus amigos, compañeros de trabajo, conocidos y, literalmente, todas las personas con las que se comunica.

Cada vez que salen sin ti, muestras diferentes tipos de comportamientos obsesivos. Piensas en la posibilidad de que se enamoren de otra persona.

You’re constantly worried that they’ll find someone better than you and that they’ll replace you in the blink of an eye.

You check their phone, looking for suspicious text messages, you follow them around and you’re always in search of some kind of evidence.

Celos delirantes

También existe algo llamado celos delirantes o morbosos, que es aún más grave.

Este trastorno a veces va de la mano de otras enfermedades mentales, como la erotomanía, la esquizofrenia o el trastorno bipolar.

In the case of delusional disorder, you’re jealous of “your” celebrity’s loved one and life that doesn’t include you.

Nevertheless, morbid jealousy also happens in real relationships. Basically, you’re convinced that your partner is unfaithful despite not having any proof or facts for your doubts.

Te inventas escenarios imposibles para respaldar tu obsesión. Te vuelves paranoico y conviertes toda tu vida en una búsqueda de pruebas de tus delirios.

Trastorno del apego.

It’s perfectly normal to be emotionally attached to your partner – after all, that’s a part of every romantic relationship.

Sin embargo, cuando se padece un trastorno obsesivo-compulsivo, se muestran signos de un trastorno malsano del apego, que también es una enfermedad mental.

Your significant other is the center of your Universe. You’re only happy when they’re around and you don’t care about anything happening outside of your relationship.

You’re not just emotionally dependent on them – you’ve also developed a form of addiction. You couldn’t imagine spending a day without this person since they’re the only ones giving your life meaning.

Everything besides them is pointless, and you put all of your focus and effort into maintaining this relationship. It’s your cause of existence and the only reason to breathe.

Pensamientos obsesivos.

What if my boyfriend or girlfriend leaves me? Do they really love me? What if they’re seeing someone else? How can I prevent them from walking away from me?

Do these questions sound familiar? Don’t get me wrong: we all have similar thoughts when our relationship enters a crisis.

However, you’re different. These thoughts appear in your mind out of nowhere, even if everything is going smoothly.

Your partner is all you can think about, but you don’t think much about their well-being: your entire focus is on their presence in your life.

And, the worst part is that you can’t control your mind – it goes the other way around.
Bueno, si esto no es un signo evidente de un VIEJO, ¿entonces qué lo es?

Posesividad.

Hay una gran diferencia entre celos y posesividad. When you’re jealous, your biggest fear is your partner’s infidelity.

You don’t want to lose them to another man or woman, and you will do everything in your power to prevent that from happening.

However, when you’re possessive, you want this person for yourself only.

You don’t like your significant other’s friends and family members simply because they give them the attention that should be reserved for you only.

Si dependiera de ti, dejarían sus trabajos. No tendrían aficiones ni intereses fuera de vuestra relación.

Deberían dejar de existir como individuos e invertir toda su energía en ser tu novia o novio.

After all, that’s how you roll, so why wouldn’t they? It would be best if you could become this person’s only preoccupation.

Deseo de control.

The next on the list of symptoms of obsessive love disorder is the fact that you’re a control freak.

I hate to break it to you, but you’re not your partner’s caregiver nor are they a little child without any proper decision-making skills.

Let’s be honest: you’re masking your real intentions here.

You go under false pretenses that you’re just trying to protect them from everything bad in this harsh world and act like you’re just worried about their well being.

You pretend that you’re taking over a part of their burden while you’re actually tomar el control a lo largo de su vida, paso a paso.

Quieres que tu pareja viva su vida a tu manera. En la práctica, eso significa que debe seguir tus órdenes sin hacer preguntas innecesarias.

After all, you know what’s best for them, don’t you?

En busca de tranquilidad.

We’ve already established a fact that you’re insecure and that you’re trying to heal your insecurity in all the wrong ways – through your romantic relationships.

When you suffer from this mental disorder, you’re constantly seeking reassurance from your partner.

You ask them questions, such as: “Do you love me?” “Could you live without me?” “What would you do if we broke up?”

No importa cómo te traten o lo que hagan para demostrarte su amor, nunca confías plenamente en ellos. Aunque es bastante evidente lo importante que eres para tu pareja, tus dudas siempre ganan.

The worst thing is that there is no right answer to either of these questions – at least not the one that would leave you satisfied.

Maybe they’re not telling you how much they love you as often as you would like to hear it. Or, you’re not happy with the tone of their voice.

Este síntoma por sí solo puede ser un signo de ansiedad en las relaciones. Sin embargo, si también presentas otros signos, una cosa es segura: sufres de OLD.

Incapacidad para aceptar el rechazo.

You don’t have to actually be in a romantic relationship in order to show red flags of obsessive love disorder. It’s enough for you to have a crush on someone and for that person to reject you.

Let’s be real: nobody likes hearing “no” for an answer. It’s not pleasant to find out that the person you like doesn’t like you back.

Esta constatación aplasta nuestra autoestima y puede hacer que todos nos sintamos desgraciados durante un tiempo. Sin embargo, nos guste o no, estas cosas pasan.

Usually, people in this situation feel bad for some time, but eventually move on. You have to accept that someone isn’t attracted to you or simply doesn’t want to give you a chance.

But, not you. You refuse to grasp this idea and you’re completely unable to take rejection. Ironically, when it happens, your feelings for this person intensify.

Te obsesionas con ellos y pones toda tu energía en intentar hacerles cambiar de opinión.

Acoso.

A great number of people suffering from OLD become stalkers at one point in their lives. It doesn’t matter if your love object doesn’t want you or you doubt your partner’s fidelity.

Either way, it’s likely that you’ll invest all of your energy in getting to the bottom of their whereabouts and activities.

You might follow them around or use every opportunity to go through their phone and social media – the bottom line is the same.

¿Cómo se trata el trastorno obsesivo del amor?

Sin contacto.

If you want to heal yourself from this mental illness, the first must-do is to cut all possible ties with the object of your infatuation, especially if we’re talking about the person you’re not even romantically involved with.

Créeme: no es alguien con quien puedas tener una relación sana.

Se acabaron las apariciones en los lugares donde podrías encontrarlos, las preguntas a sus amigos y familiares sobre ellos y el acoso en las redes sociales.

Por supuesto, los mensajes de texto y las llamadas telefónicas quedan descartados.

You’re not doing this to make them feel your absence. You’re doing it to cure yourself.
I know this is the last thing on your mind, but trust me – it’s the only possible option.

Autoocupación.

Mientras tanto, tienes que mantenerte ocupada. Concéntrate en ocuparte de lo que sea o de quien sea además de tu interés amoroso.

You see, you’ve spent so much time and energy obsessing over this person, so now, you have a lot of empty space in your life.

The second you get bored, you’ll go back to your old ways. That is exactly why you have to find new ways to keep yourself physically and mentally tired.

Find new hobbies, hit the gym, start learning new things, go out with your friends… Do whatever it takes to keep your mind off your obsession.

Psicoterapia.

Buscar consejo médico para tus problemas de salud no es ninguna vergüenza. Visita a un profesional o llama a un teléfono de emergencias sanitarias si sientes que tu estado se te va de las manos.

You’ll get the help you need and experts will present you with different treatment options until you find the one that suits you the best.

When you go to psychotherapy, a mental health professional won’t just handle your symptoms: they will also dig deep inside of you to find the underlying causes of this condition.

La psiquiatría da miedo, pero créeme: a veces, es el único lugar donde puedes aprender a encontrar un amor sano en el futuro.

There, you’ll be surrounded by experts who will hold your hand along the path of your recovery.
Pasará por diferentes tipos de evaluación que le ayudarán a solucionar su problema a largo plazo.

Medicación.

Finally, if nothing else helps, you’ll get medication to help you.

However, don’t take any medication without consulting your doctor. Stick to the prescribed dose and I promise you that you’ll feel better in no time.

Para terminar:

I’ll be honest with you: an obsessive love disorder can be a severe condition, but luckily, it can be treated effectively.

The most important thing is that you’re aware that you might have a problem. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here, would you?

It means that you’ve made the first and the hardest step: you faced your condition as much as it scares you. From now on, everything will be much easier and you will heal!