Causas, sintomas e tratamento da perturbação amorosa obsessiva

Uma perturbação amorosa obsessiva é muito diferente de uma paixão típica ou de um amor romântico. Em palavras simples, é uma fixação no seu interesse romântico.

You just think that you’re in love with this special someone, but you’re actually obsessed with them in an unhealthy way.

O ciúme possessivo, o desejo de controlar o objeto do seu afeto e os pensamentos maníacos sobre ele dominam-no.

Embora o OLD não conste do Manual de Diagnóstico e Estatística das perturbações mentais, é certamente uma perturbação potencialmente perigosa que tem de ser levada a sério.

When you suffer from it, you’re convinced that your obsessive thoughts are real love. You can’t eat, you can’t sleep and all you do is think about your loved one – just like when you’re in love.

No entanto, há uma grande diferença entre ter uma relação saudável e sofrer de perturbação amorosa obsessiva. Aqui estão as causas, os sintomas e as opções de tratamento para este distúrbio de saúde mental.

Causas da perturbação amorosa obsessiva

You have to be aware of one thing: things that you’re dealing with right now didn’t arise today. They didn’t hit you out of the blue.

In most cases, all of your mental disorders have been there for a while. You just failed to notice them or they didn’t swim up to the surface until now.

Trauma profundamente enraizado.

É exatamente este o caso da sua perturbação amorosa obsessiva. A sua principal causa está nas suas raízes profundas traumasprovavelmente com origem na sua infância.

You might have had a perfectly normal childhood– or at least that’s how things appeared to be. You had enough food, a place to sleep, and a seemingly “normal” family.

No entanto, a maior parte das pessoas que desenvolvem esta e outras perturbações semelhantes foram de facto emocionalmente negligenciados quando crianças.

Maybe you’re not even aware that you feel like your caregivers didn’t love you enough or maybe you were always missing their support.

Or, maybe they pushed you too hard. Is it possible that they’ve always behaved like you failed to meet their expectations?

Well, that is why you keep feeling like you’re not good enough. This is especially the case with the kids whose parents left them behind, but it can also happen to those who had them physically around.

Basically, we all spend our entire lives healing our childhood traumas, and now, you’re trying to get the love you didn’t get back then.

Estilo de vinculação inseguro.

Outra causa comum de OLD é a sua estilo de fixação. I’m sure you’ve already heard about all four of them: secure, desdenhoso-evitador, ansioso-preocupado e temeroso-evitador.

Se tem um estado ansioso-preocupado, ambivalente ou estilo de ligação inseguroQuando era criança, estava constantemente preocupado com a rejeição dos seus pais.

Estes medos continuam a assombrá-lo ao longo da sua vida adulta. Projecta todos os seus traumas nos seus parceiros românticos.

Ficamos tão obcecados com a possibilidade de eles nos deixarem que acabamos numa co-dependente relação.

No fundo, nunca confiou nos seus pais. Considerava-os pouco fiáveis e passou toda a sua infância à espera que eles o abandonassem a cada minuto.

Now, when you’re all grown up, this is how you feel about your partner. You question their loyalty and live in constant fear of them walking away from you.

Passado amoroso miserável.

You know how I told you that everything that’s going on with you now dates back to your past? Well, this doesn’t mean that I’m necessarily talking about your childhood here only.

OLD can be caused by your love life history as well. If you’ve spent your share of time in a casamento sem amor or in abusive relationships – this is the key to your problem.

The same way some parents treated their kids, that’s exactly how your partners from the past treated you. They made you feel unloved, unwanted, and not good enough.

This is especially true if you’ve experienced infidelity from your loved one. Consequently, you start to believe that all women or men are the same.

Por isso, espera que todas as pessoas que entram na sua vida tenham os mesmos padrões de comportamento.

If your ex had considered you not enough and looked for the things you couldn’t give them outside of your relationship, then what prevents your next partner from doing the same thing?

Por conseguinte, não tem outra alternativa senão fazer tudo o que estiver ao seu alcance para os manter ao seu lado.

Perturbação Obsessivo-Compulsiva.

People suffering from OCD have a tendency of developing OLD. But, I’m talking about real OCD here – not the trend in which everyone who is allergic tend to miss self-diagnose themselves with this disorder.

Existe também uma coisa chamada relacionamento TOC. Basically, here, you have obsessive behaviors and thoughts connected to your relationship. You can’t control either no matter how hard you try.

Erotomania.

Outra condição de saúde mental comum entre as pessoas com OLD é a erotomania, que pode ser causada por esquizofrenia ou transtorno bipolar.

Here, the patient believes they’re in love with a celebrity to the point where they end up having obsessive thoughts about them that they can’t control.

Don’t mistake this with being someone’s biggest fan. You can be fascinated by their career or even see them as a role model.

No entanto, quando se sofre de erotomania, desenvolve-se uma espécie de perturbação obsessivo-compulsiva pelo interesse amoroso.

Não só isso: também se convence de que essa pessoa também tem sentimentos fortes por si.

Mesmo que o seu objeto de amor seja claramente inatingível para si, continua a acreditar que os dois estão destinados a ficar juntos e que este é o verdadeiro amor.

In some extreme cases, patients start stalking their love interest or even become violent when they don’t reciprocate their love.

Perturbação da Personalidade Borderline

A Perturbação da Personalidade Borderline anda frequentemente de mãos dadas com a Velhice. Caracteriza-se pela instabilidade emocional, comum nas pessoas que sofrem de OLD.

In fact, fear of abandonment is both of these mental health disorder’s number one symptom.

Insegurança.

You don’t have to suffer from a mental health condition to develop OLD. In fact, this disorder is sometimes caused by seemingly small things.

Low self-esteem is common for everyone suffering from an obsessive love disorder. Your insecurities might have different underlying causes, but they’re always there.

No entanto, na maioria dos casos, isso não é assim tão evidente. Na verdade, pode até desempenhar o papel de um indivíduo auto-confiante que não mostra sinais de insegurança.

It’s not that you only lie to others about this – you’re not being honest towards yourself either.

Recusa-se a enfrentar os seus problemas de baixa autoestima porque sabe que olhar a verdade nos olhos o quebraria.

O problema é que, no fundo, o seu subconsciente narcisista pensa que a pessoa amada é melhor do que você.

You see yourself as replaceable and not worthy of their love and attention, so you do everything you can to devalue them. After all, that is the only way in which you two can be on the same level, isn’t it?

Not only that: you also think that you’ll never find someone else if they leave you. You see yourself as inamável and you don’t think you deserve happiness.

So, it doesn’t matter how your significant other treats you – you keep seeing them as a jackpot. After all, they’re the only one who agreed on being with you.

Quais são os sintomas da perturbação amorosa obsessiva?

Apesar de cada pessoa ser única, existem alguns padrões de comportamento comuns a toda a gente com OLD. Estes são os sinais de alerta a que deve prestar atenção se suspeitar que tem esta doença.

Ciúme extremo.

One of the first symptoms of obsessive love disorder is uncontrollable jealousy. But, I’m not talking about cute, typical jealousy here that all couples in love have.

I’m talking about ciúme doentio que nos domina e se apodera completamente dos nossos pensamentos.

Ciúme obsessivo

The name speaks for itself: you’re obsessed with the fact that your significant other is doing something behind your back.

Vê toda a gente como uma ameaça: os seus amigos, colegas de trabalho, conhecidos e, literalmente, todas as pessoas com quem comunica.

Sempre que eles saem sem si, apresenta diferentes tipos de comportamentos obsessivos. Pensa na possibilidade de ele se apaixonar por outra pessoa.

You’re constantly worried that they’ll find someone better than you and that they’ll replace you in the blink of an eye.

You check their phone, looking for suspicious text messages, you follow them around and you’re always in search of some kind of evidence.

Ciúme delirante

Há também uma coisa chamada ciúme delirante ou mórbido, que é ainda mais grave.

Por vezes, esta perturbação anda de mãos dadas com outras doenças mentais, como a erotomania, a esquizofrenia ou a perturbação bipolar.

In the case of delusional disorder, you’re jealous of “your” celebrity’s loved one and life that doesn’t include you.

Nevertheless, morbid jealousy also happens in real relationships. Basically, you’re convinced that your partner is unfaithful despite not having any proof or facts for your doubts.

Inventa cenários impossíveis para apoiar a sua obsessão. Torna-se paranoico e transforma toda a sua vida numa busca de provas para as suas afirmações delirantes.

Perturbação de vinculação.

It’s perfectly normal to be emotionally attached to your partner – after all, that’s a part of every romantic relationship.

No entanto, quando sofremos de OLD, mostramos sinais de uma perturbação de vinculação não saudável, que é também uma doença mental.

Your significant other is the center of your Universe. You’re only happy when they’re around and you don’t care about anything happening outside of your relationship.

You’re not just emotionally dependent on them – you’ve also developed a form of addiction. You couldn’t imagine spending a day without this person since they’re the only ones giving your life meaning.

Everything besides them is pointless, and you put all of your focus and effort into maintaining this relationship. It’s your cause of existence and the only reason to breathe.

Pensamentos obsessivos.

What if my boyfriend or girlfriend leaves me? Do they really love me? What if they’re seeing someone else? How can I prevent them from walking away from me?

Do these questions sound familiar? Don’t get me wrong: we all have similar thoughts when our relationship enters a crisis.

However, you’re different. These thoughts appear in your mind out of nowhere, even if everything is going smoothly.

Your partner is all you can think about, but you don’t think much about their well-being: your entire focus is on their presence in your life.

And, the worst part is that you can’t control your mind – it goes the other way around.
Bem, se isto não é um sinal óbvio de um VELHO, então o que é?

Possessividade.

Existe uma grande diferença entre ciúme e possessividade. When you’re jealous, your biggest fear is your partner’s infidelity.

You don’t want to lose them to another man or woman, and you will do everything in your power to prevent that from happening.

However, when you’re possessive, you want this person for yourself only.

You don’t like your significant other’s friends and family members simply because they give them the attention that should be reserved for you only.

Se dependesse de si, eles deixariam os seus empregos. Não teriam hobbies ou interesses fora da vossa relação.

Eles devem deixar de existir como indivíduos e investir toda a sua energia em ser sua namorada ou namorado.

After all, that’s how you roll, so why wouldn’t they? It would be best if you could become this person’s only preoccupation.

Desejo de controlo.

The next on the list of symptoms of obsessive love disorder is the fact that you’re a control freak.

I hate to break it to you, but you’re not your partner’s caregiver nor are they a little child without any proper decision-making skills.

Let’s be honest: you’re masking your real intentions here.

You go under false pretenses that you’re just trying to protect them from everything bad in this harsh world and act like you’re just worried about their well being.

You pretend that you’re taking over a part of their burden while you’re actually assumir o controlo ao longo da sua vida, passo a passo.

Quer que o seu parceiro viva a sua vida à sua maneira. Na prática, isso significa que ele deve seguir as suas ordens sem fazer perguntas desnecessárias.

After all, you know what’s best for them, don’t you?

Procurar tranquilidade.

We’ve already established a fact that you’re insecure and that you’re trying to heal your insecurity in all the wrong ways – through your romantic relationships.

When you suffer from this mental disorder, you’re constantly seeking reassurance from your partner.

You ask them questions, such as: “Do you love me?” “Could you live without me?” “What would you do if we broke up?”

Independentemente da forma como o tratam ou do que fazem para provar o seu amor por si, nunca confia plenamente nele. Apesar de ser bastante evidente a importância que tem para o seu parceiro, as suas dúvidas vencem sempre.

The worst thing is that there is no right answer to either of these questions – at least not the one that would leave you satisfied.

Maybe they’re not telling you how much they love you as often as you would like to hear it. Or, you’re not happy with the tone of their voice.

Este sintoma, por si só, pode ser um sinal de ansiedade na relação. No entanto, se também apresentar outros sinais, uma coisa é certa: sofre de OLD.

Incapacidade de aceitar a rejeição.

You don’t have to actually be in a romantic relationship in order to show red flags of obsessive love disorder. It’s enough for you to have a crush on someone and for that person to reject you.

Let’s be real: nobody likes hearing “no” for an answer. It’s not pleasant to find out that the person you like doesn’t like you back.

Esta constatação esmaga a nossa autoestima e pode fazer com que todos se sintam miseráveis durante algum tempo. No entanto, quer queiramos quer não, estas coisas acontecem.

Usually, people in this situation feel bad for some time, but eventually move on. You have to accept that someone isn’t attracted to you or simply doesn’t want to give you a chance.

But, not you. You refuse to grasp this idea and you’re completely unable to take rejection. Ironically, when it happens, your feelings for this person intensify.

Ficamos obcecados por eles e investimos toda a nossa energia na tentativa de os fazer mudar de ideias.

Perseguição.

A great number of people suffering from OLD become stalkers at one point in their lives. It doesn’t matter if your love object doesn’t want you or you doubt your partner’s fidelity.

Either way, it’s likely that you’ll invest all of your energy in getting to the bottom of their whereabouts and activities.

You might follow them around or use every opportunity to go through their phone and social media – the bottom line is the same.

Como é que se trata a Perturbação Obsessiva Amorosa?

Nenhum contacto.

If you want to heal yourself from this mental illness, the first must-do is to cut all possible ties with the object of your infatuation, especially if we’re talking about the person you’re not even romantically involved with.

Acredita em mim: esta não é uma pessoa com quem possas ter uma relação saudável.

Já não é preciso aparecer nos locais onde se pode encontrá-los, não é preciso perguntar aos amigos e familiares sobre eles, nem persegui-los nas redes sociais.

É claro que quaisquer mensagens de texto ou chamadas telefónicas estão fora de questão.

You’re not doing this to make them feel your absence. You’re doing it to cure yourself.
I know this is the last thing on your mind, but trust me – it’s the only possible option.

Auto-ocupação.

Entretanto, tem de se manter ocupado. Concentre-se em ocupar-se com o que quer que seja ou com quem quer que seja para além do seu interesse amoroso.

You see, you’ve spent so much time and energy obsessing over this person, so now, you have a lot of empty space in your life.

The second you get bored, you’ll go back to your old ways. That is exactly why you have to find new ways to keep yourself physically and mentally tired.

Find new hobbies, hit the gym, start learning new things, go out with your friends… Do whatever it takes to keep your mind off your obsession.

Psicoterapia.

Procurar aconselhamento médico para os seus problemas de saúde não é vergonha nenhuma. Visite um profissional ou ligue para uma linha de saúde de emergência se sentir que o seu estado está a ficar fora do seu controlo.

You’ll get the help you need and experts will present you with different treatment options until you find the one that suits you the best.

When you go to psychotherapy, a mental health professional won’t just handle your symptoms: they will also dig deep inside of you to find the underlying causes of this condition.

A psiquiatria parece assustadora, mas acredite em mim: por vezes, é o único sítio onde pode aprender a encontrar um amor saudável no futuro.

There, you’ll be surrounded by experts who will hold your hand along the path of your recovery.
Passará por diferentes tipos de avaliação para o ajudar a resolver o seu problema a longo prazo.

Medicação.

Finally, if nothing else helps, you’ll get medication to help you.

However, don’t take any medication without consulting your doctor. Stick to the prescribed dose and I promise you that you’ll feel better in no time.

Para terminar:

I’ll be honest with you: an obsessive love disorder can be a severe condition, but luckily, it can be treated effectively.

The most important thing is that you’re aware that you might have a problem. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here, would you?

It means that you’ve made the first and the hardest step: you faced your condition as much as it scares you. From now on, everything will be much easier and you will heal!