Le conseguenze della frequentazione di uno psicopatico emotivo

When you find yourself in the claws of an emotional psychopath, you have no idea what’s happening to you. First, everything is perfect. He is perfect. You just can’t believe you are
fortunata ad avere un uomo così straordinario. La vita cambia completamente per voi.

You know that feeling when you’re happy and you look at everything positively and with a huge smile? Well, at the beginning, your world shines brighter, your favorite food tastes better and you feel like you’re on the top of the world.

Your life is so perfect that it’s scary. It’s like the weather and the unusual calmness in the air before the raging storm.

 

 

You were the storm that hit me and left a disaster inside me. How could I have been so stupid? How couldn’t I see that my life was too perfect to be true? I should have known better than that. I should have known it was a lie.

Dio, eri irresistibile. Mi sono innamorata di te nel momento in cui ti ho visto. Per me è stato sicuramente amore a prima vista. Non avrei mai pensato che tu fossi una persona completamente diversa da quella che pensavo. Avrei fatto letteralmente di tutto per te, non solo perché pensavo che tu avresti fatto lo stesso per me, ma perché ti amavo davvero e sinceramente.

E la cosa più triste è che tu lo sapevi e questo ha reso il tuo gioco ancora più facile da giocare.

After the idyllic life and things which were too good to be true, my life started to change. Things weren’t as bright as before, my food didn’t taste as good and the top of the world turned to be very low, going even lower.

Finalmente ha mostrato chi era veramente.

I guess no one can pretend to be something they are not for so long. Masks fall and faces are revealed. It happened to him, too. He couldn’t pretend to be something he was not; it drove him crazy, and it went against everything he believed in. Maybe it’s not even his fault entirely because his mind was sick. He didn’t know to differ right from wrong or on the other hand, he just didn’t care because he was a selfish, emotion-thirsty vampire—which was more likely to be the case.

Questi suoi giochi di manipolazione mi hanno distrutto. Questi piani astuti per catturarmi nella sua realtà mi hanno reso per sempre suo prigioniero.

Mi ha fatto credere in cose che non erano vere. He completely took control over my life and never asked me a goddamn thing. I felt like a was a prop in a show lying in a dark box until someone opened the box to use the prop and put it back when they were done. This is exactly how I felt and when I wanted to say something, when I wanted to rebel against being kept in a box, he made me believe I was out in the open the whole time. But, why do I remember only the darkness around me? Was I crazy? I mean deep inside I knew I wasn’t, but there was no other explanation, so I began to think I am and I couldn’t trust myself anymore. He took control over me completely. He broke me and made me doubt myself. This was his strongest manipulation—the one that made everything else a piece of cake.

Lui ha cercato di cambiarmi e ci è riuscito. By his side, I turned into someone I didn’t recognize. I knew it was me, but yet there was no sign of me. When I looked in the mirror, I saw my reflection and I didn’t recognize the face that was staring at me with no expression on its face. I couldn’t recognize those weary, sad eyes that were looking at me. I never saw a face that was so worn out at such a very young age. It was like I was looking at an old lady who gave everything to the world and is ready to move on to the next one.

Mi dava la colpa ogni volta che qualcosa andava storto. Even when he fucked up, he blamed me. One day when he came home from work, he was so pissed. I didn’t want to ask him anything and I hid in my room because I was too afraid to be by his side. I knew that this would somehow backfire on me. And I was right. He had problems at work and he came after me because I was the one who had fucked him up before work. I was the one who had gotten on his nerves so he was unable to concentrate. It was all my fault and then the insults came falling at me like a sharp, cold rain in a winter storm. No one can take that much humiliation and emotional abuse.

Mi ha tagliato fuori dal mondo because he was too afraid that the world will open my eyes. He was too afraid that the world will take his victim from him. He convinced me that everyone around me wanted to hurt me and he was the only one who will keep me safe. It wasn’t hard to manipulate me after he made me believe I’m crazy and don’t deserve anything. At that point, I was grateful I had him because who would love someone like me? At that point, he made me believe he was my savior and he kept me away from everybody because he knew I will wake up from the nightmare he directed.

Vedi anche: 6 segni che sta facendo la vittima per distruggerti

Sono stata lasciata completamente sola, pensando che lui fosse l'unica cosa che avevo. Ho vissuto nella menzogna per così tanto tempo, ma da qualche parte dentro di me sapevo che era una menzogna, ma ho resistito così a lungo che ho iniziato a pensare che fosse vera.

I really didn’t have a reason to live. I wanted my life to end. I thought to myself if I was that unlovable, if I was that crazy, if no one will ever love me or be there for me, I don’t have any reason to live. I hated myself and I wanted my life to be over. I wanted my troubles to just stop.

In all the sorrow and darkness that overtook me, a tiny ray of light from deep inside spoke to me. There was always that something that kept me alive. There was always that something that didn’t let me leave this world forever.

It took me so long to recognize who it was—it was me. It was my old self who was hiding in this emotionless monster he created.

That little piece of me shouted from the top of its lungs and I finally heard it. That voice inside me gave me hope and strength. That voice inside me showed me that my journey is still not over. It told me that I have so many more things to do, that I’m not done yet.

All I needed was that proof that there is still something left of my old self and I left. It hurt like hell. I was afraid but I didn’t care, and I left for good.

That doesn’t mean I’m free. That doesn’t mean I’m happy. I have a long road ahead of me. I have to find myself again and bring myself back. I have to learn to love myself again. I have to heal.

Lo so I’m a mess. He played his games with me for far too long. He tricked my mind so cunningly and so many times that I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong anymore. I need to sort out that mess in my head, but at least now I know I have to, now I know which path to take. Now I know that it was never me—it was him all along.

I’m terrified of love. I don’t know if I will be able to love anyone ever again. His ‘love’ destroyed me. His ‘love’ made me think that love is a piece of shit that takes everything away from you. I’m scared of love because love has hurt me so much. But, I hope someday that fear will disappear. It’s just that I know it won’t happen overnight and I know that no one will show it to me. I have to see it for myself.

Voglio stare da solo. Ho bisogno di tempo per riflettere su tutto. Ho bisogno di tempo per guarire le mie ferite che hanno sanguinato per troppo tempo. Devo imparare a mostrare i miei sentimenti. Ho bisogno di imparare di nuovo a sentire.

Voglio darmi una seconda possibilità. Voglio lottare per me stessa perché ho trovato la forza di cui avevo tanto bisogno. Voglio continuare a vivere perché so di meritarlo.