Perché evita l'intimità quando è evidente che desidera l'amore?

È stato ferito in precedenza? È una cosa che fanno solo gli uomini? È possibile che teme l'amore?

Well, they don’t say “l'amore fa male” without good reason. However, it’s the only thing we really crave in life. Everybody wants love even when they’re set to “stay single forever.”

It’s pretty obvious there’s some underlying issue that needs to be addressed and understood when it’s clear he wants love but refuses to receive it.

Ci sono molte possibili ragioni per cui evita di essere intimo e mostrare i propri sentimenti. For many of those reasons, we can blame society, which tells men to “suck it up” and “be a man.”

Per capire gli uomini, le donne devono passare a un punto di vista completamente diverso. Essere un uomo comporta una serie di problemi diversi da quelli delle donne.

And yes, even though it’s generally accepted that men “have it easy,” that doesn’t mean they don’t have problems.

In fact, having problems and not being able to talk about them (because it’s not manly) is an issue on its own.

Intimacy and love are universal things. If everything’s balanced, neither men nor women should have a problem with receiving or giving it.

Tuttavia, molte persone, se non tutte, a un certo punto della loro vita, hanno un problema di comprensione di se stesse e dei loro desideri, bisogni e problemi.

That’s when they usually slip into either essere bisognosi (che chiede amore e attenzione) o di essere eccessivamente distaccato (evitare l'intimità e non dare attenzione).

Quali sono i fattori scatenanti di questo tipo di comportamento?

I nuovi sentimenti risvegliano le ferite del passato

Maybe he was badly hurt before, so he’s extra careful when it comes to a new relationship.

Even if he’s in a steady relationship and even if he manages to be affectionate initially, thoughts about past experiences will start to creep up over time.

Questo rende una persona vulnerabile e La vulnerabilità è vista come una debolezza.

It usually isn’t about the person he’s with, but the situations that trigger something from the past.

This doesn’t just refer to experiences with romantic partners but also circumstances in which he grew up, his upbringing, and family dynamics, which have a huge role in emotional life later on.

It doesn’t help that we too often choose partners with whom we unconsciously recreate problematic dynamics.

Questo dimostra quanto sia importante e profondamente radicato il nostro comportamento appreso e quanto sia complessa la mente umana.

Lo stress si sta impossessando della sua vita

Lo stress è un noto killer dell'umore, and, in my opinion, it’s not talked about enough regarding this context.

Lo stress si impossessa della vostra vita, cambia completamente le vostre priorità contro la vostra volontà e vi impedisce di sentire pienamente le cose.

It’s not easy to get rid of or control. It gets into your mind and makes a person forget about things they really want or even live for, hence the lack of affection even if they love you.

It’s no secret that love sometimes triggers existential fears because having someone to take care of means providing, especially when it comes to men’s traditional role.

È questo che rende difficile attingere ai sentimenti, anche quando una persona ama sinceramente il proprio partner.

Paura di un amore disuguale

Everybody has that tiny voice in their head that sometimes tells them they’re not enough.

La paura di un amore disuguale è reale e influisce su quanto una persona parli dei propri sentimenti.

Sometimes we fear that we’ll end up hurt, and sometimes we fear that the other person will end up hurt because of us. Either way, we’re lacking in something, and it prevents us from expressing romantic feelings.

Often this has to do with feeling unlovable deep inside ourselves. We refuse to love because we don’t think we deserve it or think we’re not capable of giving it back.

That’s what sometimes makes people act colder than they are when in reality, they crave love the same way everybody else does.