Giocando con me, hai finito per giocare solo con te stesso

You were like nobody I ever met. You had something so devilish inside of you that was impossible to resist. The fire burning in your eyes was calling me to come closer. That little voice inside my head screamed you were trouble but I silenced it. My eyes were wide shut and my heart was burning for you. I couldn’t hear and I couldn’t see the player you really were.

So deaf and blind, I fell into your deceiving arms. I fell into a trap of manipulative games that took me forever to realize but you know what they say—’better late than never’.

Abbiamo iniziato lentamente come amici. Ti sei intrufolato nel mio cuore. Credo che ciò che mi ha conquistato di più sia stata la tua completa attenzione ogni volta che parlavamo. Ascoltavi ogni parola che usciva dalla mia bocca, ridevi delle sciocchezze e rimanevi tranquilla e solidale nelle cose serie.

Mi hai fatto sentire a mio agio così velocemente che ho iniziato a sentirmi al sicuro con te. Ho iniziato a fidarmi completamente di te e mi sono aperta così facilmente. E io non sono una di quelle donne che lo fanno facilmente. Per me ci vuole molto tempo prima di condividere con qualcuno qualcosa di profondo. E so che eri un perfetto sconosciuto, ma mi hai fatto sentire come se fossi una persona vicina.

The other big thing that made me so into you is that you were so damn attractive. You were the sexiest creature I ever laid my eyes on. I’d always given more emphasis to what was from within. I wasn’t in high school anymore, to just fall for someone’s good looks.

That never was one of my criteria when I would choose a boyfriend in the past. Sure I wanted them to have something I liked, something I found attractive, as I think that it’s important to concentrate on the whole package, the wrapping on the outside and the beautiful gift that is on the inside.

I had no idea that you – my perfect package, my amazing gift – would end up being so wrong for me.

Quel fuoco nei tuoi occhi mi chiamava. Non avevo mai provato una tale passione in tutta la mia vita. Ti ho dato il mio cuore, il mio corpo, la mia anima, senza nemmeno pensarci due volte. Ero tutta tua, ma purtroppo tu non sei mai stato mio.

Dopo aver ottenuto la tua strada, dopo aver visto che ero così innamorata di te, sono iniziati i giochi. Eri un perfetto esempio di giocatore. Ora me ne rendo conto.

It started where it all starts – with a texting game. You gave me so much attention at first. Texting every day was something I’d gotten very used to. All of a sudden it would take you forever to reply. Sometimes you would even text me back the next day, like, ‘I was sleeping. I was so tired babe sorry.’ Yeah right, sleeping from 6 p.m. to 9 a.m. But I let it slide.

The more the texts got delayed, the more I was anticipating them. I would answer in a heartbeat but you would take your precious time. You were always busy. You were always tired and never had time for me. Even though I knew nobody that busy. If you wanted, you could’ve taken five minutes from the day to text, just to let me know you were thinking of me. But no. You had no time. And I chose to make myself believe in those lies because all I wanted was to be with you.

Lo sapevi bene, sapevi che, qualunque cosa fosse successa, io ci sarei sempre stato. O almeno così pensavamo entrambi all'epoca.

I giochi hanno iniziato a essere più professionali. Hai cambiato il tuo comportamento. Prima mi davi tutto e ora mi accontentavo di pezzi del tuo affetto. Tutte le notti passate a parlare di tutto e di niente, tutte le volte che mi sembrava che tu mi ascoltassi con attenzione, erano sparite per sempre.

Facevamo progetti. O meglio, io facevo programmi perché tu eri troppo occupato per farli per noi. Li annullavi all'ultimo minuto. Mi lasciavi in lacrime e andavi Dio solo sa dove, senza nemmeno considerare come mi facevi sentire.  

Eri troppo occupato per investire qualsiasi tipo di sforzo in me, o in questa cosa che stavamo facendo. Perché non hai mai detto che ero la tua ragazza. Ho solo pensato che lo fossi o che fossi vicina ad esserlo perché il tuo comportamento all'inizio di questa storia mi faceva pensare a quella direzione.

Time passed and all I had with you were tears. That’s what happens when you deal with a player. All you are constantly feeling is pain with glimpses of happiness and somehow you are hooked and you are incapace di lasciarsi andare. Ne vuoi sempre di più, finché le tue lacrime non si asciugano e ti dicono che è abbastanza.

That’s exactly what happened to me; my tears made me see, my sobbing on those sleepless nights made me hear that little voice inside my head that was telling me it was time to let go.

So, I did. I let you go even though it was anything but easy. I just figured it would be worse staying with you. Your behavior toward me was getting worse and worse. You were becoming so self-centered that I started to feel like I didn’t exist and like I didn’t matter.

Tears made me remember I did. They made me remember I have limits and you crossed them all. They made me remember that I am worthy of love and that it was time I started giving it to myself.  And I wasn’t wrong when I started to do that because everything else started to fall into place.

I learned that I am happier without you and that there is nothing that hurts you more. Now you have time and you are not busy and you keep begging me to give you one more chance. But you don’t deserve any more chances. Now I am the one who is in control of my life and you don’t get to be a part of it.

Capisco il tuo shock. Pensavi che fossi debole, che non mi sarei mai lasciata andare. Pensavi che giocare con me sarebbe durato per sempre. Non hai mai pensato che perdermi ti avrebbe fatto male. You played a game with me and ended up playing yourself. I am sorry for you, as we could’ve had it great if it wasn’t for your games. But, it is how it is and the only reality now is that I don’t want you in my life anymore. Game over.