Non si può avere un matrimonio perfetto, ma ecco cosa si può fare per prosperare
I was always excited about marriage, even when I was a kid. And who wouldn’t be excited when all the movies I’ve watched, and books I’ve read presented marriage as this perfect union of two people?
But then I got married and things weren’t exactly perfect. I was disappointed thinking maybe we weren’t meant for each other since we sometimes had problems and arguments.
So as any couple who doesn’t want to divorce does, we went to a counselor. Oh, he really slapped us in the face with a reality check.
“Wait, you think what media and those couples on IG show is real?”, ci ha chiesto il consulente.
“Well, they said they never argue, and they also seem pretty much perfect,” abbiamo detto.
“Do you go around telling people about negative things in your marriage? I don’t think so. You can’t trust these unrealistic expectations! No one’s marriage is perfect, and there’s nothing wrong with that,” ha risposto, lasciandoci scioccati.
Dopo questo controllo della realtà, ha condiviso cose che tutti noi possiamo fare per far prosperare il nostro matrimonio while not worrying about being perfect since that’s not possible anyway.
Dovete accogliere le vostre differenze
Every person is unique and even two identical twins aren’t 100% the same. So considering the differences we have, it’s impossible to agree on every little thing. Couples in movies made it seem so easy but my partner and I soon realized that our marriage isn’t scripted.
Our counselor’s advice was like a wake-up call: “If you want to make it work you need to celebrate your differences, not hide them.” Poi finalmente abbiamo capito.
Imparare a celebrare le cose che ci rendono unici wasn’t just about accepting the differences we have, it was about changing our whole mindset and learning that they actually make us stronger.
If you and your spouse have different cultural or religious backgrounds and different personalities, that doesn’t mean you’re not compatible. Dovete semplicemente trovare un modo per trovare un compromesso quando avete opinioni opposte, ma apritevi anche a conoscere meglio l'altro.
Tutto si riduce a una comunicazione aperta
At the beginning of our marriage, we used to have a lot of unnecessary conflicts over stupid misunderstandings. If we only knew how to communicate effectively with one another we would’ve avoided a lot of fights.
La cosa più importante è lasciare da parte l'ego e l'orgoglio. Solo così potrete comunicare nel modo giusto e vedere le cose con chiarezza.
Non appena abbiamo cambiato questo concetto, le nostre accese discussioni si sono trasformate in discussioni tranquille in cui eravamo open to understanding each other’s perspectives. We realized that a perfect marriage doesn’t exist in real life.
Tuttavia, si può sicuramente cercare di averne uno cercando di risolvere i disaccordi in modo pacifico invece di fare di un elefante una mosca. Also, bottling up your emotions won’t lead you anywhere good, so remember to always speak your mind.
La chiave è il sostegno e l'empatia
Once you learn how to communicate and actively listen to your spouse, you’ll see there’ll suddenly be more understanding and empathy in your marriage.
You can’t be supportive of one another if you don’t even try to understand their point of view and their feelings. Being supportive isn’t only important when they’re winning in life. It’s actually more important when things go south.
Whether it’s work issues, family drama, or any life crisis, you need to stand by each other’s side. When there’s a problem you might want to offer them a solution and think you’re done but sometimes your partner just wants you to be present emotionally.
Questo rafforzerà sicuramente il vostro legame e renderà il vostro matrimonio più resistente. Once you realize that the myth of the perfect marriage is false, you’ll feel liberated. There’s no point in trying to meet an unrealistic standard that no one is close to.
Sweeping problems under the carpet won’t make others think your marriage is perfect. It will only create more opportunities for issues even your counselor might not be able to resolve.
Smettete di paragonare la vostra relazione a ciò che vedete in giro e ricordate che il matrimonio non è fatto per essere impeccabile. It’s supposed to be constantly evolving and changing and there’s nothing wrong with that!
