31 Harmful Habits Married Couples Have That Lead to Divorce
Did you know that nearly 40% of marriages end in divorce? It’s a staggering number that highlights the importance of recognizing destructive habits before they take a toll on a relationship.
Understanding these habits isn’t just about avoiding divorce; it’s about nurturing a loving and lasting partnership. Let’s explore this with empathy and insight, and find hope in what we can change.
1. Scarsa comunicazione
Communication is the backbone of any relationship, but poor communication can be a marriage’s worst enemy. Imagine two people speaking different languages; that’s what poor communication feels like. It can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and resentment, causing a rift between partners.
Take Sarah and John, for example. They thought they were discussing their future, but each was only hearing what they wanted. Sarah heard “stability,” while John heard “adventure.” Their conversations turned into arguments, filled with frustration and tears.
To avoid this, couples must learn the art of listening without interrupting and expressing thoughts clearly. Sometimes, it’s about asking the right questions or even saying nothing at all. Connecting through words should feel like a warm embrace, not a battlefield.
If you find your conversations turning cold or confusing, it might be time to seek help or practice new communication techniques. Remember, it’s never too late to learn to speak each other’s love language.
2. Mancanza di intimità emotiva
L'intimità emotiva è ciò che mantiene viva la scintilla, permettendo alle coppie di connettersi a un livello più profondo. Quando il matrimonio manca di questa intimità, i partner possono sentirsi come semplici coinquilini, che coesistono ma non vivono veramente insieme.
Think about Emily and Mike. They spent evenings in the same room but in different worlds, each glued to their screens. The laughter and shared dreams faded, replaced by silence and distance.
Per riaccendere questa intimità, le coppie devono dare priorità al tempo di qualità trascorso insieme. Può essere semplice come condividere un pasto senza distrazioni o impegnarsi in conversazioni significative su speranze e paure. La chiave è la vulnerabilità, che consente a ciascun partner di aprirsi e condividere i propri pensieri più intimi senza giudizio.
If you find yourself emotionally drifting from your partner, it’s time to reconnect, one small step at a time. Emotional intimacy isn’t built overnight, but with effort and love, it can flourish.
3. Darsi per scontati
Dare per scontato l'altro is like slowly eroding the foundation of a house. It’s not always obvious until cracks start to appear. In a marriage, this habit can lead to feelings of being undervalued and unappreciated.
Vi presentiamo Lisa e Tom. Tom lavorava a lungo, pensando di provvedere al sostentamento della famiglia. Nel frattempo, Lisa si destreggiava tra le responsabilità domestiche, sentendosi invisibile e logorata. Entrambi pensavano che l'altro comprendesse i loro sforzi, ma nessuno dei due esprimeva apprezzamento o gratitudine.
Breaking this habit requires mindfulness and acknowledgment. Simple acts like a heartfelt thank you or surprise note can reignite the sense of appreciation. It’s about noticing the small things your partner does and making them feel cherished.
If you’re guilty of taking your partner for granted, it’s time to change the narrative. Being aware and vocal about what you value in your partner can transform your relationship, making it stronger and more fulfilling.
4. Conflitti finanziari
Money talks, but it can also cause many arguments. Financial conflicts are a common source of tension in marriages, leading to stress and even separation. Different spending habits or conflicting financial goals can create a divide between partners.
Consideriamo Jane e Rob. Avevano una visione diversa del denaro: Jane era una risparmiatrice, mentre Rob amava spendere. Le loro discussioni sulle finanze erano frequenti e spesso li facevano sentire entrambi frustrati e incompresi.
To navigate these waters, it’s essential to have open discussions about financial goals and boundaries. Setting a budget together can ensure both partners are on the same page. Transparency and compromise are vital, allowing each partner to feel secure and respected in their financial decisions.
Se i disaccordi finanziari stanno mettendo a dura prova il vostro matrimonio, fate un passo indietro e rivalutate il vostro approccio al denaro. Lavorare insieme può trasformare lo stress finanziario in successo finanziario.
5. Mancanza di affetto fisico
L'affetto fisico è una parte essenziale di qualsiasi relazione sentimentale. La sua assenza può creare una sensazione di distanza emotiva e di solitudine. La mancanza di abbracci, baci o persino di tenersi per mano può far sentire i partner non amati e disconnessi.
Immaginate Mark e Anna, che lentamente hanno smesso di mostrare affetto fisico. Quello che una volta era un tocco d'amore è diventato una routine priva di calore o tenerezza. Il loro rapporto assomigliava più a una fredda collaborazione che a un matrimonio d'amore.
Reintroducing physical affection doesn’t have to be grand gestures. Sometimes, a simple hug or holding hands can bridge the emotional gap. It’s about showing love through touch, reinforcing the bond that brought you together.
If your marriage lacks physical affection, start small. Touch more, laugh together, and don’t shy away from expressing love physically. Reconnect through simple, everyday gestures that can reignite the passion you once shared.
6. Critica costante
While constructive feedback can be healthy, constant criticism can erode a marriage. It creates a hostile environment, leaving partners feeling attacked and unworthy.
Take Clara and Ben. Clara was never satisfied, always pointing out Ben’s flaws. Her constant criticism made Ben feel like he couldn’t do anything right, leading to tension and resentment.
It’s vital to replace criticism with empathy and understanding. Focus on the positives, and approach sensitive topics with kindness and patience. Communication should aim to uplift, not tear down.
If you notice a pattern of criticism in your marriage, it’s time to reassess how you express disappointment or concerns. Remember, your partner is human, deserving of love and respect. Embrace encouragement over criticism to build a healthier connection.
7. Aspettative irrealistiche
Unrealistic expectations can set a marriage up for failure. When partners expect perfection, they’re bound to be disappointed. This can lead to dissatisfaction and a constant feeling of failure.
Consideriamo Amy e David, che sono entrati nel matrimonio con un'idea perfetta di come dovrebbe essere la loro vita. Quando la realtà li ha colpiti, si sono ritrovati frustrati e disillusi.
Revisiting expectations can bring a sense of balance. Embracing imperfection and acknowledging each other’s humanity allows for growth and understanding. Marriage is about partnership, not perfection.
Se vi trovate a nutrire aspettative irrealistiche, prendetevi un momento per riflettere su ciò che conta davvero. Concentratevi sui punti di forza e celebrate il viaggio, piuttosto che sforzarvi di raggiungere un ideale irraggiungibile. Questo cambiamento di mentalità può portare a un matrimonio più soddisfacente e gioioso.
8. Rancore
Holding grudges is like carrying a heavy burden, weighing down a marriage with unresolved resentment. It prevents healing and creates a barrier to genuine connection.
Prendiamo l'esempio di Rachel e Alex, che si sono aggrappati a discussioni passate come fossero trofei. La loro incapacità di lasciar perdere ha alimentato una tensione continua, lasciando poco spazio al perdono o alla crescita.
Letting go of grudges requires a conscious effort to forgive and forget. It’s about prioritizing the relationship over past grievances, allowing love to prevail.
Se vi ritrovate ad aggrapparvi ai torti subiti in passato, considerate l'impatto sul vostro matrimonio. Abbracciate il perdono come percorso di guarigione, creando lo spazio per far fiorire l'amore senza l'ombra del risentimento.
9. Infedeltà (emotiva o fisica)
L'infedeltà, sia essa emotiva o fisica, può distruggere la fiducia in un matrimonio. Crea ferite profonde che è difficile rimarginare, portando a sentimenti di tradimento e insicurezza.
Consider Tom and Jane. Tom’s emotional affair left Jane feeling inadequate and heartbroken. She struggled to trust him again, questioning every interaction.
Rebuilding trust requires time, transparency, and commitment from both partners. It’s about facing the breach head-on and working together to rebuild what was broken.
Se l'infedeltà ha toccato il vostro matrimonio, sappiate che la guarigione è possibile. Con pazienza, onestà e una guida professionale, le coppie possono attraversare questo terreno difficile e uscirne rafforzate.
10. Mancanza di apprezzamento
L'apprezzamento è il collante che tiene insieme un matrimonio. Senza di essa, i partner possono sentirsi dati per scontati, provocando sentimenti di abbandono e frustrazione.
Meet Laura and Sam. Sam seldom acknowledged Laura’s hard work, whether at home or professionally. Laura felt invisible, her efforts going unnoticed.
Expressing appreciation doesn’t have to be elaborate. Simple words of recognition or acts of kindness can make a significant impact. It’s about acknowledging the everyday contributions that make your life together meaningful.
If your marriage lacks appreciation, it’s time to change that dynamic. Start by noticing the little things and expressing gratitude openly. A simple “thank you” can go a long way in nurturing love and connection.
11. Non trovare tempo per l'altro
Il tempo è un bene prezioso in un matrimonio. Non trovare il tempo per l'altro può portare alla deriva e alla disconnessione, facendo sentire i partner come estranei.
Immaginate Tom e Lisa, sempre impegnati con il lavoro e gli impegni sociali. Le loro agende erano piene, ma i loro cuori erano vuoti e desideravano un legame.
Prioritizing time together is essential. Whether it’s a date night or a simple walk, spending quality time reinforces the bond and keeps the relationship fresh.
If you find your marriage lacking in quality time, it’s time to take action. Create space in your schedule for each other and cherish those moments. Your relationship deserves your time and attention, and it can flourish with just a little effort.
12. Permettere a parenti/amici di interferire
La famiglia e gli amici possono essere una fonte di sostegno, ma permettere loro di interferire nel matrimonio può creare tensioni. Può sembrare un'invasione della privacy, con conseguenti conflitti e incomprensioni.
Take the example of Mike and Sarah. Sarah’s mother often criticized Mike, leading to tension between the couple. Mike felt alienated, and Sarah was torn between her husband and family.
Setting boundaries is key to maintaining harmony. It’s about protecting your marriage from external influences, ensuring that your relationship remains the top priority.
If family or friends are meddling in your marriage, it’s time to set clear boundaries. Communicate openly with your partner and those involved, reinforcing your commitment to each other.
13. Abuso di sostanze/dipendenze
L'abuso di sostanze o le dipendenze possono avere un impatto profondo sul matrimonio. Creano stress, problemi di fiducia e turbolenze emotive che spesso portano alla separazione.
Consider Alex and Mia, whose marriage was strained by Alex’s alcohol addiction. Mia felt helpless and alone, struggling to cope with the chaos.
Addressing addiction requires professional help and a supportive environment. It’s about facing the issue together and finding the courage to seek change.
Se la dipendenza si ripercuote sul vostro matrimonio, sappiate che il sostegno è disponibile. Chiedere aiuto può essere il primo passo verso la guarigione e la ricostruzione del vostro rapporto.
14. Trascurare la crescita personale
La crescita personale è fondamentale in un matrimonio e permette ai partner di evolvere insieme. Trascurare l'auto-miglioramento può portare alla stagnazione e all'insoddisfazione.
Immaginate Lisa e Mark, che hanno smesso di perseguire i loro interessi e i loro sogni. Sono diventati compiacenti, perdendo la scintilla che un tempo definiva il loro rapporto.
Encouraging personal growth means supporting each other’s passions and goals. It’s about celebrating individuality while nurturing your shared journey.
If you feel stuck in your marriage, it’s time to focus on personal growth. Pursue hobbies, learn new skills, and encourage your partner to do the same. Growth can bring a fresh perspective and renewed energy to your relationship.
15. Evitare la risoluzione dei conflitti
Avoiding conflict resolution is like sweeping dirt under the rug, only to trip over it later. It can lead to unresolved issues and resentment, slowly eroding the foundation of a marriage.
Consideriamo Tom ed Emily, che evitavano di parlare dei loro disaccordi. I loro problemi non detti sono diventati una montagna, gettando un'ombra sul loro amore.
Learning to address conflicts constructively is essential. It’s about open communication, empathy, and finding solutions together. Conflict should be a stepping stone, not a stumbling block.
If unresolved conflicts are haunting your marriage, it’s time to confront them head-on. Create a safe space for dialogue and work together to find resolution. Your relationship can grow stronger through understanding and compromise.
16. Mancanza di obiettivi o visione condivisa
Obiettivi e visioni condivise forniscono una direzione e uno scopo al matrimonio. Senza di essi, i partner possono andare alla deriva, sentendosi non allineati e scollegati.
Take Sarah and Dave, who realized they were heading in different directions. Their life goals no longer matched, leading to feelings of confusion and detachment.
Aligning goals requires open communication and compromise. It’s about finding common ground and building a future together, one step at a time.
If you feel disconnected from your partner, it’s time to revisit your shared vision. Discuss your dreams and aspirations, and find ways to align them. Together, you can create a fulfilling and meaningful life.
17. Uso eccessivo dei social media/problemi di privacy
L'uso eccessivo dei social media può creare problemi di privacy e di distanza emotiva in un matrimonio. Può portare al confronto, alla gelosia e alla mancanza di un legame autentico.
Si pensi a Emily e Jake, che passavano più tempo a scorrere i loro feed che a parlarsi. Le loro vite virtuali hanno messo in ombra i loro legami reali, provocando un senso di isolamento.
Creating boundaries with social media use can help maintain focus on your relationship. It’s about prioritizing face-to-face interaction and being present in the moment.
If social media is creeping into your marriage, it’s time to set limits. Put down the phone and look at each other. Real connection can’t be replaced by likes and comments.
18. Ostruzionismo (Trattamento silenzioso)
L'ostruzionismo, o il trattamento del silenzio, può creare una barriera emotiva tra i partner. Lascia le questioni irrisolte e i sentimenti inespressi, provocando frustrazione e distanza.
Prendiamo l'esempio di Maria e Carl, che hanno fatto ricorso al silenzio durante le discussioni. Le loro parole non dette hanno costruito un muro, bloccando ogni possibilità di comprensione o di risoluzione.
Breaking down this wall requires vulnerability and open communication. It’s about expressing emotions honestly and actively listening to each other.
If stonewalling is a pattern in your marriage, it’s time to break the silence. Engage in honest dialogue and work together to dismantle the barriers. Your relationship deserves open and heartfelt communication.
19. Essere eccessivamente sulla difensiva
Un atteggiamento eccessivamente difensivo può ostacolare una comunicazione onesta e creare un ambiente ostile. Impedisce ai partner di esprimere i propri sentimenti, causando incomprensioni e conflitti.
Consider Lucy and Jack. Lucy’s defensiveness made Jack feel like he couldn’t share his thoughts without walking on eggshells. It created tension and confusion in their relationship.
Cultivating a non-defensive approach requires empathy and openness. It’s about understanding each other’s perspectives and creating a safe space for dialogue.
If defensiveness is affecting your marriage, it’s time to approach conversations with an open heart. Listen actively and respond with kindness, allowing for genuine connection and understanding.
20. Mancanza di sostegno in tempi difficili
Il sostegno nei momenti difficili è essenziale per un matrimonio forte. Senza di esso, i partner possono sentirsi isolati e soli, con conseguente distacco emotivo.
Take the example of Jane and Tom. When Tom lost his job, Jane’s lack of empathy left him feeling unsupported and vulnerable. Their partnership felt strained, lacking the solidarity they once had.
Being supportive means being present and empathetic during challenging times. It’s about lending an ear, offering comfort, and standing by each other.
If your marriage lacks support during tough times, it’s time to step up. Show your partner they’re not alone, and face challenges together. Strengthen your bond by being a pillar of support and love.
21. Dismissing Each Other’s Feelings
Dismissing each other’s feelings can create a chasm in a marriage. It leaves partners feeling unheard and invalidated, leading to emotional disconnection.
Consider Emily and Tom, where Tom often brushed off Emily’s concerns. Emily felt neglected and unimportant, struggling to express her emotions.
Creating a validating environment requires empathy and active listening. It’s about acknowledging each other’s emotions and providing understanding and support.
If you find yourself dismissing your partner’s feelings, it’s time to change. Listen with an open heart and validate their emotions, fostering a deeper connection filled with empathy and love.
22. Mantenere segreti o mentire
Mantenere segreti o mentire può minare la fiducia in un matrimonio. Crea una barriera di inganni che porta al sospetto e all'insicurezza.
Take the example of Sam and Laura. Laura discovered Sam’s hidden financial troubles, leaving her feeling betrayed and uncertain.
Building trust requires honesty and openness. It’s about facing the truth together and being transparent in your communication.
If secrets are lurking in your marriage, it’s time to come clean. Embrace honesty and create a foundation built on trust and understanding. Your relationship deserves the truth, no matter how difficult it may be.
23. Ignorare i linguaggi dell'amore
I linguaggi dell'amore sono la chiave per capire come il vostro partner esprime e riceve l'amore. Ignorarli può portare a perdere i contatti e a non soddisfare i bisogni, causando frustrazione e solitudine.
Vi presentiamo Lisa e Tom. Tom amava i regali, mentre Lisa bramava il tempo di qualità. La mancata corrispondenza dei loro linguaggi d'amore ha portato a incomprensioni e delusioni.
Understanding and embracing love languages can transform a marriage. It’s about recognizing how your partner feels loved and making an effort to meet those needs.
If love languages are missing in your marriage, it’s time to learn them. Discover what makes your partner feel cherished and embrace those gestures. Love is a language that needs to be spoken fluently.
24. Il rifiuto dell'affetto come punizione
Withholding affection as punishment can create emotional distance and resentment in a marriage. It turns love into a weapon, leaving partners feeling unloved and disconnected.
Consider Claire and Mike, where Claire used affection to control Mike’s behavior. It left Mike feeling trapped and unworthy, damaging their bond.
Breaking this cycle requires understanding and compassion. It’s about expressing love unconditionally, without strings attached.
If you find affection being used as a weapon in your marriage, it’s time to change. Embrace love as a healing force and express it freely, nurturing a relationship filled with warmth and connection.
25. Confronto tra partner e altri
Paragonare il partner agli altri può generare insoddisfazione e insicurezza nel matrimonio. Crea standard irrealistici, portando a sentimenti di inadeguatezza e gelosia.
Take the example of Sarah and John, where Sarah often compared John to her friend’s husband. John felt unappreciated, struggling to meet impossible expectations.
Focusing on your partner’s unique qualities can foster appreciation and love. It’s about recognizing the strengths and values that define your relationship.
If comparisons are creeping into your marriage, it’s time to celebrate what makes your relationship special. Embrace your partner’s individuality and cherish the love you share. Your marriage is uniquely yours, filled with potential and beauty.
26. Risentimento accumulato nel tempo
Il risentimento può accumularsi nel tempo, creando una barriera alla connessione e alla comprensione nel matrimonio. Porta all'amarezza e alla distanza emotiva, erodendo l'amore che un tempo prosperava.
Consideriamo Tom e Lisa, che hanno lasciato che piccoli rancori si trasformassero in un profondo risentimento. Le loro frustrazioni inespresse si sono trasformate in un muro, bloccando ogni possibilità di riconciliazione.
Releasing resentment requires open communication and forgiveness. It’s about addressing grievances before they grow into insurmountable obstacles.
If resentment is weighing down your marriage, it’s time to let go. Embrace forgiveness and work together to heal old wounds. Your relationship deserves a fresh start and a renewed sense of love and understanding.
27. Rifiuto di chiedere aiuto quando necessario
Rifiutare di chiedere aiuto quando è necessario può impedire la guarigione e la crescita di un matrimonio. Lascia i problemi irrisolti, creando un ciclo di disfunzioni e dolore.
Prendiamo l'esempio di Emily e Jack, che hanno resistito alla terapia nonostante i loro continui conflitti. Il loro rifiuto di cercare aiuto li ha lasciati bloccati, ripetendo gli stessi argomenti.
Seeking professional guidance can provide new insights and solutions. It’s about being open to change and embracing the support available.
If your marriage is struggling, it’s time to reach out for help. Counseling or therapy can offer a fresh perspective and tools to rebuild your relationship. Embrace the journey of healing together, knowing that support is available when you need it most.
28. Overprioritizing Work and Career
While ambition and success are admirable, overprioritizing work can cause serious strain on a marriage. When one or both partners are constantly absorbed in their careers, emotional and physical availability suffers, leaving the relationship running on empty.
Think of Rachel and James. James poured all his energy into building his business, often coming home late and mentally drained. Rachel felt like an afterthought, their conversations reduced to logistics and to-do lists.
Balancing career and marriage requires intentional effort. It’s about setting boundaries, carving out uninterrupted time together, and making your partner feel seen and valued, no matter how busy life gets.
If work is taking center stage in your life, it might be time to reassess your priorities. Your marriage deserves as much dedication and attention as your career. Invest in both, and you’ll find fulfillment in all areas of life.
29. Losing the Friendship in the Relationship
At the heart of every strong marriage is a deep, enduring friendship. Losing that friendship can make the relationship feel hollow, turning love into mere obligation.
Take Mia and Chris. They once laughed over inside jokes and shared their wildest dreams. But as life got busier, their friendship faded, replaced by routines and responsibilities. The joy of companionship was quietly lost.
Rebuilding friendship in a marriage starts with simple acts—sharing stories, being silly, supporting each other’s passions, and spending time just for fun. It’s about remembering why you liked each other before you loved each other.
If your marriage feels more like a business arrangement than a bond, bring back the friendship. Reignite the connection through shared experiences and mutual curiosity. A strong friendship can carry your marriage through anything.
30. Overly Competitive Attitude
A bit of friendly competition can be fun, but when it becomes a constant battle for superiority, it can harm a marriage.
In relationships where one partner always seeks to “win,” disagreements become struggles rather than opportunities for growth.
The constant need to outdo each other can create an environment of rivalry instead of partnership. Over time, this can erode trust and mutual respect.
Couples need to remember that marriage is a team effort, not a competition. Empathy and understanding should replace the urge to compete. Working together strengthens the bond.
31. Neglecting Shared Interests
Shared interests often bring couples together, providing a common ground to build their relationship. However, neglecting these can lead to emotional distance.
When partners stop engaging in activities they once enjoyed together, it can signify deeper issues.
As lives get busier, maintaining shared hobbies can become less of a priority, leading to isolation within the relationship.
Rekindling these interests can reignite passion and connection. It’s essential to set aside time regularly to enjoy each other’s company in mutually loved activities. Keeping shared interests alive helps maintain a sense of unity and joy.
