Mio marito interpreta male tutto ciò che dico: come risolvere il problema
Does this seem familiar to you: you ask your husband what he wants to eat for dinner, and before you know it, you’re at each other’s throats, shouting, crying, and fighting about something that has nothing to do with dinner?
Se ogni conversazione che avete con vostro marito ha la possibilità di trasformarsi in una discussione e di farvi arrabbiare l'uno con l'altro, one of the biggest complaints you have about your marriage is probably something like, “My husband misinterprets everything I say.”
Perché lo fa? Perché vi fa sentire impotenti e incompresi? Ci sono molti problemi che potrebbero essere alla base di questo comportamento e alcuni di essi possono essere risolti se entrambi vi impegnate a lavorare sul vostro matrimonio.
Here are 35 possible reasons why he does it, so let’s see what’s going on. When you figure out which of these applies to you, we’ll talk about what can be done.
Perché mio marito interpreta male tutto ciò che dico
If questions like “Why is it that my husband misinterprets everything I say?” or “Perché mio marito mi rinfaccia tutto?” have been plaguing you, you probably already have some idea of why it might be happening. After all, Nessuno lo conosce meglio di voi.
The difficulty in dealing with this depends on why he does it, but don’t rush to break up with him just yet. Alcune delle cause dei vostri problemi possono essere risolte con un po' di lavoro, mentre altre sono segnali di allarme che tradiscono problemi più profondi.
Per capire quale di questi motivi è il più simile alla vostra situazione, prestate attenzione e Pensate bene a come è vostro marito e a come sono i vostri litigi. A seconda della risposta che troverete, potreste essere in grado di risolvere il problema con successo o decidere che dare la priorità all'amore per se stessi è l'opzione migliore per il vostro benessere.
1. He doesn’t listen.
Sometimes it might seem that he’s listening, but if he always misinterprets your words, he’s not hearing what you’re saying. A common reason for this is that he’s probably aspetta il suo turno di parola invece di ascoltare ciò che avete da dire.
2. He’s insecure.
If he’s insecure about his shortcomings, he might be too focused on them. If i suoi pensieri sono sempre rivolti a ciò di cui si sente insicuro, he’s constantly waiting for comments or criticism about that, so he’s not paying attention to your actual words.
3. He’s overly sensitive.
Una persona sensibile si arrabbia rapidamente se percepisce qualcosa che gli è stato detto come offensivo o irrispettosoche può portare a reazioni conflittuali.
4. He’s emotionally immature.
Comportamenti come il negare la propria parte nella discussione, l'insultare e l'incolpare di tutto possono far pensare a immaturità emotiva. Questo potrebbe essere difficile da accettare per lui e, quindi, da affrontare per voi.
5. Ha problemi di autostima.
Low self-esteem can cause a constant state of being on the lookout for criticism because he’s hyper-aware of all of his difetti reali e immaginari, and he’s waiting for you to bring them up.
6. Si sente vulnerabile.
He starts arguments because he’s trying to draw the attention away from whatever he believes is making him vulnerable at that moment. To compensate for it, he attacks before it comes up.
7. He’s easily offended.
Quando il suo ego è fragile, a man becomes offended at the smallest slight. For example, if he thinks what you’re saying is even a little critical, he’ll misinterpret it as being much more than it is.
8. He’s projecting.
Whatever it is that he’s feeling, he’s projecting it onto you. He might not be aware of it at all and really believe that it’s you who is responsible for whatever it is that he considers a problem.
9. He’s lashing out because he has other problems.
He could be experiencing problems at work, mental health issues, or trouble with other people and feel like it’s safe to unload all his stress on you because you’ll forgive him. He doesn’t think about how it might affect you.
10. Si sente poco apprezzato.
Quando he feels like you don’t value himSuo marito interpreterà qualsiasi cosa lei dica come un attacco personale. He’ll find a way to understand your words as criticism, even if it’s something completely innocent.
11. He’s self-righteous.
Because of his holier-than-thou attitude, he thinks that whatever he does is good, correct, and moral and can’t admit when he makes a mistake. When you talk to him, and he doesn’t like it, or it triggers something in him, he’ll never accept that it’s him who’s at fault.
12. He understands but doesn’t want to deal with it.
If you’re talking to him about something he doesn’t want to handle, he’ll pretend that he’s misunderstood you because that’s easier than taking responsibility. Quando prende l'abitudine di evitare, potrebbe diventare molto difficile per lui smettere.
13. He’s convinced he’s right.
Suo marito interpreta male le sue parole se sono in contrasto con le sue opinioni o idee. Può causare problemi anche da qualcosa di piccolo, such as asking him to do a chore that he doesn’t want to do and thinks he shouldn’t.
14. He can’t admit that he’s wrong.
He refuses to ever admit that his actions or beliefs might be anything less than perfect. Even if he knows that you’re right, he’ll never own up to it and accept that he made a mistake perché dà più valore al suo ego che a qualsiasi altra cosa.
15. È stato educato a pensare che un uomo abbia sempre ragione.
If he was brought up to hold sexist beliefs, he’ll never accept that there’s a possibility of him not being right. A man like that è fermamente convinto che qualsiasi cosa dica debba essere ascoltata e accettata senza alcun dubbio and that a woman’s opinions don’t matter.
16. Gli giova.
Forse sente e capisce molto bene quello che dite, ma prefers to pretend that he doesn’t because he gets something from it, such as when he doesn’t want to do something you ask him to or wants to get a certain reaction from you.
17. Si sente in diritto.
Se suo marito feels like it’s his right to have only his opinions valued, his whole thought process might be directed in that way. For example, you might be talking to him about something you believe is a problem, and he won’t accept that it’s a problem because he doesn’t think it is.
18. Gli piace discutere.
Alcuni uomini si nutrono semplicemente della negatività e dell'adrenalina delle discussioni, e lui potrebbe provocarle di proposito. He doesn’t care at all about what you’re talking about or reaching a solution, as long as you’re arguing.
19. Non ha alcuna empatia.
He can’t see your point of view because he’s incapable of understanding how you feel. A man who has no empathy can’t understand that things aren’t only about him, and for this reason, he can’t take other people’s feelings seriously.
20. Vuole controllarvi.
Che sia in grado di vedere la vostra prospettiva o meno, se vuole controllarti, he’ll use whatever means necessary to get what he wants. A man like this doesn’t even care about being right, only about how he can get you to do what he wants.
21. He’s gaslighting you.
If you’re tormented daily and can’t stop questioning yourself thinking, “Is it that my husband turns everything around and makes me seem crazy, or am I really going crazy?” si dovrebbe prestare attenzione a signs that he’s gaslighting you.
22. Vuole farti sentire in colpa.
If he wants to punish you for something or achieve some goal, even when he knows what you’re saying, he’ll pretend he doesn’t. He’ll try to turn things around on you to make you feel guilty. It’s a devious manipulation technique that is emotionally abusive and can have long-term consequences.
23. He’s a narcissist.
Molte delle cose menzionate finora potrebbero far pensare che sia un narcisista. If you’re feeling trapped in a toxic relationship and like you don’t know what to do, you might be a victim of abuso emotivo del narcisista.
24. You’re indirect.
Alcuni uomini sono letterali e can’t understand subtler methods of communication. Se a questo si aggiunge il fatto che alle donne viene spesso insegnato a non essere dirette perché sembra che controllino, si ottiene la ricetta per una comunicazione sbagliata.
25. Il vostro approccio lo fa scattare.
How you talk to him can be a trigger for him to stop listening and start arguing. If he thinks you sound like you’re accusing him or criticizing him, he might get angry and close off. It doesn’t matter if you weren’t doing it in the first place.
26. Si diventa frustrati e si inaspriscono le cose.
If he’s slow to respond or tends to ignore you, it’s natural that you might become frustrated. Questo potrebbe farvi percepire il suo silenzio come un disaccordo e peggiorare la situazione. iniziando a litigare invece di aspettare che sia lui a mostrarvi la sua reale reazione.
27. You make a big deal when it’s not.
Alcune cose possono essere importanti per voi e non significare nulla per lui. Quando avete modi diversi di vedere le cose, potete arrabbiarvi perché he doesn’t understand the importance of something that matters to you.
28. Aspettate che commetta un errore.
Se l'esperienza vi ha insegnato che he’ll misinterpret your words or blame you for things, you start expecting it every time. Even at times when he’s not doing it, if you’re waiting for any hint of disagreement, it’ll eventually end in just that.
29. Lo si giudica.
Sentirsi giudicati da voi può renderlo difensivo ed emotivo. If he believes that you’re judging his behavior, reactions, or feelings, he might not know how to respond and act when something you disagree on comes up.
30. Si combatte per vincere.
Una discussione accesa può essere salutare, ma if either of you is looking to win at fights, you’re damaging your relationship. If you’re using your arguments as weapons against each other instead of a tool to deal with issues, you might have a problem.
31. You don’t know how to communicate.
La sensazione di dover camminare su gusci d'uovo l'uno con l'altro o di dover litigare all'improvviso può significare che you don’t know how to communicate with each other. Quando nessuno dei due sa come parlare all'altro, anche le vostre migliori intenzioni potrebbero essere mal interpretate.
32. You’re both stubborn.
Not wanting to give in because you’re both stubborn can make you regret your actions. If you’re stonewalling each other or resorting to the silent treatment just because you won’t let the other person be right, you’re causing damage to your relationship for the sake of pride.
33. You’re not discussing the same thing.
Sometimes you’re talking about two completely different things and don’t know it. For example, you might be talking about something that’s been bothering you, and he’s focused on a specific situation, so he disagrees.
34. You’re unwilling to compromise.
When you’re both convinced that your way is the only way, trovare un compromesso può essere impossibile. If you’re unwilling to make space for each other in your thought process, arguments are inevitable.
35. Ci sono problemi più grandi.
Sometimes the real issue has nothing to do with what you’re arguing about. Potrebbero esserci risentimento, rabbia, gelosia, insicurezza e altri sentimenti o problemi che stanno causando problemi nella vostra relazione.
Vedi anche: 12 benefici che ci ha portato la femminilizzazione di mio marito
Posso risolvere il rapporto con mio marito?
La risposta a questa domanda si riduce a tre cose: C'è cattiva volontà dietro il suo modo di agire, i vostri sentimenti reciproci e la disponibilità a lavorare sul vostro matrimonio da parte di entrambi?
If you can say with certainty, “My husband misinterprets everything I say because he wants to hurt me,” then you’re better off without him. If he hurts you but genuinely regrets it or wasn’t aware of what he was doing, then there is hope if you’re both willing to make an effort for your marriage.
1. Lavorate sulle vostre capacità di comunicazione.
Una volta imparare la comunicazione efficace, you’ll be able to use those skills to improve all your relationships for the rest of your life. It will take time, many tries, and lots of willingness to work on it, but questo è il primo passo che dovreste fare entrambi se volete migliorare la vostra relazione.
2. Comunicare con chiarezza.
Don’t expect him to read your mind and don’t assume anything, and this goes for him as well. Siate molto chiari con le vostre parole e dimostrate sempre la vostra buona fede.. If both of you focus on understanding the other person instead of proving a point, you’ll be much more successful in communicating.
3. Ascoltatevi a vicenda.
Praticare l'ascolto attivo and try to do your best to understand each other. Some techniques include paying attention, asking questions when you don’t understand something, and providing feedback to check if you understood what the other person was trying to say.
4. Siate specifici.
Being vague about what it is you’re talking about can easily cause misunderstandings. Scegliere con cura le parole, and don’t leave space for ambiguity to make sure that the other person knows exactly what you’re trying to say.
5. Don’t blame each other.
Quando ci si incolpa a vicenda, ci si mette sulla difensiva e non si è disposti a spiegare. Se vi accorgete di farlo, fate un passo indietro e riprovate. Per esempio, don’t say, “You make me feel ~.” Instead, say, “I feel ~.” In questo modo l'interlocutore si sente meno sotto pressione e può parlare senza timori.
6. Siate pazienti l'uno con l'altro.
Ci può volere del tempo perché suo marito impari a cambiare il modo in cui si relaziona con lei, e ci può volere del tempo perché lei impari a parlare con lui. Finché entrambi avete a cuore il vostro matrimonio e volete migliorarlo, le cose possono funzionare. Abbiate pazienza mentre entrambi imparate a farlo.
7. Cercare di capirsi.
Truly try to put yourself in one another’s shoes. Try to understand why you’re doing the things you do, and give each other the benefit of the doubt. Becoming each other’s best friend and being compassionate can make a real difference.
8. You don’t always have to be right.
Would you rather have a happy marriage or always be right? If either of you chooses the second answer, there’s a problem. If your marriage is the priority, then the both of you have to learn to swallow your egos and try to see the other person’s point of view.
9. Avere argomenti costruttivi.
Gli esperti di relazioni parlano spesso di come le discussioni siano necessarie nelle relazioni, ma cosa significa? It means that when you argue, you shouldn’t be trying to come out on top and prove that you’re right. Le discussioni dovrebbero invece essere un modo per esprimere opinioni diverse e imparare ad accettarle e a trovare compromessi.
10. Don’t threaten each other.
Threatening each other with leaving can make you do it in the heat of the moment. It’s not the only kind of threat that creates problems, though. Any time you try to make your partner afraid of doing something by holding something over their head, you damage your relationship.
11. Evitare di essere accusatori.
Don’t bring up something that happened yesterday, last week, or in high school when you’re talking about whatever is bothering you at the moment. Don’t accuse each other of things that might be only in your head. Approach every conversation with openness and willingness to understand.
12. Attenzione al tono.
Don’t yell, scream, or use foul language when you disagree with each other. Don’t be sarcastic or mean. Don’t use words you know trigger each other. All of this vi renderà solo più arrabbiati e meno propensi a cercare un compromesso.
13. Don’t get frustrated when you disagree.
While you’re working on solving your problems, there will come a time when you’ll disagree. Unless you let yourself and your husband make mistakes and understand that they will happen, you can get frustrated to the point of giving up.
14. Try to see each other’s perspectives.
Trying to understand your partner’s feelings and see their point of view is of the utmost importance. Stop looking at things from your own perspective and cercare di capire da dove viene l'altra persona per avvicinarvi.
15. Accept each other’s differences.
Opinioni, idee e sentimenti diversi si manifestano nelle relazioni umane. A parte alcuni valori fondamentali, you don’t have to agree on everything to be happily married – you only have to accept each other’s differences.
16. Take a break if you’re too upset.
Learn how to stop things when you see that your argument is about to escalate. Agree beforehand what to do when you notice that you’re on the way to saying or doing something that will hurt each other and Fermatevi finché non vi sarete calmati.
17. Don’t punish each other.
Don’t be passive-aggressive or give each other the silent treatment to make the other person regret what they’ve done. These things only make things worse in the long run.
18. Perdonarsi a vicenda.
When you do make a mistake, don’t let it turn into a grudge. Perdonatevi a vicenda tutto ciò che potetee darsi reciprocamente la possibilità di fare meglio.
19. Affrontare i problemi di fondo.
If there are any issues on either side, from mental health to past issues in your relationship, that might be causing problems now, try to handle them. You’ll feel better if you both do your best to face things head-on and approach your marriage as a work in progress.
20. Cercate un aiuto professionale.
Nessuna di queste soluzioni è facile. Se i problemi sono profondi, rivolgersi a un consulente professionista può essere di grande aiuto.. Un consulente matrimoniale può aiutarvi a vedere i veri problemi e insegnarvi a comunicare. Tutto ciò che serve è la volontà di lavorare sul vostro matrimonio.
Per concludere
Do your arguments with your husband start over small things and leave you both feeling angry, frustrated, and sorry? Are you constantly wondering, “What’s the reason that my husband misinterprets everything I say?” and trying to talk to him about it, only to cause more arguing?
I hope I’ve helped you find the answer to these questions. If you’ve figured out which one applies to your relationship and you want to work on it, I hope you’ll put my advice on how to deal with it to good use.
