Lettera al narcisista che mi ha distrutto

Caro “You” ,

I don’t even want to give you a name. You don’t deserve one. You will be referred to as “You” and that’s the kindest thing I could have ever said to you.

This impersonal, cold, distant pronoun. You don’t deserve anything better. How are “You” ?

Is the sun still shining brightly through your windows? Or did you cover them up with dark curtains to avoid the light—to live in the darkness like I do?

I guess you didn’t. Nothing has changed about the way you look at things.

Mi hai derubato. Punto. Mi hai prosciugato. Punto. Mi hai distrutto. Punto. Sei passata alla prossima. Punto.

Oh, that poor girl. She doesn’t even know what awaits her. She has no idea.

Pensa che tu sia il migliore in assoluto. Pensa che you’re going to give her the world.

Pensa che tu porti il tuo cuore sulla manica. Pensa di aver trovato quello giusto.

È una sciocca come lo ero io.

Nothing was ever about me, was it? Everything was about you. If you had a bad day, I had to suffer. If your life wasn’t going the right way, I had to pay for it.

You had such power over me. I really can’t imagine why and how I let you do that.

It’s either that I was too weak to fight you, or you were too strong in your mind-playing that I didn’t even stand a chance.

Mi stavate convincendo di cose che non sono reali. Mi hai fatto il lavaggio del cervello. Mi hai trasformato in un piccolo burattino obbediente.

I was the one who had to dance to the music you were playing. You’re really something.

You never managed to at least pretend you are not in love with yourself. I was a ‘third wheel’ in our relationship although it was just the two of us.

Anche se ti incolpo per molte cose, incolpo anche me stesso. Avrei dovuto sapere cosa stava succedendo. In realtà, sapevo cosa stava succedendo, ma mi sono rifiutata di crederci.

I refused to acknowledge that was happening to me. I refused to accept I’d fallen into a trap. I refused to see you as you were—a narcissistic piece of s**t.

Ho cercato di far funzionare noi due. Tu eri una sfida per me e io non mi tiro mai indietro di fronte a una sfida. Pensavo di poterti cambiare. Ma mi sono sbagliato.

I was addicted to you. You were my fix. Every time I needed a dose I would come back. I was afraid to be alone so I went back for a fix of you—every single time.

The only thing that I got from you was humiliation. I got someone who thought he was better than me—someone who thought he was better than anybody else.

Nella nostra vita, sono sempre arrivata seconda. Venivo sempre dopo di te.

“You”! “You” mi ha distrutto. Mi hai manipolato. Mi hai insultato. Mi hai portato via la vita.

Mi hai privato di tutti i miei sentimenti. Mi hai reso insensibile. Mi hai reso indifferente.

Le tue parole taglienti e fredde mi hanno insegnato a non provare assolutamente nulla. Durante i nostri litigi, me ne stavo seduto a fissare una macchia sbiadita sul muro, aspettando che tu finissi.

I just moved my head like a zombie in an approving manner—just to make you stop. I agreed to everything you said.

Solo per farti fermare. Solo per godere di nuovo del silenzio.

I really can’t say at what point I gained enough strength and courage to call the things by their real names—to see clearly for the first time after a long time.

Was it because I had nothing left to lose? Was it because I was so indifferent that I didn’t care what is going to happen to me anymore?

I don’t know. The only thing I know is that I had enough. You took everything from me. You drained me. I had nothing else left to give you.

Maybe you were the one who let me go because I wasn’t of use anymore. All that was left of me was an empty shell.

You don’t need empty shells. You need someone’s energy to feed off of. And I didn’t have it anymore.

Now, it’s her turn to feed you and to become a simple outline of the beautiful woman she was before.

Ma sapete una cosa? Ho riempito la mia sagoma. Ho riempito il mio schizzo con bei colori. Mentre continuavo a vivere la mia vita senza di te, ho aggiunto i colori uno per uno.

Dopo qualche tempo, ho terminato la mia opera d'arte. Ho finito il mio capolavoro. Ho finito me stesso.

Vedi anche: Come superare il narcisista