Perché le ragazze con insicurezze pensano di essere difficili da amare

I am an insecure woman. Not because I think I’m less worthy than someone else, not because I think of myself as ugly or stupid, but simply because I think that there is always someone better than me. So, I am afraid that you might be aware of that too and that you might leave me for someone who is simply more suited to you than I am.

Questo pensiero mi fa impazzire. The thought of you with someone else in your arms drives me nuts and I know that you always get too upset with me because you don’t understand my fears but please try to understand.

Sono cresciuta con l'idea di essere difficile da amare. Per molte ragioni che mi sono state ripetute e a causa di molti malintesi, non ho mai pensato di essere una persona facile da amare. Essendo cresciuta con problemi di abbandono e sempre spaventata dal pensiero di poter morire da sola, sono diventata insicura al punto da fare qualsiasi cosa pur di tenerti al mio fianco.

Allora, cosa mi rende così difficile da amare?

Gelosia. La costante gelosia. I know, rationally, that you don’t have any kind of relationship with other women, I know that you don’t even look in their direction and I know that you don’t even text them but just the thought of it is killing me. Sometimes it’s even that friendly, beautiful neighbor who brings us cakes—that makes me burst into tears because I see you smiling at her. The irrational part of me is telling me that each and every one of those women out there could make you choose them over me.

Rassicurazione. It is not a bad thing, it’s needed in every relationship. All until the point where I get too attached. I keep on asking you if you’re still in love with me too many times a day and I keep on crying if you tell me to stop asking. I simply can’t handle the thought of you leaving, so I need you to reassure me that you will stay by my side no matter what. But with always asking these questions, I seem to scare you away even more.

Creo problemi dal nulla. It’s hard to watch you talk to your assistant at work, who’s this amazing woman with an amazing figure, and not make a scene out of it. I have never seen you touch her and I have never heard a word from your co-workers but that doesn’t change the fact that I hate her around you. Yes, I think that these things are bullshit too but I can’t stop my toxic thoughts.

I am so sorry for all the scenes I’ve made in public and all those times my silent treatment made you think that I stopped loving you. I’m sorry that sometimes you can’t deal with my mood swings and that I seem cold. But it is all because I am insecure.

So che avete buone intenzioni. I know that your compliments are there to make me feel better but I simply do not know how to receive a genuine compliment. When you say that I am beautiful, I don’t see that. Quando dici che sono sexy, I don’t get it. It’s like having everything, all the happiness in the world, in front of you but your eyes are blinded by insecurities that don’t allow you to see it. That’s how I feel.

Ma grazie per essere rimasti. Lo fai sembrare così facile e senza sforzo. Ami tutto me stesso, senza rinunciare a noi. Vedi la vera me dietro la mia gelosia, le mie lacrime e le mie insicurezze. Vedi chi sono veramente e ami quella parte di me.

Maybe insecure women aren’t that hard to love after all? For the sake of being happy with myself, I will try to love myself too, no matter how much effort it might take me. I will learn to love myself, so one day I can see my own beauty too.