Porque é que as raparigas com inseguranças pensam que são difíceis de amar

I am an insecure woman. Not because I think I’m less worthy than someone else, not because I think of myself as ugly or stupid, but simply because I think that there is always someone better than me. So, I am afraid that you might be aware of that too and that you might leave me for someone who is simply more suited to you than I am.

Esse pensamento está a deixar-me louco. The thought of you with someone else in your arms drives me nuts and I know that you always get too upset with me because you don’t understand my fears but please try to understand.

Cresci com a ideia de que sou difícil de amar. Por muitas razões que me foram repetidas e por causa de muitos mal-entendidos, nunca me considerei uma pessoa fácil de amar. Tendo crescido com problemas de abandono e sempre com medo de morrer sozinha, tornei-me insegura ao ponto de fazer tudo o que fosse necessário para te manter ao meu lado.

Então, o que é que me torna tão difícil de amar?

Inveja. O ciúme constante. I know, rationally, that you don’t have any kind of relationship with other women, I know that you don’t even look in their direction and I know that you don’t even text them but just the thought of it is killing me. Sometimes it’s even that friendly, beautiful neighbor who brings us cakes—that makes me burst into tears because I see you smiling at her. The irrational part of me is telling me that each and every one of those women out there could make you choose them over me.

Tranquilidade. It is not a bad thing, it’s needed in every relationship. All until the point where I get too attached. I keep on asking you if you’re still in love with me too many times a day and I keep on crying if you tell me to stop asking. I simply can’t handle the thought of you leaving, so I need you to reassure me that you will stay by my side no matter what. But with always asking these questions, I seem to scare you away even more.

Eu crio problemas a partir do nada. It’s hard to watch you talk to your assistant at work, who’s this amazing woman with an amazing figure, and not make a scene out of it. I have never seen you touch her and I have never heard a word from your co-workers but that doesn’t change the fact that I hate her around you. Yes, I think that these things are bullshit too but I can’t stop my toxic thoughts.

I am so sorry for all the scenes I’ve made in public and all those times my silent treatment made you think that I stopped loving you. I’m sorry that sometimes you can’t deal with my mood swings and that I seem cold. But it is all because I am insecure.

Sei que tens boas intenções. I know that your compliments are there to make me feel better but I simply do not know how to receive a genuine compliment. When you say that I am beautiful, I don’t see that. Quando dizes que sou sexy, I don’t get it. It’s like having everything, all the happiness in the world, in front of you but your eyes are blinded by insecurities that don’t allow you to see it. That’s how I feel.

Mas obrigado por ficarem por cá. Fazes com que pareça tão fácil e sem esforço. Amas todo o meu eu, sem desistir de nós. Vês o meu verdadeiro eu por detrás dos meus ciúmes, das minhas lágrimas e das minhas inseguranças. Vês quem eu realmente sou e amas essa parte de mim.

Maybe insecure women aren’t that hard to love after all? For the sake of being happy with myself, I will try to love myself too, no matter how much effort it might take me. I will learn to love myself, so one day I can see my own beauty too.