È davvero finita? 10 segnali rivelatori del fatto che è tempo di lasciarsi
Come capire quando una relazione è finita
Breaking up is hard. It’s easier to stay in a familiar situation, even if it’s not ideal, but there are some telltale signs that can’t be ignored, regardless of how many shared memories you have.
If you have tried to compromise and communicate but things are still stagnant, it’s time to consider a new path.
Here are the 10 telltale signs that it’s time to break up.
You Give But He Doesn’t
Due persone in una relazione dovrebbero agire come una squadra. Entrambi vi impegnate per far funzionare la relazione e trovate il tempo per l'altro. Ci sono momenti in cui una persona deve dare un po' di più, ma questi momenti si compensano.
Se vi ritrovate a cucinare, a pulire, a fare pressioni per passare del tempo insieme e a pagare tutto, le cose con il vostro partner sono andate male.
Many women fall into this trap. You give and give and give while your man withdraws, so you give more. You blame yourself for everything that’s wrong until things get so bad that they simply break down.
Try to avoid giving too much if it’s not reciprocal. Only put as much into him as he puts into you.
You’ve Grown Apart
It happens. Some people grow while other relationships stagnate. Maybe your boyfriend or husband is still sitting on the couch while you’re out exploring or maybe the two of you are pursuing different things because your hobbies don’t align.
Avevo una cliente che era rimasta molto religiosa mentre il marito aveva smesso di andare in chiesa. Per lei questo era inaccettabile ed era combattuta sul da farsi. Alla fine decise che doveva lasciarlo.
Vi manca di rispetto
Questo è un punto importante nel mio libro e dovrebbe esserlo anche nel vostro! Quando uno dei due partner si sente costantemente sottovalutato dall'altro, la relazione deve essere rivalutata.
Lo vedo quando esco con altre coppie. Un partner rimprovera l'altro davanti a noi; il disprezzo si può tagliare con un coltello.
This can spiral into emotional and even physical abuse if it’s not addressed immediately.
Il sesso è sparito
Sex is a very important component of a relationship. It’s not everything but it’s a key litmus test for how close a couple is. Sex less frequently than once a week can be a warning sign.
There are exceptions, of course. If you’re in your eighties and have been together for fifty years, sex might be out of the picture. Even still, I find elderly couples still holding hands and kissing when they are in love.
You’re Constantly Fighting
Constant arguing is never a good sign. Most couples don’t know how to argue. They never learned because they don’t teach that in life.
There should be very little fighting in a healthy relationship. People in love respect one another’s opinions and work toward a compromise. They each want to hear what the other has to say because they want their partner to be happy.
Comunicazione is an art and good communicators have empathy for the other person’s feelings and circumstances. They put themselves in someone else’s shoes to get the result they want.
Quando entrambi i partner comunicano in questo modo, il compromesso è possibile. Il risultato è vincente e la relazione si rafforza, non si indebolisce.
You’re Just Plain Miserable
If you dread seeing your guy, something is wrong! Sometimes, you try to overanalyze exactly what’s wrong and blame yourself or your partner. This gets you nowhere.
Se questa è la vostra situazione, fidatevi del vostro intuito e andate via, o almeno sedetevi e discutete seriamente con qualcuno di cui vi fidate. Probabilmente hanno già visto le scritte sul muro.
RELATIVO: Testi di rottura: 50+ messaggi di testo per chiudere la relazione
Life’s Curveballs
Ehi, a volte l'amore non basta. I’ve seen break-ups over religious and cultural belief differences.
Maybe your boyfriend wants to move to a foreign country and you don’t. He hates his family and you need to be near yours. Maybe you want kids and he doesn’t.
That’s life. Accept it, pack up and leave.
Dipendenze
Lo vedo sempre. Gli uomini e il porno. Il sesso virtuale è diventato così facile che alcuni uomini sostituiscono le relazioni sane con le donne con i video sul loro portatile.
If you see this, I say leave. The same thing applies to alcohol and drugs. If a man can’t care enough about his own health then how much can he care about you?
Your Goals Don’t Align
People’s goals change as they mature. My goal was money for years. Now I’m into helping others, charity and spiritual pursuits. My time is becoming extremely valuable.
If my wife was determined to live off the grid, for example, we would need to go our separate ways. That’s okay! It’s okay to recognize change, respect the other’s goals and leave on friendly terms.
Chissà, tra dieci anni potrei voler vivere fuori dalla rete!
He’s Holding You Back
You’ve got dreams and goals. A great lover and best friend encourages you to chase them but this man wants you home with him, or worse, he doesn’t care.
What happens? You drop your dreams and ‘fit in’ to make him happy. Instead, find a guy who has similar ambitions and supports your dreams and goals!
Una donna sicura di sé non ha problemi a trovare un uomo che sostenga il suo desiderio di spuntare le ali e volare.
È davvero finita? Conclusione
Too many couples stay together because they simply don’t want to be single again or for the sake of the children. Time is too precious to be with someone who falls into one or more of these categories above and the harm done to your children is done before you split, not after.
Only you can decide whether it’s time to end things or not. You must decide when you’ve taken as much as you can take or when things just don’t align properly.
