Le relazioni sono complicate. E a volte bisogna escogitare delle buone strategie per attirare l'attenzione di un ragazzo.

Maybe you are in a long-term relationship that just hit a rough patch—he is distant and you feel like he is losing interest. He seems to be pulling away and you don’t know how to handle the situation.

Maybe you are just beginning a new relationship and you don’t want to ruin it by being too clingy. You want everything to flow smoothly but even though it is still too early to say anything, you feel like he is pulling away.

Fate un respiro profondo. E rallenta.

La maggior parte delle donne reagire in modo eccessivo. They would make some stupid moves in order to get the guy’s attention. But you won’t because I will tell you the secrets to gaining his attention even though it might now feel like a lost cause.

For situations like this, for a ‘disease’ called pulling away, you need the secret ‘medicine’ called IGNORE.

Even though it seems simple and quite obvious, believe me—when emotions are involved, you will have a difficult time controlling your actions. Sometimes you even catch yourself doing things you swore you never would.

Se qualcuno vi raccontasse la storia di una ragazza che manda messaggi a un ragazzo anche se lui non risponde (o qualcosa di simile), probabilmente direste: “I would never do that. Is she crazy? If I was in that situation, I would ignore him completely.” But here you are, doing the same thing—even though you said you wouldn’t. And that simple ‘IGNORE’ seems so difficult.

Use ‘ignore’ in the right way. Start with yourself, then gradually work your way to getting what you want from him.

Ecco alcuni consigli per rendere più probabile il successo della missione di ignorarlo e di recuperare la sua attenzione:

1. Ignorare la necessità di avere manifestazioni emotive esagerate.

Questa è una trappola in cui cadono molte donne. Pensano che gli uomini provino le stesse emozioni che provano loro. Quindi, mostrano tutte le loro emozioni troppo presto.

I ragazzi potrebbero avere paura di questo. Operano a un livello diverso rispetto alle donne. Di solito impiegano più tempo per capire le cose da soli e per essere sicuri delle proprie emozioni prima di condividerle.

Se siete sinceri con le vostre emozioni o esagerate con le manifestazioni emotive, potrebbe essere il motivo per cui lui sta prendendo una direzione diversa. Troppa onestà lo farà semplicemente scappare il più velocemente possibile.

Quindi, prendetela con calma. Il tempismo è tutto. Rallentate al suo ritmo e iniziate a mostrare le emozioni solo quando anche lui è pronto a farlo.

Assicuratevi di essere allo stesso livello. Mostrando il vostro amore e attaccamento troppo presto in una relazione, potreste inviare segnali di insicurezza o disperazione.

Dandogli spazio e tempo per pensare, forse siete sulla strada giusta per darvi la possibilità di amarvi.

Probabilmente inizierà a chiedersi perché siete cambiati e perché non gli date più le stesse attenzioni di prima, e questo lo spingerà a cercarvi.

2. Ignorare la necessità di reagire in modo eccessivo.

Most women tend to jump to conclusions. Maybe nothing is wrong but you imagine it might be because he didn’t answer your text right away or he didn’t put a heart emoji at the end of a goodnight message.

Qualunque cosa facciate, assicuratevi innanzitutto che esista effettivamente un motivo per preoccuparsi e reagire e che sia necessario reagire in qualche modo. Le continue lamentele e i continui rumori per le piccole cose possono farlo scappare a gambe levate. Nessuno vuole sentire continui lamenti, soprattutto senza motivo.

Scegliete le vostre battaglie con saggezza.
If you really have an issue, you need to address it with him and make sure it’s a valid one. If he hurts you in any way, you should tell him openly. However, exaggeration might suffocate the relationship.

You want him to see you as a woman who doesn’t overthink his every word. Your life is your own, and you don’t have time to obsess about every little thing he does. You should only want to solve bigger problems.

He might even be surprised or concerned why you didn’t react to the things you would normally lose your mind about.

3. Smettete di ignorarvi e anche lui smetterà di ignorarvi.

Put yourself first. Don’t be too attentive to his needs and don’t jump to every phone call and every last-minute invitation he gives you. You don’t need to act busy; you need to be busy—busy with yourself.

Make your life function the way you want it to. Pay attention to your needs, too. You have your studies, your friends and family, your work, your career plans, your activities, and interests—regardless of him.

You have to have your own life and he should be an important part of it. If you are too accommodating, he will get used to it. He will take your time for granted and naturally assume that you will always make time for him. He should be the one adjusting his plans to fit your schedule—at least sometimes.

You don’t need to bend over backward to fit into his plans all the time. Compromise is always a good thing but don’t make him think you don’t have your own life.

A un uomo non piace nulla di più di un donna indipendente che è anche in grado di inserirlo nella sua fitta agenda.

4. Smettere di ignorare i vostri desideri.

Prendete in mano la situazione. Organizzate un viaggio in macchina. Organizzare una cena. Prenotate i biglietti per vedere un film che gli interessa. Comprate i biglietti per un concerto di un musicista che vi piace. Fate qualsiasi programma che ritenete interessante per entrambi. Dite che avete organizzato qualche attività e chiedetegli di unirsi a voi.

La maggior parte delle donne è abituata a vedere gli uomini che si occupano di tutto. Questo è un modo per dimostrargli che siete autosufficienti e in grado di organizzare le attività e che vorreste tanto che lui si unisse a voi.

The crucial thing here is to say, “If you can’t go, that’s OK. I will ask some of my friends to go with me, because I really wanna go.” Keep it casual. It will make him wonder, “What friends?” And you will show him that you are capable of having fun without him. This is a subtle way to ignore him.

5. Caldo e freddo.

If you are constantly ignoring him, he will tire of it after some time. He will see that he is hitting a brick wall and that there’s no way that he has any chance with you.
So give him some hints that there might be hope for him after all. You’re playing the role of an ice queen but from time to time, give him hints that you have a warm heart underneath.

Engage in conversation with him when you have a chance. Show him you are interested in what he has to say. Let him feel like what he is saying is so captivating that you don’t want to miss a single word. You could also even text him to ask him about something he has some information about and you don’t (just don’t make it too obvious).
Se vedete che le vostre improvvise attenzioni gli fanno venire voglia di parlarvi di più o di mandarvi più messaggi, siete sulla strada giusta.

Make a balance between ignoring him and giving him some attention. You don’t want to act completely cool toward him but you also don’t want to come off as needy. Play the game of hot and cold, give him just enough to keep him hooked but not too much. Balance is the key.

Vedi anche: Soffiare caldo e freddo (La psicologia dietro il gioco degli appuntamenti)

6. Accendere la sua gelosia.

Gli uomini sono molto competitivi e a volte basta un po' di gelosia per farli alzare e andare a cercarvi. Potrebbe anche non accorgersi di ciò che ha davanti a sé finché non c'è la minaccia che qualcun altro glielo porti via.

So, flirt but in a way where you give your attention to others. Talk to some other man, smile a lot, touch his shoulder and have your focus only on him. Make sure your man can see you talking to some other guy and don’t pay attention to anything other than the guy you are talking to.

Scatenare la gelosia è una delle tattiche più pericolose, perché potrebbe trasmettergli il messaggio che non siete interessate o che siete interessate a qualcun altro. Assicuratevi quindi di non esagerare con il flirt, perché la gelosia non farà altro che allontanarlo. È necessaria solo una scintilla, non un fuoco enorme.

7. Calmare la mente sospettosa.

Don’t allow yourself to be jealous or at least avoid having jealous displays. Not every girl around him is a threat. Jealous overreactions will give out the wrong impression that you are insecure. Stay sure of yourself and put yourself in his shoes. If you have male friends or co-workers you feel tight with, you wouldn’t want him overreacting because there’s nothing going on there.

Also, he might be making you jealous on purpose as a way to test you or to evoke a reaction. Stay cool. Don’t give him the pleasure of seeing you upset over some girl. You might not be indifferent but you shouldn’t call him out on anything, at least not early on.

8. L'arroccamento non è vostro amico.

This is in case you are aware that you are clingy and you want to do something about it. The traits of a clingy girlfriend can be very tiring and most men can’t tolerate them, that’s why most relationships they are in don’t last for very long.

A clingy woman will want to know his every move, she will want to text 24/7, she forgets about all the aspects of her own life and concentrates solely on him, she doesn’t understand when he wants to do something that doesn’t include her, like going rafting with his friends, etc. Basically, she doesn’t give him space to breathe and that terrifies him and makes him pull away. So if you notice this behavioral pattern, do your best to liberarsi dell'appiccicosità.

9. Essere indipendenti.

The most important thing of all is to create a life you enjoy, the kind of life you are proud of. Your relationship status shouldn’t define you or affect your perception of yourself. Treat yourself well because the people around you learn from you. If you don’t have enough respect for yourself, if you lack love toward yourself, your partner and other people around you will often take you for granted and treat you badly. So make sure you work on your strength and independence. By working on yourself and making your life great, you will make him want to share that life with you.

10. Seguire il suo esempio.

If he is ignoring your texts, don’t ask him why he is ignoring them. Do the same—don’t text him. Don’t call. Don’t insist. Don’t force things. It’s useless.

He will be more interested when he doesn’t hear from you than when you send text after text, trying to get to the bottom of things. Ignoring him makes him wonder where you disappeared to. It forms a million questions in his head. It makes you seem like a puzzle and he will be eager to solve it.

And when you are too available, it does the opposite. He knows where you are, what you think and he knows that him not texting you bothers you. So he has the upper hand in that situation, even when he has no clue what’s happening and thinks that you probably don’t even care whether he responds to your text or not.

He will respond eventually and when he does, take your precious time in answering. Don’t make him think that you have been waiting by the phone for him to remember you exist. Never let him see that you were upset because he didn’t text. I know that these games can be exhausting but they are sometimes necessary.

It is not a good idea to invest a lot in a person who doesn’t invest in you, too. That’s why you shouldn’t give more than he gives you. You should care for each other the same way and give the same amount of your time and attention to one another.

Obviously, you won’t measure and keep track of who gave more on each different occasion but make sure that overall, you are somewhere close. All your efforts should be reciprocated, never settle for anything less.

Se vi sentite come se steste dando troppo e lui non sta dando affatto, potreste voler riconsiderare se volete comunque quel tipo di relazione.

Ignoring somebody is also a good way to test if they are really into you. If you ignore him in any of the ways listed above and he starts chasing you, you are on the right track; it means you have his full attention. If he doesn’t do a thing, at least you will know where you stand, and it will be his loss if he doesn’t go after you.

Il punto è che gli uomini sono semplici: Se li inseguite, si allontaneranno. Se li ignorate, vi inseguiranno.