7 segni di una relazione tumultuosa (e dovreste rimanere?)

Quarreling with your partner is perfectly normal. But if you’re experiencing relationship problems on a regular basis, it’s time to consider that maybe you’re stuck in a tumultuous relationship.

Questo tipo di relazione è caratterizzata da continui litigi, da una grave mancanza di fiducia e da un esaurimento totale in cui le cose vanno di male in peggio.

If you’ve been neglecting some unresolved issues and ignoring countless red flags, this is your chance to get to the bottom of la vostra relazione difficile.

Experiencing emotional exhaustion on account of your partner is detrimental to your mental health. It’s also a warning sign that requires necessary changes to be made.

A relationship shouldn’t be a rollercoaster ride. It’s supposed to be your safe haven. Despite your deep connection and a terrific sex life, never ignore warning signs that something just isn’t right.

Here’s my relationship advice that aims to help you uncover the troubling signs and deal with your messy romance once and for all.

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State vivendo una relazione tumultuosa?

1. I vostri litigi non hanno mai una conclusione

Vi ritrovate a litigare per la milionesima volta sulla stessa cosa? L'idea di chiudere non è altro che un sogno?

Then, I’m afraid, you’re stuck in an unhealthy pattern that can only be described as a messy romance.

Le coppie che vivono relazioni tumultuose continuano ad avere le stesse discussioni a causa della loro incapacità di trovare una chiusura. Questo contribuisce a creare una mentalità che vi convince che sia normale.

But it’s not.

You’re on a rollercoaster ride that requires much more than simple dating tips. You need to figure out how long this cycle can continue before one of you is done.

It’s okay to have fights, but you also need to find a way to end them in a healthy way. Each unresolved issue leaves an invisible dent in your relationship that is slowly wreaking havoc on your mind.

It’s only a matter of time before one meaningless argument turns into an explosive, relationship-ending brawl.

2. Si ricorre alla manipolazione per ottenere il risultato desiderato

It goes without saying that in a healthy romantic relationship there’s no room for manipulation.

Ma nel vostro caso è diventata la norma. Ricorrete all'ostruzionismo, vi mettete sulla difensiva, fate sentire in colpa il vostro partner e lo manipolate affinché tutto sia come volete voi.

Questo è un classico segno di una relazione difficile. Quando è stata l'ultima volta che avete parlato con il vostro partner e avete trovato un compromesso?

Are you even aware that you’re resorting to deceitful means to get your way? Sadly, this type of behavior often becomes so regular that it’s confused for normal.

It’s not though. You should never have to play mind games with the person you share your life with.

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3. Siete troppo appiccicosi e dipendenti da loro

I partner di relazioni tumultuose spesso sviluppano un legame di dipendenza l'uno dall'altro. Può essere facilmente da parte vostra o anche viceversa.

But it’s not healthy. Your happiness should never depend on someone else’s. Your life choices should never be based on someone else’s opinions and actions.

When you’re too clingy and depend on your partner for everything, your chances of being miserable increase exponentially.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re a 26-year-old or a 40-year-old. Finding your own ground is the only healthy way to go on through life.

Yes, your partner’s opinions and feelings matter but when it comes to how you’re feeling about yourself and your choices, nobody’s opinion should trump your own.

4. You’re emotionally shut off from your partner

When you’re used to this type of romance, it becomes all too easy to shut yourself off from your partner. More often than not, it happens completely inadvertently.

You distance yourself emotionally so as to keep yourself away from possible fights. You don’t share your pain as you’re afraid of being misunderstood.

Tutto ciò porta gradualmente a una chiusura emotiva che pianta il seme dell'incertezza e del dubbio nella vostra relazione.

Lentamente, ma inesorabilmente, diventate due estranei che continuano a trovare ostacoli insormontabili ma mai una via d'uscita.

E sapete perché? Perché con il tempo si smette di comunicare senza nemmeno rendersene conto.

Questo diventa una norma tossica e porta a un vuoto emotivo che continua a dividervi.

Vi siete mai chiesti quale sia la causa di tutto ciò?

5. Un momento felice ti fa dimenticare tutti quelli brutti

Questo è lo schema più comune nelle relazioni tumultuose. Poiché tutto è così incerto e instabile, un momento felice e sereno dà un (falso) senso di sollievo.

You’re willing to forget about every bad thing that has happened thanks to one moment of tranquility. It’s a textbook example of a rocky romance.

You’ve set the bar so low, that it doesn’t take much for you to believe that this is the standard for a happy romance. It’s not.

Yes, there are bad moments at times, but they should never prevail! Relationships aren’t built on rough patches.

They’re built of communication, consideration, and respect.

Experiencing a moment of happiness doesn’t erase the countless rocky roads that have been eating away at you for a significant period of time.

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6. There’s a constant feeling of fear and uncertainty

You’re never sure of your relationship. Every time there’s an argument, you’re scared of being dumped.

In these types of relationships, it’s either one extreme or the other, but there is no in-between.

If things are good for a second, you’re over the moon and if there’s a tiny fight, you’re scared of a breakup.

But what happened to being happy, stable, and on solid ground? Your rocky romance has made you believe that you don’t deserve it.

You think that this is all you can get, which is why you’re not letting go anytime soon. But this is the exact opposite of a healthy relationship.

When you’re happy, there’s no room for doubt. You simply know your partner has your back, and vice versa.

Ma nelle storie d'amore tumultuose si resta sempre con il fiato sospeso.

Perché? Perché non si sa mai bene a che punto si è.

7. Vi lamentate con i vostri amici della vostra relazione

A questo punto, potrebbero anche iniziare a farvi pagare. Ma a parte gli scherzi, se la vostra relazione è causa di tanti drammi, cercare un aiuto professionale potrebbe non essere la peggiore delle idee.

Unresolved issues will keep piling up for as long as you keep ignoring them. Your friends cannot offer you a satisfactory solution as it’s an internal decision.

Turning to other people as opposed to your partner means there’s a significant lack of trust and support in your relationship.

E si dà il caso che queste due cose siano alla base di una relazione sana.

Your life partner should be at the end of those conversations, not your friends. Have you ever wondered why that’s not the case?

Vale la pena di salvare la vostra storia d'amore?

If you’ve checked off most of the aforementioned boxes, it’s time to see if there’s anything worth saving. These questions will help you resolve your doubts.

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1. Cosa vi piace veramente di loro?

Questa parte vi aiuterà a valutare se vale la pena salvare la vostra relazione. Vi piace questa persona?

And I’m not talking about what they can do for you. I’m talking about who they are deep down.

There is no point in committing to someone you don’t even like. Do you like who they are and how they make you feel?

Questa è la prima cosa da verificare prima di andare avanti.

2. È ancora la persona di cui vi siete innamorati?

Now that you’re aware of what a healthy relationship should resemble, can you say with certainty that they are still the person you believe is destined for you?

Sono ancora la stessa persona per cui il vostro cuore ha corso quando vi siete incontrati tanti anni fa? Meritano ancora il vostro amore?

Know when it’s time to move on and when there’s room for growth.

3. Stare con loro è dannoso per la vostra salute?

It’s very simple. If you can honestly say that arguing with them affects your sanity, then it’s time to reprioritize. Arguments are there to find common ground, closure, and move on.

But if every time you engage in a dispute, you feel like your mental health is suffering, ask yourself what’s left to salvage. Prioritize yourself over a relationship that has run its course. If you don’t put yourself first, who will?

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4. Quanto spesso siete segretamente infelici?

Siate sinceri. Quante volte al giorno vi chiedete quando il dolore finirà? Quante volte al giorno dovete impedire che le lacrime vi scendano sul viso?

You don’t have to be strong all the time. It’s okay to admit defeat if there’s nothing left to fight for! Move on if your sad days trump your happy days.

La vita è troppo breve per accontentarsi di una vita sentimentale insoddisfacente.

5. Continuate a trovare scuse per loro?

How often do you find yourself making excuses for their behavior? How many times have you tried to convince yourself that you’re happy with their actions?

You need to set some new rules for what’s worth tolerating.

Don’t force yourself to stay in a relationship that doesn’t encourage personal growth. Don’t stay if you’re faking happiness because it’s easier than starting over.

You have no idea how much burden you’ll rid yourself of if you choose yourself over a failed romance.

6. Siete felici?

This is what it all comes down to. Don’t for one second believe that you don’t deserve happiness. Never believe that mediocre love is your destiny. Why? Because you deserve whatever you dare dream of.

Vi meritate il romanticismo dei film e le piccole sorprese. Meritate di ridere fino a farvi venire il mal di pancia.

You deserve peace and calm. And more than anything, you deserve happiness. If you’re not happy, what’s the point?

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Love Is Pretty Simple…

People are the ones who make it complicated. Being in a tumultuous relationship may have become your norm, but that doesn’t make it your final destination.

Don’t make yourself stay in a place that stunts your growth. Choose happiness over toxic displays of affection that keep taking away from it.

If being with your partner brings you more sadness and uncertainty than it does happiness, what’s there even to think about?

L'amore dovrebbe sollevarvi e incoraggiarvi. Dovrebbe migliorarvi come esseri umani e insegnarvi l'altruismo e la perseveranza nei momenti di difficoltà. Essere in una relazione tossica can’t teach you any of that. 

I’m all for fighting tooth and nail when the relationship is worth the fight but when there’s nothing left to salvage, shouldn’t you count your losses and start anew?

In fondo, probabilmente conoscete già la risposta. L'unica domanda è: siete pronti ad affrontarla?

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