Ho paura che tu mi lasci come hanno fatto tutti gli altri

I don’t know if you’ve ever felt those chills during cold mornings when you wake up alone, with no one to kiss and no one to say good morning to.

Those mornings were so lonely and I wasn’t able to get out of bed without crying. I must seem desperate, I’m sorry.

Ma quando dedichi anni e anni a una persona che ti ha abbandonato quando ne avevi più bisogno, inizi a immaginarla intorno a te.

Parli immaginandoti vicino a loro e come ti stanno ascoltando. Quei momenti in cui lo immaginavo al mio fianco erano così irrimediabilmente dolorosi.

When I went out of my way and welcomed you in my life, I knew that you were going to be one of those nice guys people told me about. Somehow, I didn’t believe that you existed.

Chi può biasimarmi? Dopo tutti quei colpi al cuore e quelle lacrime, la mia mente ha smesso di credere che esistessero uomini come te!

Dicevi che ero la donna più bella che vedevi e che il mio sorriso poteva illuminare anche la notte più buia.

My heart skipped a beat and my throat was full of words I wanted to spill out at that moment. I didn’t think that you were going to be one of those fuckboys.

From our first date and that wonderful walk in the park, I actually saw something new in you, something I didn’t see (or feel) before. You were a wonderful human being.

E questo mi ha spaventato. Molto.

I didn’t know how to behave at the beginning but you thought that it was cute. You fell head over heels for me. Without even knowing, I fell for you, too.

Mi hai sovraccaricato di doni di amore e affetto incondizionati. Così è arrivato il giorno in cui mi hai fatto sedere, per raccontarti il storia che si nasconde dietro il mio cuore spezzato e i muri che ho costruito.

Senza pensarci due volte, ti ho raccontato tutto. Fin dall'inizio.

I told you that he would verbally abuse me until the point where I would scream in agony, that he would bring home his ”female friends” just to compare me to them constantly.

And I told you how they would, right in front of my eyes, flirt with each other and go into his room. I would just leave. You’re wondering why I stayed so long?

He’d always come to me to beg for forgiveness, asking me to take him back, sometimes he was even crying. What would you have done in my place?

Questa è la parte in cui mi hai abbracciato e hai iniziato a sussurrarmi le cose più commoventi.

Mi hai detto che mi avresti amato e protetto e che non mi sarebbe mai più successo nulla del genere. Così, ho dato di matto.

I didn’t let it show then but when I got home, I burst out in tears and I really did not know how to handle your kindness.

Ho iniziato a scrivere tutte le cose meravigliose che mi dicevi solo per poterle conservare quando saresti partito. Se te ne andassi, intendo.

You couldn’t help but notice that I started to become colder and colder to you.

You began to wonder if you did something wrong to insult me, but it wasn’t you, my dear. It was never you.

You couldn’t help but be the nicest person to me, ever! So, this is why I built up even higher walls to protect myself in case you left me. I didn’t want you to leave.

Piangevo per addormentarmi ogni notte perché immaginavo che tu fossi stufo di me.

I guess it’s the aftermath of an abuser. Today, I don’t know how to deal with abandonment!

No matter how many times you’d tell me that you loved me and would never leave, the fear was always present! So, I began to think a bit more into this.

Hai mai fatto qualcosa che mi ha fatto sentire insicuro? No. Non ho mai fatto nulla che mi facesse sentire insicuro.

Had you ever done something to show me that you didn’t care? No. Had you ever said something to insult me? No. Were you the sweetest person to me? YES!

Allora, perché avevo ancora tanta paura? Avevo paura che te ne andassi come hanno fatto tutti gli altri nella mia vita.

That’s why I wanted to apologize for all the walls you’ll still have to dig through, all the nights I would burst out in tears and wake you up, all those times I yelled at you.

Everything. I’m sorry. I am really, truly, sorry. Also, I want to thank you. I want to thank you for the person you made out of me.

Mi hai fatto credere di nuovo nell'amore! Voglio ringraziarti per tutte le volte che mi sei stato vicino e per tutti quei meravigliosi abbracci. Grazie.

Nonostante tutte queste cose mi abbiano fatto temere la possibilità che un giorno tu mi lasciassi, ti sono grato.

You make me forget about that every time you looked me in the eyes and years have passed since you first told me that you loved me. You’re still here? Yes. Yes you are.