All'uomo che mi ha lasciato sul pavimento a implorare di restare

Oh, come vorrei poterlo ritirare. Tutto quanto. Il dolore e l'agonia. La disperazione.

L'umiliazione che si prova quando ci si butta, per poi essere rifiutati. E per cosa?

Come ho permesso che tu mi facessi così male da farmi desiderare di strisciare in un buco e morire per il dolore che esplodeva da dove avrebbe dovuto esserci il mio cuore.

In that moment, when you left as I gasped for air, I thought for sure I would never be able to get up off that floor. I laid there, crying and gasping for so long that I’m embarrassed to say.

Hai detto di amarmi, quindi come hai potuto lasciarmi così? Come hai potuto torcermi così tanto da aver bisogno di te per districarmi?

Come hai potuto trasformare il mio viso, quello che tante volte hai detto essere il più bello che avessi mai visto, in qualcosa di completamente irriconoscibile?

Anche per me, il mio stesso volto è un estraneo? Come hai potuto portarmi dall'amarti all'essere disperata per te? Dall'avere te al bisogno di te. Dalla cura all'ossessione.

How could you do all of that, and then just leave me in a broken pile on the floor? I still don’t know, but I thank God that you did.

If you hadn’t left me, I might still be sobbing on that floor. I might still be chasing you for the love you said was mine, but shared around with whomever was convenient to you at the time.

If you hadn’t left me I might have had to show up at another family Christmas with a black eye that my lies do not explain when the truth is written so clearly on my face.

If you hadn’t left me I might have spent the rest of my life feeling like I wasn’t good enough, like I needed to fight for your attention.

If you hadn’t left me I might still be waiting for you to deliver on the promises you made.

Vedi anche: Perdendo te ho guadagnato molto di più

I’m ashamed and embarrassed to admit that I would never have left you. No matter how many times you left me on the floor, I would have begged you to come back.

No matter how many times you hit me, I would have found a way to blame myself. I wish that weren’t true, but the fact that you had to leave me proves that it is.

Quindi, grazie. Grazie per avermi lasciato andare e liberato dalla presa che avevi su di me. È stata l'unica cosa che hai fatto per me e te ne sono molto, molto grata.

To this moment I can’t explain how I let you turn me into the person I saw in the mirror that day. I don’t know how I became such a cliché.

I wish I did, because I didn’t see that for myself. I didn’t see letting anyone have such power over me let alone that they would use that power to hurt me.

I didn’t see you coming until I watched you go, and that scares me because I think if it could happen to me once it could happen to me again.

But it won’t. I won’t let it because I know now the pain of loving you was much greater than the pain of losing you.

I know now that when you get past the rejection, and the desire to fight for something you shouldn’t have to fight for, when you finally let go of a person who brings you nothing but pain, it stings a bit but then the relief comes.

Quando si smette di sentire il dolore, si inizia a sentirsi liberi e si comincia a ritrovare se stessi. It doesn’t take as long as you think it will when you’re still on the floor either.

Quindi grazie. Grazie per partire quel giorno e di non tornare mai più. È stata la cosa migliore che ci potesse capitare e sto meglio per questo.

I would wish you all the best, but I wouldn’t mean it. I actually hope you’re drowning slowly somewhere in a cesspool of your own making, begging for a lifeline and no one that you haven’t broken is around to throw you one.

di Tia Grace