A Letter To The Demons Inside Me

ByChristine Keller

 

Hello, Demons,

Hello, Anxiety,

Hello, Toxic Master,

Hello, the Seed of Mess,

Hello, to all of you, My Co-travelers in Life.

 

I’ve trapped you. You’ve got nowhere to go. You’re weak and broken. Just like I used to be when I was under your control. But now, the wheel of fortune has turned the other way.

 

Does it hurt? Are you powerless?

I know I was until I demolished you into meaningless spectacles of dust.

I’ve locked you in the deepest corners of my mind and soul. I’ve taken the key. I’m your master now. You’ll dance to the music I play.

Once, you were me. Once, you were the ones who were holding all the cards. You were controlling my life. You were running wild.

You were having the time of your lives while I was crouching in the dark corner of the cell you put me in, defeated and alone.

See also: To the Person Who Pulled Me out of The Darkness

 

Anxiety…you held me as your prisoner every time I tried to step out. Every time I tried to go out and talk to people, you pulled me by my hair, making me scream in pain because I was trying to fight you.

But I lost.

Toxic master…you held me as your prisoner every time anxiety locked me up. You were the one who fed me with suicidal thoughts—with thoughts of hurting myself. You were the one telling me I can’t make it. You were the evil whisper in my ear telling me I’m not good enough.

The seed of mess…you held me as your prisoner when my toxic master planted you deep inside me. He nourished you and watered you to grow. You were the one who didn’t allow me to clear up my thoughts—to differentiate right from wrong. You wouldn’t let me see the light. You’ve sent me nothing but storms and rain to keep me hidden—hidden in the ‘safe’.

My dear demons…I’m talking to you from the surface where it’s sunny and beautiful. I’m talking to you from the place where it’s my time to run wild. I’m talking to you because I want you to know I’m happy. I’m happy because I’m free.

See also: Anxiety Is a Bitch, but I Am the Bigger One

 

You ARE demons, but you’re MY demons.

You’re my constant reminders that I have to fight to survive.

And look at me now…I’m fighting.

You should know because it’s your time to be trapped.  

 

It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell. ~ Gautama Buddha

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