All of us are doing our best to master this great mystery called ‘commitment’. People (myself included) have a problem with committing to a person, to a job, to any important life decision, simply because we tend to see all those other options floating around us. We are afraid that we might start a marriage, a job or bring any important life decision to which we will need to hold on for the rest of our lives. We simply don’t want to promise anything because there is quite a chance that we are going to break that promise.
Because of this horror, we think that monogamy doesn’t exist anymore. We think that no one can stay in our lives without an ‘open relationship’. But, we do have some reasons for that. We know why all of this is happening and there are some things we can do about it.
1. You’re feeling ‘trapped’
You are most probably a free spirit who loves life and wants to embrace it to its fullest. That’s why most of the time when you’re trying to commit, you tend to feel like you’re trapped and you can’t see a way out of it. The relationship (or any other commitment) suffocates you and it doesn’t give you enough space to do all the things you want in life.
What to do about it?
Stop complaining and enjoy your life. Enjoy every little part of it like it’s all going just the way it should. The only thing different is that you’re having a partner in crime now. You have someone to lean on when times get tough and you need to feel safe. Don’t worry, life won’t become boring when you’re committed. You can never be trapped.
2. You’re searching for better options
People will forever compete with themselves and with others to always find and pursue something better. It’s our nature and that’s all we know. We tend to think that there are always better options for us out there: better partners, better job offers and a better life—no matter how great it all is at this moment. We can’t even commit to one place because we are so drawn to traveling.
What to do about it?
You don’t have to give up on something in exchange for something better. You can work together with your partner on becoming the best versions of yourselves. You can travel together and always come back to the same home. Committing to your goals doesn’t mean that you’re giving up on something else—it just means that you have a safety net that can catch you whenever you’re falling.
3. You don’t have the time
You keep telling yourself, “When I have the time, I’ll commit.” You are too busy pursuing your dreams, improving yourself and finding the real life you want to live. You can’t take the time to genuinely connect with someone and that’s the issue here.
What to do about it?
OK, stop. Stop lying to yourself and to others. That’s the most used apology in the book—find something new. Be smart enough and schedule your time correctly so that you have enough for every single task that day. The problem is probably that you don’t want to make the time for something like love. So, don’t. If you wanted to, you’d find the time.
4. You have trust issues
This is a common one. To trust someone means to be vulnerable with them, to show them all the aspects of our lives. You might’ve been hurt in the past and that’s what led you to the place where you’re at right now. It’s completely normal and expected.
What to do about it?
Not everyone is the same. Not everyone will stab you in the back and you need to know that. If you really want to know if someone is going to lie or cheat on you, then give them a test drive. Tell them some things about you and if they keep the secret and you feel like they aren’t going to mistreat your trust, then what’s holding you back from commiting? Don’t let fear be the reason you miss out on some awesome opportunities.
5. The fear of losing
Being afraid of losing someone or something you love is acceptable because you might have loved and lost in the past. You are taught that everything you love will eventually leave, so it’s much easier for you to find something better to do than to fall in love with the possibility of losing.
What to do about it?
No one can guarantee you that anyone or anything will be there for you forever. Someone might leave before you even start the relationship, but just because someone might leave doesn’t mean you have to stay single for the rest of your life. Your job might sound great during the interview and be horrible from Day 1, but just because you might need to look for a new one doesn’t mean you have to stay unemployed forever. At the end, we will all die one day, but that doesn’t keep us from living.
6. Unrealistic expectations
People always want more. We create dreams based on social media and we also create an idea of the ‘perfect’ relationship with the ‘perfect’ partner. We create checklists of traits that we want to see in our partner. We create expectations regarding our jobs and we think that we will find something or someone just ‘perfect’ one day.
What to do about it?
Why would you want perfect? What does perfect even mean? Perfect doesn’t exist. Nothing and no one is perfect. We all have flaws and it’s unrealistic to expect someone or something else to please our every need. So calm yourself and realise that we’re all just humans.
7. You’re afraid of rejection
From time to time, we get insecure. We get insecure about a lot of things. We think that we aren’t good enough to reach a certain goal of ours and that’s what’s keeping us from starting relationships or going on job interviews.
What to do about it?
What’s the worst that can happen? Someone can just make sure to show you points of improvement, nothing more. And if you got rejected by a certain someone, then they simply don’t deserve you. You are great just the way you are—don’t let someone’s expectations bring you down.