You can’t really understand the full meaning of the old proverb “It takes a village to raise a child” until you become a mom. Then you get the picture of how parenting is a very tough job and you’re surprised by how many things you have to do.
Navigating motherhood in today’s world includes a whole set of struggles. You need to take care of the kids, cook, and maintain the household. Then there’s a mental load – an overwhelming list of tasks that moms keep track of daily.
If you’re a working mom then it gets even harder. You’re under constant stress, juggling between professional responsibilities and family needs, and there’s little time for self-care.
Social media serves you with glimpses of someone else’s life and creates pressure to be perfect. You feel inadequacy and guilt.
But one of the most ignored struggles of motherhood is that moms often face feelings of isolation and loneliness. Partly because their new schedule leaves no time for socializing, and partly because their childless friends suddenly become distant.
A woman in tears spoke about this in a video on TikTok:
“Mothers and children are like a forgotten species in our modern-day society”
Woman explains that when you become a mother people start treating you like you’re not the same person anymore.
“Like you become a mom and then suddenly you’re like pushed out, ‘go find your mommy and me group’, ‘go figure it out on your own’, and ‘we’ll see you when you can be productive again.’”
Then she comes up with an eye-opening perspective, speaking about the essential idea of traditional motherhood. Something we kinda forgot about:
“The job of being a mother, it feels a lot for one person, because it was never meant to be for one person. It was meant for a village.”
She wants to emphasize the importance of care which is crucial for modern moms because they usually lack any support while carrying a very heavy burden. Also, there is tremendous change happening in women’s lives and they need help to adjust to it:
“They need rest, they need proper nutrition. They need help, they need love, they need loving touch. They, you know, to just help them through this transition from woman to mother.”
Other TikTokers (female of course) agreed and shared their experiences on how lonely it feels to be a mom. Someone wrote how even friends stop inviting you to events or gatherings because:
“We didn’t think you’d want to come because of the baby”
The comments showed how women really do feel excluded and isolated when they become mothers. Most of them agreed with her statement and added how society sets high expectations for women.
“I feel like motherhood meant for us but we weren’t meant to do all the other things society expects from us.”
Then when you become a mom people behave like motherhood caused you to lose your intelligence:
Then the village metaphor gets a true meaning:
“Right?! I always wondered what people were talking about, but now I’m a mother I totally get what they mean by a ‘village’.”
There is no support and empathy as people believe being a parent is a personal choice and no one should care about it:
Sometimes you have to make your own “society” as the one you are coming from is doing everything to make it hard for you. Friends and coworkers often perceive women who use maternity leave as unsuccessful and lazy.
“it’s true, I’ve returned to work and I feel like I’m being shamed for having been off work, and potentially wanting more children.”
When women choose to be stay-at-home mom people start making them feel worthless:
Societal pressure is causing women to feel bad because they’re not contributing financially while they are stay-at-home moms.
Also, it’s quite common: you’ve been there for everyone, and now when you’re in need they disappear in thin air:
“I was everyones village. Now that i have my own i have no one.”
However, we shouldn’t forget what it’s like for those women who don’t plan on having kids. Society requires women to be moms if they want to be accepted and perceived as a part of the group. Those who don’t have children are looked down upon even by women:
Even they get the isolation treatment:
“the opposite has happened to me. i don’t want children and all my friends have had them, i no longer get included.”
Being a woman today includes so many different challenges. With kids or without them, the feeling of exclusion is something you’ll probably face one way or another.
But you can find your village.
Seek out local parenting groups, online communities, or social media communities where you can connect with other moms. Building a network is essential for sharing experiences, advice, and emotional support.
This will help you understand that you’re doing an amazing job, help you with your doubts, and remind you to celebrate your accomplishments!